To tell my husband to leave

[Muminneedofadvice23]

We have been goo my through quite a rough patch recently and we are bickering again, when we argue I get upset and my husband calls me absolutely vile names (fat ugly scruffy a slag a bad mum) literally anything he can think of.
when he does this I tell him to leave, he then says I’m emotionally abusing him by kicking him out but I just want him to be nice to me, is that really to much to ask?
I know a lot of people will say I should leave properly but when we aren’t arguing he is lovely, the best dad and husband I could ask for.
he just has a nasty streak and the only thing I can do is tell him to leave until things calm down. Most the time he doesn’t and I just sleep in a separate room and we are fine in the morning.
today he woke up in a vile mood and it was all my fault as usual, but I argued back today and told him to leave, he said he was getting a flat so I said ok I’ll drop your stuff to your mums. Now he’s decided he’s coming home and all I’ve done all day is cry I don’t want to see him I don’t want to talk he has been horrible to me all day and I don’t want to just move past it all and forget it 😪 what can I do?

What can you do? Break up with him permanently! What a horrendous environment to have children living in.

You can end a relationship for any, or even no reason. You know this is unacceptable from him.

He's the abusive one.

What's your housing situation?

We never say anything in front of the children, they are actually away for a few days with grand parents atm. So they aren’t witnessing anything.

Your children will be aware and they will grow up thinking this is the normal way to behave.

he owns the house, I have no credit due to a DRO so we would be homeless. If I left the council won’t help me as he encouraged me to leave my council house to move into the house he brought behind my back without my name on it 😪xx

He owns the house, then obviously he won't be leaving?

If you are married it doesn't matter if your name is on the house. It is a marital asset.

Well of course you can't tell him to leave his own home, but you can, and should leave

Exactly so I just have to deal with it as I have nowhere to go and no money or income.
mourn children are away with his parents I have no family within 200 miles and I don’t think anyone would help anyway because they all love him

I knew someone like this. They could be SO vile, then tried to justify their vile behaviour by pointing out all the nice and fun things they did, which they seemed to think make the vile behaviour OK.

Well it's NOT ok to treat someone like that.

Is the house rented or owned?

If he won't move out, do you have somewhere you can go with the kids until he realises you are serious? Have you got family you can stay with?

Are you able to record his behaviour somehow in case you need some evidence?

edit: just seen the house is his.

In that case it might be worth contacting women's aid, or in the mean time getting some evidence and recording his behaviour so others can see what he is really like.

a solicitor has told me he can’t make me leave as I have lived here for over two years and I clean and maintain it all. He puts money into my bank account to pay all the bills so they technically come from me so he can’t make me go but I also can’t make him as it’s his house. When the police have been called in the past they have made him leave as it’s him being aggressive but obviously he comes back

He calls you those names because he knows you are stuck, and would struggle to leave. What you need to do is start planning how you will get out, it might not be overnight, but, having a plan and working towards it will (hopeful) help to start to empower you.

Talk to Womens Aid

Just impossible tbh

Is alcohol involved? If so, stopping drinking seems to be a good idea.

But you’re married? So the house is yours too regardless of names on the deeds.

Get divorce proceedings started.

He’s abusing you.

No drinking or drugs involved

I know a lot of people will say I should leave properly but when we aren’t arguing he is lovely, the best dad and husband I could ask for

Do you honestly believe that? Do you believe that when you're ringing the police because he's being aggressive?
The best husbands don't give their wives cause to ring the police, ever.

Please contact Women's Aid:

I’ve rang them but they were asking to many questions and I just got upset and put the phone down 😪

You're married so it's your house too,.

See a solicitor

Then take a deep breath and ring them back.

They have to ask questions so they can help you

But remember- you're married and you have rights.