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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For telling my sister to stop coming to me with her problems

5 replies

roses321 · 22/08/2023 12:00

So in May I had to leave my mentally and verbally abusive relationship. This involved basically leaving a house I'd jointly bought with my ex partner and going into a room share (the same house my sister lives in with our landlord).

My sister was there for me and did help me during this time, and I have also been her for there when she's had issues and needed help as well.

I have a few things to get out of the house still, and it's very emotional and stressful, my sister and I are very close and I asked her if she would come with me as I've been told not to go back to the property alone by my counsellor due to my exes behaviour.

I've been asking my sister for weeks now when she's available and got no answer at all from her, she says she'll let me know then doesn't. She's just got a new boyfriend and friends as well and she spends a lot of time with them and I go off and do my own thing too.

My issue is that my sister regularly comes into my room or texts me with her insecurities about her relationship and expects me to be there for her, but I can't get any kind of straight answer from her on when she can be available to help me finish moving out. I'm aware this is my problem, but if she can't help why not just say so instead of fobbing me off constantly and then expecting my support on her love life (when I've just lost my home/engagement and had to sell my furniture).

I've been doing everything I can to improve my life since I left and one of the things I've done is hire a private bar and organised a social event for the ladies group I run on facebook. She said it was an awesome idea and WE could do it, but I've done everything (which I don't mind) and what really annoys me is that despite sending her the link to pay the deposit she hasn't bothered and neither have all her friends she's invited along to it. It's a lot to organise an event and I have to pay the venue which she seems ignorant of.

She organised to go out for a drink with me at the weekend and then 1 hour from meeting up says she can't make it after all and she'll be staying over with her boyfriend.

To be honest I'm just a bit fed up of her attitude, it's all about her, her life, her issues and although she has been there for me, it's been when she has also been single and lonely. Now she's not, I apparently don't matter.

I do not expect her to constantly drop everything for me, but I do need her help on this particular issue with moving and this morning I text her saying "can you let me know when you're available please?" and she said "tomorrow". Well I have to organise removal people so I told her that, I also have to get time off work so she said ok next week then, so I tried to confirm a date and she just replied with "I'm working".

I just said to her you know what forget it, you obviously don't really give a shit now you've got a boyfriend and I'm an after thought. A bit childish I know but I'm really fed up of her selfish behaviour. I've also told her not to bother coming to me with her problems anymore because I'm sick of it, I find it insensitive, and she also brings her boyfriend over to the house and leaves tons of washing up piled in the sink with no thought for anyone else.

I'm considering moving out to be honest because i just don't want to be around her and her selfish behaviour. Perhaps i'm just tired and over sensitive but I do feel a bit used and dumped because she's got better things to do.

Am I being a dick?? If I am just tell me straight. Perhaps I need to re-adjust my expectations.

OP posts:
Catopia · 23/10/2023 19:49

Do you have anyone else who can go with you?

Is this a house share or a room share as you write? And did your sister already live there?

I don't really understand if you've moved in with her (albeit potentially in to a spare room in the same house), or if this was a joint decision and you both decided to move into the same house/room together. This makes a big difference conceptually.

RedHelenB · 23/10/2023 19:53

Could you take someone else? Or could you go along, it might empower you despite what your counsellor thinks?
As to your sister, I'd cut her some slack, she has helped you but now has her own things to concentrate on.

Phiface77 · 23/10/2023 20:20

If you're I'll you're I'll. If you feel you could drive there so your sister and family dont miss out I'd do that and either drop her off and return or rest in the caravan. I'd make it quite clear that it's her choice. You can get her there but you're unwell. Does she have a friend who could go instead and take your place for free?
It's hard to tell from the map with no scale but it doesnt look to me like you're in the wilderness. Everything looks well within anything a mile or 2.

UpaladderwatchingTV · 23/10/2023 20:28

I think you need to see if one of your friends is available to help OP. It seems like your sister is one of many women who drop her friends when a new man comes on the scene, the result quite often is that friends get fed up of being treated this way and dump you, which is exactly the position your sister is in now with you. If you don't have a friend who can go with you to collect the rest of your stuff, would it perhaps be possible to ask a work colleague? I know it's not ideal, but it sounds like you just really need someone with you to act as a witness if there is trouble. For future reference, you now know that your sister isn't reliable, so be sure to treat any friends that you have with love and respect, as you wish your sister would treat you. Good luck for the future OP.

21ZIGGY · 23/10/2023 20:38

@Phiface77 wrong post love😂

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