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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has anyone rekindled an old love and it's worked out?

23 replies

sugarsaltsea · 21/08/2023 19:58

Many years ago, I was with a partner for 8 years. We had known each other from being children and were 'boyfriend and girlfriend' from being 11. Then were friends until we were 18 where we began dating one another again and eventually moved in together and stayed together until we were 27.

I ended the relationship and he was devastated. We both were but I felt trapped and like I hadn't lived enough of my life and that there was more I needed to explore. It was awful as we still loved one another.

Anyway - ridiculously I ended up in a 10 year, abusive marriage and explored nothing but trauma and heartache.

My ex recently got in contact and we have caught up on what has been happening with our lives.
Funnily enough, he has travelled the world and plans to do more of it.

We are both married (but separating from them. I'm just about to file for divorce with mine) and we each have children.

My ex has told me that all he's thought about since we broke up is being with me. Every country he's visited, he wished I was with him. He thinks of his future and he sees us together. He said he's thought about me every single day since we ended and always hoped that at some point our lives would collide again and we could give it another try.

He has had a couple of serious relationships - the last one is the woman he married. But he says it's always been me and he feels that finally we can have a life together that we couldn't back then.

Do these things ever work out?
Have you ever had this and it be successful or you were happier than you were the last time you were together?
Or is it all just a dream and a fantasy?

OP posts:
Mimimayhem18 · 21/08/2023 20:29

I think if you broke up solely, just for that reason and there was nobody else involved or any kind of abuse, then why not give it a chance? Just be aware that even if you both have this massive shared history, that you both will have changed quite a lot and that the pull of rose tinted glasses can be quite strong. You never know unless you try!

Original poster
sugarsaltsea · 21/08/2023 20:33

@Mimimayhem18

Yes, there was no one else involved. No abuse. We really loved and cared about one another.
I keep thinking about rose tinted glasses and wondering if that could be happening.
I'm just worried of going into something and it doesn't work out.

OP posts:
Original poster
sugarsaltsea · 21/08/2023 22:22

Anyone else?

OP posts:
Hawkins009 · 21/08/2023 22:26

Strangely I saw my ex a few weeks back, at the moment her current marriage is a mix.
That said not sure as and when but if the person made contact and was separated then I guess I'd begin as friends first.

I guess sometimes it's better to try and fail rather than not try.

Original poster
sugarsaltsea · 22/08/2023 05:10

@Hawkins009
We are talking and have always been good friends. We do find it easy to chat and get on. More than I probably have with anyone else really.

OP posts:
Soozikinzii · 22/08/2023 05:13

Yes a friend of mine recently married her teenage sweetheart and they're in their 50s ! It's really lovely to see how they've found each other again .

Mrsphilmiller · 22/08/2023 05:16

Yea, I think defo defo DEFO give it a go!!
how old are the kids?

Spottypineapple · 22/08/2023 05:22

Katherine Ryan married her high school sweet heart in the last few years and they have two babies together now!

anonanon12345 · 22/08/2023 05:24

Go for it.

I'm currently dating an ex from my teen years. We were together for two years and both had very difficult experiences going on or to get through. It's also carried on a bit like that for the both of us. We understand each other in ways others can't because we were there and saw what was happening for each other. Been apart 15 years but stayed in contact albeit not that chatty that often just here and there.

It's been a whirlwind. The old feelings are still there. We've both changed in some ways but not at all in others. We still see the teenager in each other from way back when. I've recently separated from a longgggg relationship and he is out of a shorter one. I wouldn't be interested in dating anyone at this point but I already know him, and I've been surprised how I've felt about the prospect of someone else coming into my life. It would have been a no for anyone else right now!

isthismylifenow · 22/08/2023 05:28

I would tread cautiously OP.

As much as it sounds like it may work, you are both going through divorces and there could be an element of rebound from both sides.

kingtamponthefurred · 22/08/2023 05:37

It seems to have worked out for Charles and Camilla.

Devilsmommy · 22/08/2023 05:38

My dad had a girlfriend from school who he got back with years after him and my mom split. They are still together 10 years on

Original poster
sugarsaltsea · 22/08/2023 06:27

kingtamponthefurred · 22/08/2023 05:37

It seems to have worked out for Charles and Camilla.

😂

OP posts:
Original poster
sugarsaltsea · 22/08/2023 06:30

@anonanon12345

I think that's part of it too. We've known each other so so long. We know things others don't. We saw each others lives as kids so we have a good understanding of what we each went through. (We both have difficult times as kids).

We know one another's families. Mine love him and were very upset when we ended.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 22/08/2023 06:32

Why not, give it a go. Life is short and nothing horrible happened, you just wanted to spread your wings a bit. Sounds like he’s always loved you, I’d definitely go for it. Take things slowly, which you’ll have to anyway as children are concerned. But enjoy - yes it can and does work out for many and you’ve no way of knowing if you don’t try

Original poster
sugarsaltsea · 22/08/2023 06:33

@Devilsmommy

That's lovely they're still together.

How did your mum take it? Did it bother her that it was an ex he got with?

Part of our worry is that the partners we had children with will react badly. If we didn't give it another go, we probably couldn't tell them for a good while.

OP posts:
Peccary · 22/08/2023 06:36

My aunt is now married to a teenage boyfriend (she's in her 60s) They both married other people and had kids in the interim getting divorced in their 50s

Devilsmommy · 22/08/2023 06:40

sugarsaltsea · 22/08/2023 06:33

@Devilsmommy

That's lovely they're still together.

How did your mum take it? Did it bother her that it was an ex he got with?

Part of our worry is that the partners we had children with will react badly. If we didn't give it another go, we probably couldn't tell them for a good while.

My mom had absolutely no problems with it and about 5 years ago she got back together with her school boyfriend so just shows it isn't always a bad thing 🙂

Original poster
sugarsaltsea · 22/08/2023 06:49

@Devilsmommy
Oh wow! ☺️

OP posts:
Original poster
sugarsaltsea · 22/08/2023 06:50

@Peccary
Oh that's lovely!

OP posts:
PurBal · 22/08/2023 06:55

I always had a rule of always moving forward and never backward in relationships. That said, DH was an ex. We had met when I was only 18. I had a serious boyfriend after him (lived together, moved abroad with him) but we rekindled when I came back to the UK. We weren’t apart as long but we’ve been married for 5 years and now have two children.

crumpet · 22/08/2023 07:00

Yes it can, but take it slowly, and take the time to get to know each other again. Yes on one level you know each other deeply, but at the same time you’ve both lived different lives, and it’s worth taking the time to reconnect properly rather than jumping in and assuming you both know everything about each other

anonanon12345 · 22/08/2023 09:59

sugarsaltsea · 22/08/2023 06:33

@Devilsmommy

That's lovely they're still together.

How did your mum take it? Did it bother her that it was an ex he got with?

Part of our worry is that the partners we had children with will react badly. If we didn't give it another go, we probably couldn't tell them for a good while.

I have no intentions to share with my ex atm. We have a child together but my old ex/now bf doesn't have any. I think my ex will be a bit funny because he won't like me being with someone else. But that's the main reason, it could be anyone and he wouldn't like it.

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