To think it's up to my friend to be more organised

[an754]

My friend gets married at the weekend, I am 1 of 6 bridesmaids and I live closest to her but I'm still a 15 minute drive away. 2 of the other bridesmaids drive. The bridal shop is a 45 minute drive & the hairdressers is a 30 minute drive for context

I work part time and have young DC. I'm a single mum. My friend doesn't drive but her h2b does and he is retired. I have felt like suggesting h2b takes her places when I can't but I do get its her wedding so she doesn't want him to see the dress etc

My friend is a very last minute sorta person so she's only just booking hair trials, tried her dress on last week and is having it altered to collect the day before the wedding, hasn't finished buying wedding favours etc she assumes I'm free whenever to take her where she wants to go and I've got fed up with it now.

Today was my day off, I'm shattered from being up with a teething baby and woke up late (for me) at 10.30am to 3 texts asking what I'm doing, can we go to the hair dressers for a trial at 12pm, why aren't I replying .. I replied saying I've only just got up, been up a lot with youngest DD and that I dont mind going but it would have to be later on the day when I can ask my mum to watch DC for me. She replied back can't do later, the hair dressers busy and she will try book another day.

I'm working Wednesday and Thursday and she has agreed we go to the wedding shop Saturday She said over the weekend she would rather go on Thursday now as that's a sooner appointment but I can't commit to this with working. She was a bit awkward on the phone when I said this 🤥

For months I've driven her to and from bridal appointments and she's only offered petrol twice and I've always felt uncomfortable asking for petrol money as she's having to pay for a wedding but it's putting a hole in my pocket now. I have paid for my hair appointment and my dress.

We just spoke over the phone and she asked if I could grab something for the wedding on Friday and do a hair trial tomorrow "I've booked it for when you finish work" I said that I will ask my mum to watch youngest DD and go with her but could I please ask she puts £20 towards petrol for a trip to the hairdressers, bridal shop and a shop on Friday as I am struggling this week and I don't get paid till next week. There was an awkward silence then she said she's getting married at the weekend and she is struggling too.

Now I feel guilty but aibu to think the wedding date has been set for nearly 18 months, why is everything being crammed into the week before and if you was asking a friend to drive out of their way frequently you would offer petrol money and be more considerate of their situation (working with 2 dc and not much support is difficult at the min)

I'm starting to feel like I'm being used and not enjoying the wedding build up like I thought we would 😔

Has she not got any family she can ask or the other bridesmaids? Or is there public transport?

She shouldn't be expecting you to ferry her back and forth without compensating you for petrol at the very least, but she shouldn't be expecting it at all..

I'd just say you can't commit to any more of the times and she needs to find alternative ways to get there.

She could ask the other bridesmaids but I suppose it depends on when they are working, there's plenty of public transport to both places . I think I've just been a push over so she expects more and more each time it's made me feel so sad (not sure if I sound completely pathetic but with a poorly baby and the busy-ness of the last few weeks I'm exhausted!)

What a CF! You aren’t unreasonable at all.

just go back and say you have been thinking, you are really sorry but you simply can’t fit everything in. Her h2b needs to pick up whatever it is on Friday, you will go to the hair trial and someone else will need to take her to the wedding shop or she needs to get a taxi

and stop allowing her to dictate to you, tell her it’s not happening any longer

Your right, you are being used. She needs to ask one of the other bridesmaid to ferry her around. 💐💐for you op, you sound like a lovely friend. I think too lovely for her. I hope she realises that she has put too much pressure on you.

Just say no. You are not obligated to run around for her like this just because she is getting married and you are a bridesmaid. There must be other people she could ask. Or public transport.

She’s taking the piss or has a lazy husband to be who can’t be arsed.

her fiance can take her. He doesn’t have to go in. But he could take her and drop her off.

Also wondering where the other 5 bridesmaids are (not the wisest move for someone on a budget to have 6 BMs!) And her family.

YANBU

You need to stop being her (unpaid) chauffeur.

Your mum is not available to babysit you're working overtime etc.

Her transport is not your responsibility.

Tell her you are not a taxi service?

She doesn’t give a shit when you’re working so don’t worry that they may be working. Good luck - she sounds really hard work and not much of a friend tbh.

Just turn your phone off.

Just say no. World doesn't revolve around her marriage

Are you getting your hair done or does she just want the lift and your opinion on her hair?
If the latter tell her you're not free to go with her or take her so she will have to get there some other way (public transport or taxi!) and she can send you some photos.