Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A moral question for you all

482 replies

WhaleSharkBootySweat · 22/08/2023 09:43

Imagine you go into a really nice small business selling either homewares or food. You pick something up that you really like, but it's the end of the month and you can't really afford it. What is the main reason that stops you from stealing it?

A.) Fear of getting caught, punished, criminal record, shame, losing your job
B.) Sympathy for the small business owner, not wanting them to lose money

Or something else.
For me it's massively more B but then I don't steal from chain stores, so I guess A must come into it then?
I just wonder where these moral decisions we make daily come from. Is it fear of repercussions or genuine moral compass? Why do a third of shoppers steal from self checkouts but wouldn't steal from a cashier at the till?
I think about the idea that if there wasn't law and order, then we would all steal and murder, but I genuinely believe that most of us wouldn't? I mean I've never felt compelled to, but why is that? Empathy?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 22/08/2023 11:56

LunaandLily · 22/08/2023 11:47

God the responses are boring. “It’s just wrong” yes but WHY?? Imagine being so unable to think critically.

So my neighbour has a nice car I can just take it, the next neighbour leaves their door unlocked I can go in and take what I want from their house, there is a nice bottle of whisky at the off license I can just have that, my child wants the latest ipad they can just take it of the shelf.

Is this less boring?

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 22/08/2023 11:57

Stealing probably wouldn’t occur to me, tbh.
it just isn’t my initial reaction to “oh, I can’t afford”…

anyhow:
a little bit of both, tbh.
It is wrong and I would feel absolutely horrible about it.
I actually once stole something as a young teen (long story/little complicated) and I still wish I could return it!!

And I would also worry about getting caught, the repercussions, stress etc. Just not worth it.

Poivresel · 22/08/2023 11:58

Well it depends.
If you stole as a young adult because you had a bad childhood and got addicted to drugs and then you turned your life around and worked for charity you’d probably get an obe from the King. And if you were a celebrity too you’d write a book and get lauded for your bravery.
The rest of us who don’t break the law and quietly get on with our lives will be lucky if we get a retirement gift and a decent pension after 40 years at work.
Call me cynical.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 22/08/2023 12:01

B
People stealing from big companies like supermarkets or retail stores doesn't bother me. It's wrong, it's not a 'good' thing to do but the shops can take the hit.

If you think it's wrong, why doesn't it bother you? The question was what would stop you from stealing an item. So if you choose B, that means that your reason for not stealing is the size of the business, not the wrongness of the action. I'm also quite surprised at the number of people who are so sure that they'd be more worried about the small business owner's loss of one item than than the prospect of a criminal record and the shame of being labelled a thief!

ZebraDanios · 22/08/2023 12:01

Also, I haven’t read all the responses so sorry if someone’s already said this, but if your answer is “it’s just wrong” - would you still think it was wrong if no-one had ever told you it was wrong? That’s what the question is really.

Poivresel · 22/08/2023 12:02

ZebraDanios · 22/08/2023 12:01

Also, I haven’t read all the responses so sorry if someone’s already said this, but if your answer is “it’s just wrong” - would you still think it was wrong if no-one had ever told you it was wrong? That’s what the question is really.

Good point.

MsCactus · 22/08/2023 12:02

I feel differently from most posters.

I think big businesses exploit and "take" from people at a large, global scale. If a poor person steals from a big chain, I see that as moral and right.

I think we're all monkeys and no one really owns anything. The big corporations are evil in the way they exploit people a lot of the time. I don't have an issue with a needy person stealing. If the person stealing is wealthy that's a different matter tbh.

Moonberri · 22/08/2023 12:04

But if people steal from big corporations it means prices go up for everyone. There's no such thing as a victimless crime.

Annonymiss123 · 22/08/2023 12:04

Icedlatteplease · 22/08/2023 09:47

C) it's just wrong, respect for other people and their property

I think your moral compass needs a reset

This!! ^^

HurdyGurdy19 · 22/08/2023 12:04

Because I was brought up not to steal. Wasn't everyone?

If it was the end of the month, and I was waiting for payday, when I could then afford to buy it, with a large business (M&S etc) I'd just wait for payday.

