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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hubby going out again

36 replies

jeallybellybean · 21/08/2023 15:28

Hi,
am I being unreasonable?
my husband had a leaving do with all his work colleagues, as their team were all made redundant. He didn’t leave straight away and was kept on for another couple of months due to company needs.

He’s now doing odd days to help out for a few hours a week until the end of November whilst he works at his new job, but he is by no means an employee like he was. His old team want to arrange a leaving so for him with some current employees, but I thought their big night out before the summer was their team big leaving do where they all exchanged gifts with each other etc and said goodbye.

i feel like it is just an excuse for a night out together. I don’t mind their night out just don’t like the reason for it. I feel a bit weird about this as they never used to all go out together as a team and weren’t that close and now it feels like they are having a night out for the sake of it. Am I wrong to feel this way?

OP posts:
Boymummyofone · 21/08/2023 16:08

Sorry OP a night out with work colleagues is the least of your worries or maybe you're painting it that way to try and bury your instinct that there's more to it and by reading the update, I can see why you don't believe/trust him.

What I don't understand is that HE broke your trust by cheating but yet someone treats you as if you were the one the one that cheated. Controlling you and manipulating you into staying home isn't a healthy or safe environment for you. I would seriously reconsider the relationship overall if I was in your position.

littleboymama · 21/08/2023 16:08

I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone and not even having the trust in them to do something as small as going out with colleagues. It’s not that I don’t blame you - I couldn’t imagine staying with someone who had an affair for 6 months either. I just think life is too short, he’s controlling and doesn’t like you going out? Your relationship seems doomed and from what you’ve posted too complicated.

littleboymama · 21/08/2023 16:09

How can you be in a happy relationship if he doesn’t trust you, you don’t trust him. I just think you’re wasting your short life being unhappy.

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 21/08/2023 16:10

I could not be in a relationship like this.

BadBadDecisions · 21/08/2023 16:12

The night out in question is SO not the issue here.

Your marriage is fucked up.

UndercoverCop · 21/08/2023 16:18

I have a colleague who about ten years ago was on a fixed term traineeship, got to the end we had a leaving do and presents, then they extended her by 3 months, so we had more drinks but no extra present, she found out on the day she was being kept on for another six months in a different role, so we still went for drinks anyway. At the end of the six months we got her another present there had been some back and forth about whether she could be kept on but was given a categoric no. She applied for a perm role but didn't get it. We got her a lovely bracelet went for a meal had drinks etc. Monday they called and offered her a permanent vacancy! Various role moves, promotions, team changes etc later, we still joke about how many leaving events and presents she had out of us.

HIBU for leaving drinks round two, he is BVVU to have an affair, question you admit going out and claim they're it's money for him to do so but not you.

Rolypolyup · 21/08/2023 16:20

Why don't you go along too?

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 21/08/2023 16:20

jeallybellybean · 21/08/2023 15:59

Eg I went for a quick drink with a friend the other day and I was gone 2 hours for a catch up over one drink. When I got back he said it was too late to head into town for food...I got back at 6.45pm we normally eat at a restaurant for 7.30pm. He also said he wasn't hungry. He is always hungry. So I felt it was his way of saying he was annoyed that I was longer than an hour or what he saw as a one drink catch up.

He was then starving by 8pm and wanted loads of snacks...

Is that controlling behaviour? Or my imagination?

I*s that controlling behaviour?
*
Yes.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 21/08/2023 16:21

Sorry bold fail!

cheddercherry · 21/08/2023 20:18

So he guilt trips you into no nights out, pulls out the money anxiety to keep you at home, has cheated and lied to cover months of an affair, sulks if you see friends, guilts you with the kids, cries if you go away and emotionally blackmails you into being a stuck at home wife worrying about what he’s up to every time he goes out.

His work mates can keep him. It sounds awful.

SgtPercyTwentyman · 21/08/2023 20:47

jeallybellybean · 21/08/2023 15:39

Just to confirm, you’d go on a leaving do with your team that’s for you too. Where you all exchange gifts and say goodbye to each other because it’s a leaving do for you and all your team, only to have another leaving do because you kind of haven’t left yet but they have got someone else in for your old role and you don’t have a job there any more? Are they going to exchange gifts all over again?

Yes, I would go. It would be weird not to.

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