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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you're single...

42 replies

Tellmeifimwrong · 21/08/2023 16:13

...who do you talk to when you're sad/tired/lonely?

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 21/08/2023 16:14

My friends.
My parents.
My brother.

Original poster
Tellmeifimwrong · 21/08/2023 16:19

Do you actually tell them what's going on for you? I seem not to be able to open up. And I'd certainly never talk to my parents.

OP posts:
LemonDrizzleDessert · 21/08/2023 16:19

To MN Vipers 😥

SusanSHelit · 21/08/2023 16:25

I talked to my best friend and my cat.

I still do primarily. My bf is lovely but we've only together 7 months so there are some things that don't get shared with him.

The cat is a great secret keeper and doesn't judge much.

I certainly don't talk to my parents. My mum castrophises everything, my dad either does nothing or tells my mum. Neither of these options is ever especially helpful.

My bf is the best though. We've been friends for 30 years and she always knows exactly what to say/do and exactly when to say nothing at all but turn up with a bottle of rum and a pizza menu.

I'm pretty closed off to pretty much everyone else. I've never thought of it as a problem, I'm just quite private

Beezknees · 21/08/2023 16:27

Honestly I don't really get lonely or sad. I don't like talking about my feelings anyway so I don't think I'd do it even if I had a partner.

Maverickess · 21/08/2023 16:30

Talk to my friends, take my dogs for a long walk with some music on or to the dog field and play with them (as in it's an activity that lifts my spirits and I am relaxed and happy afterwards).
Just take a day to recharge and do whatever I want to do, even if that's nothing. Play games on my phone, watch my guilty pleasure films or TV shows.

SkaneTos · 21/08/2023 16:32

Tellmeifimwrong · 21/08/2023 16:19

Do you actually tell them what's going on for you? I seem not to be able to open up. And I'd certainly never talk to my parents.

I can talk to my parents about almost everything, so I usually tell them what's going on. Same with my brother, but usually he is the one leaning on me, which is alright! But I can always count on him to cheer me up.
I have three best friends, from different stages in my life. Friends from my childhood I talk to about "old" stuff, and my other best friend who I met a few years ago I talk to about more recent stuff. And if there is something I do not feel like sharing, I can still talk to them and feel better and supported. I am lucky to have many supportive people in my life.

Daisy523 · 21/08/2023 16:41

As others have said, friends, siblings, parents. I find it hard to be vulnerable though so I much prefer closing my eyes, taking a few deep breaths and thinking it out in my head. For me, my anxiety makes my mind race so sitting down and actually being still for a moment is sometimes enough to calm me down.

But I only really talk to other people if I’m having a problem or worry. If I’m tired, I get cranky and prefer to be alone anyway. Sadness depends on what’s causing it, so only sometimes will I actually talk to someone. Other times I’ll just have a self care day, watch some tv or listen to music. And loneliness is an old friend of mine lol so normally I just have a cry and get on with it.

Daisy523 · 21/08/2023 16:43

Sorry I wrote loneliness is an old friend of mine and only AFTER did I realize it sounded similar to a Backstreet Boys song lyric 😂😂😂

Mariposista · 21/08/2023 17:04

Tellmeifimwrong · 21/08/2023 16:19

Do you actually tell them what's going on for you? I seem not to be able to open up. And I'd certainly never talk to my parents.

I can talk to my mum about most things. But right now we are both grieving my lovely gran, who we cared for with little to no help from the rest of the family.
I have befriended the lovely lady vicar who took her funeral. She's young and open minded and I've been talking to her about grief, scary feelings her death has thrown up etc. She doesn't care if I am happy and talking about running, dogs, Prosecco and other silly things or sobbing on her shoulder.

Chantholtmouse · 21/08/2023 17:13

Nobody. It isn't easy.

Amispringy · 21/08/2023 17:14

Friends

Or myself in the car

UseOfWeapons · 21/08/2023 17:14

My parents and friends, I can talk about pretty much anything. I don't; really get lonely, although I live alone.
Sometimes I just choose not to. I go for a long walk, talk to myself, listen to some music and use it to gradually change my mood. Sometimes I do lots of cleaning, sometimes it helps, but at the end of the day, if it doesn't the house looks better!

catscatscurrantscurrants · 21/08/2023 17:27

Like a PP, to my cat. I also write a lot of things down, then go back and look at them a while later to get a better perspective. And I have one very levelheaded and well-grounded friend that I feel I can tell most things to if needed.

CharlotteBog · 21/08/2023 17:33

Primarily my sister. We are incredibly close.
Also a very good local friend.
I can phone or message them when I need support.

I also have lots of good friends who I can open up to in person or via msg.

When I feel really, really low I call the Samaritans, pour my wee soul out, have a good old cry and then carry on. Very, very few people see me in that state. Not because I feel there is any shame in it, it's just my natural reaction.

I appreciated how valuable my sister and friend are while I was away for 3 weeks. My sister is also away on a well earned break and I didn't want to burden her with an issue which was really upsetting me, and it was too long to type out to my friend.

For general frustrations (the sort of mundane things you wang on to a partner about but isn't worth phoning a friend for) I go for a run. I sometimes go for a march walk around the fields and mutter to myself.

I am a lone parent and my support network is vital. I am quite low on resilience.

Fallingoutofsanity · 21/08/2023 17:34

I don't.

devildeepbluesea · 21/08/2023 17:45

No one. I’ve no desire to talk about my feelings thanks! I wouldn’t even if I had a partner.

LemonDrizzleDessert · 21/08/2023 17:45

Chantholtmouse · 21/08/2023 17:13

Nobody. It isn't easy.

💐

LemonDrizzleDessert · 21/08/2023 17:45

Fallingoutofsanity · 21/08/2023 17:34

I don't.

💐

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/08/2023 17:59

The dogs they don't judge you, unlike the cat.

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/08/2023 18:20

I’m not technically single although I feel very single in many ways (separate homes and finances). But I don’t get the logic of your post which is that single people don’t have anyone to talk to.

I can talk to my DP of course but I can just as easily talk to my four or five closest friends, my sister and some of my colleagues.

Being in a romantic relationship isn’t guaranteed access to an emotional hotline.

shellyleppard · 21/08/2023 18:22

My cats, my teenage son. But if it's really bad I tell all to the Samaritan's x its not always easy opening up about things x

Jellykat · 21/08/2023 18:25

No one, i just keep busy, do something productive.. but if im not at work i have the radio on all day to distract me and keep me company.

ALongHardWinter · 21/08/2023 18:25

My daughter. My granddaughter. My cat.

DinaofCloud9 · 21/08/2023 18:25

My sister
Friends
My mum
My sons.

I don't really get lonely though.