If it was a small business, that would hold less stock, I would ask if I could leave a small deposit for them to hold it for me until payday.

RiverDulas · 22/08/2023 12:06

Poivresel · 22/08/2023 12:02

Good point.

Show quote history

If you didn’t know it was wrong, then you wouldn’t view it as stealing, so your mindset would be different.

Lifeomars · 22/08/2023 12:06

It would not even enter my mind to steal it.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 22/08/2023 12:06

Also, I haven’t read all the responses so sorry if someone’s already said this, but if your answer is “it’s just wrong” - would you still think it was wrong if no-one had ever told you it was wrong? That’s what the question is really.

I suspect most people would. Not necessarily because of some inherent moral code, but because growing up around other people teaches you pretty quickly, even as a child, about what behaviours cause problems and which things you don't like to be done to you or which things make you a potential outcast from the group if you do them to other people. Obviously you can choose to do those things anyway, but they will generally bring you more harm than benefit.

Icedlatteplease · 22/08/2023 12:07

MsCactus · 22/08/2023 12:02

I feel differently from most posters.

I think big businesses exploit and "take" from people at a large, global scale. If a poor person steals from a big chain, I see that as moral and right.

I think we're all monkeys and no one really owns anything. The big corporations are evil in the way they exploit people a lot of the time. I don't have an issue with a needy person stealing. If the person stealing is wealthy that's a different matter tbh.

If someone does something wrong I work to change that. i don't use that as an excuse to do stuff wrong myself.

SherbetDips · 22/08/2023 12:08

Stealing is wrong, I’m not a criminal so that stops me 😂

tuvamoodyson · 22/08/2023 12:09

It’s never, ever crossed my mind to steal anything!

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 22/08/2023 12:09

(I think big businesses exploit and "take" from people at a large, global scale. If a poor person steals from a big chain, I see that as moral and right.*

Really? So if, for example, your child or partner stole something from a big business, you'd be pleased and congratulate them?

80s · 22/08/2023 12:10

would you still think it was wrong if no-one had ever told you it was wrong?
I would imagine so, as I'd see how angry other people got when I stole their things.

JanieEyre · 22/08/2023 12:12

Why only those two alternatives? I just wouldn't steal it because I don't steal. If you want it that much, you only need to wait a few days till you get paid and you can buy it then. Or put it on your Christmas or birthday wishlist or something.

Thelnebriati · 22/08/2023 12:13

would you still think it was wrong if no-one had ever told you it was wrong?

My brother used to steal my things. I think that's how I worked out it was wrong.

SomewhereWithSomeone · 22/08/2023 12:14

You could say that about the vast majority of questions asked about virtually any topic on MN. Sometimes it's interesting to have a conversation and hear people's thoughts and opinions about things. That's pretty much what a forum is for, isn't it?

But when there’s been actual studies on a topic, you’ll get real answers. No it’s not the same as the vast majority of questions on here if you’re saying OP was asking a philosophical question.

PollyThePixie · 22/08/2023 12:14

It’s wrong on all levels. You just don’t do it full stop.

PriamFarrl · 22/08/2023 12:14

Anewuser · 22/08/2023 09:49

It’s because we’ve been brought up correctly and know right from wrong.

Exactly this. I have morals. I wouldn’t take it even if it was a dreadful company.

80s · 22/08/2023 12:16

tuvamoodyson · 22/08/2023 12:09

It’s never, ever crossed my mind to steal anything!

Even as a child, @tuvamoodyson ? In my schools there were always stories of people having shoplifted clothes etc. I guess we were not very well off. My one attempt at nicking something from Boots as a child was partly to try out this thing I had heard about and partly because I really wanted to have a nice thing and never had any money.

As an adult, today, no, it wouldn't cross my mind either: I don't bother dreaming about things I can't afford.

BaroldandNedmund · 22/08/2023 12:18

JauntyJinty · 22/08/2023 09:45

From a small business both A and B

From a large corporation just A!

This. And also it would depend on the situation. It’s not wrong to steal food if you’re starving.

When Tesco abides by a strict moral code then maybe the general public would be more inclined to.