To feel the urge to intervene with DP’s children’s education

[NotMyCircusButStill]

DP had an acrimonious divorce and his co-parenting relationship has somewhat improved over the years but communication is still pretty poor. He has kids EOW and 50% of school holidays. ExW moved a 30-min drive away and enrolled their daughter in a school in the area. Their son is due to start secondary school in 2024 but the quality of education at their daughter’s school isn’t great (not much rigour or homework, no clubs or sports, etc). DP’s exW fought hard to remove them from the country but lost. One purported reason was the higher quality of education in her home country but now she seems intent on rubbing it in by not giving two shits about their education or their future (e.g. saying there’s no point in the son doing his homework for 11+ prep since he’s not going to any of those schools anyway). I feel so stressed and sorry for them that their education and future isn’t being taken seriously but at the same time I can’t take up the slack (either helping with homework or school fees) since I have my own DC to focus on.

So the question is:
YABU - none of your business, let DP and his exW sort it out (or not), the kids will be alright 🤞
YANBU - do something about it

What do you actually want to do? You can't "take up the slack" as you say, so what will you contribute?

And nowhere do you say what your partner wants...

What exactly would you do OP? And if you did it, wouldn't the ex just tell you to butt out?

I'd say the most useful thing you can do is urge your DH to get more involved in his own DC's education and if their DM doesn't give a shit, he should.

DP wasn’t happy about the choice of secondary school but felt he didn’t have much say in it since they’re only with him EOW. Also, he’s quite averse to rocking the boat with exW so lets things slide/ go unresolved for ages. I guess I could intervene by mediating or encouraging them to discuss the issue and consider possibilities before the doors start closing for the children in terms of opportunities - in the past I’ve helped him phrase emails/texts where he was worried about saying the wrong thing and it has worked.

@unvillage Ideally he’d want them to go to a good secondary school near his place but it would mean a longer commute for the kids.

@cheezncrackers I don’t know, I hope she would be open to reason - why bother fighting for custody if she’s not even going to act in their best interests?