I’ve failed

[Purpledreamsx]

Sat here almost crying, I have failed. My DD is 4 and I am really struggling as a lone parent. She is hitting, kicking, scratching me, throwing things at me, pulling hair when not getting her own way. I have told her so many times that it’s not kind to do that. Bedtimes are a nightmare, she never wants to sleep and will do anything not to. She sleeps through when she eventually does fall to sleep but it’s the getting her to go to sleep that’s so difficult. I give her a bath, read her story, all that but nothing works at the minute.

She wanted something in the shop earlier and I told her no and she was scratching me in my face and screaming the shop down. everyone was looking, felt like crying. So we left. Just feels as though she doesn’t like me sometimes. I try my best. She also doesn’t listen and has no sense of danger no matter how many times I tell her something, she will just want to do it anyway.

I try to do activities with her but she gets bored after 5 minutes and wants to do something else and starts throwing things everywhere. For example we will be colouring in and then she decides she’s bored so pushes all the crayons all over onto the floor. She complains a lot and whines at me. I just don’t know what to do. I love her to bits but just So exhausted with it

What time are you trying to get her to bed? Is she in nursery, are they giving you any feedback? Are you firm with her, even physically stopping her, rather than telling her it isn't kind?

@Ponoka7 between 7:30/8. She’s finished nursery now and is starting school in September, only feedback given was that she needs to be reminded about ‘listening ears’

I am firm with her and physically stop it but she will just carry on. It will be over little things too but they are very big things to her. she gets overwhelmed very quickly also

The behaviour sounds unusual. Is there any Neurodiversity in the family?

I was going to ask this.

This is beyond ‘acting up’ and sounds like she may have additional needs.

Im another that doesn't think that behaviour is usual for that age.

Are there days / times when things are better? If so, when?

Thanks for your replies.

Another thing I’ve noticed is her lack of patience, I always have to remind her to be patient but it feels like to her everything has to be right now or she just struggles to cope with it, queuing is difficult.I’m always reminding her that we need to queue and there is other people waiting to be served in front of us. Then she will try and run off multiple times when we are stood waiting in the queue so I have to run after her and we lose our spot.

She doesn’t like staying in one place in the shop either whilst I chose what we need, she wants to run off and see other things, its like she can not sit or stand still for even one minute. she also is very confident speaking to strangers. We were sat in the walk in centre the other day as I had issue I needed seeing too and she was going all over trying to talk to everybody

I would see your GP - that was my first port of call for my son’s assessments.

Both have ASD.

@Aserena I would say late afternoon she starts to get tired out from the day so will relax for a bit but usually not for long. Then when it comes to bed time she will say I’m not tired and then it’s a real struggle to get her to go to sleep

My DS is 4. This isn’t really normal behaviour. They all have moments they can’t listen, sit still or may even lash out in some way but this feels excessive.

I would say as PPs have that she needs assessing. Getting to the root cause will help you address her needs better and hopefully be better for both of you. This level of misery isn’t normal, kids are hard but it sounds like you have it a lot harder OP

Being a lone parent is hard enough, seek some support and take care of yourself x

That sounds tricky. Does she nap in the day then? What about at night - does she sleep through?

@Merryoldgoat @2oreosandmilk thank you both I will contact my GP. I was just worried about wether it was something I was doing wrong but I try so hard and it’s just day in and day out. Just finding it really difficult and I don’t like seeing her frustrated and overwhelmed with things

@Aserena She no longer naps but will sit and cuddle me for a bit or just lay down for a bit but it doesn’t last long as she doesn’t really like to sit still. We go to the park or out on her balance bike and things like that but even that doesn’t really tire her out. She sleeps through, it’s just the getting her to go to sleep that’s difficult. She will get out of bed so many times and then starts shouting at me saying she doesn’t like sleeping. It’s very tiring

I find that if she is finding something overwhelming though she will sit on the floor and put her fingers in her ears

Poor you, sounds exhausting. At least you’re getting sleep at night, once she’s asleep.

Have you tried taking her swimming? It’s really great at exhausting kids and if there are sensory issues going on it might help you clarify what they are, what helps her feel calm and what winds her up.
(how does she cope with head/face getting wet? loud noises? does she seem calmer after working her muscles so much?)

Sounds like you might need to play with the timings to prevent a mid afternoon nap (although it does work for some kids and stops them getting over-tired by bedtime).