To realise I don’t care enough/that much

[smallrabbitfeet]

I work for a large organisation (finance)

I have two DDs aged 9 and 6 and a very busy home life. I’ve always worked full time and my DH has for long periods worked away. I’ve always been stressed and working hard and putting the most in that I can.

then over the past month or so (maybe 2) I’ve realised that I just don’t care anymore about the job. I still work hard but I can’t get worked up. The people I work with are VERY serious and need things done yesterday. I’ve suddenly had this epiphany that they can wait and if they’re annoyed then I just don’t give a fuck.

im 40 now and I don’t know if it’s that or I’m just completely burned out.

anyone else had this?

p.s I am still putting in the effort - I’ve just lost interest completely.

Yes I had this. I was working in a tech company and worked really hard. I got passed for promotion a few times and it got to a stage when I just thought 'fuck it'.
I found I was in meetings listening to colleagues draw out simple explanations into really complex conversations just to show they were intelligent. I was fed up of going to endless pointless meetings. I could not be fucked about anymore workshops which were just opportunities for facilitators to show they could present (for promotion - waste of everyone else's time normally). And when a 'new way of working' or new system was rolled out - agile, slack, asana etc etc I just lost all enthusiasm.
I now work in the arts and love it. A lot less bullshit, a lot less money, but I see my family more, have a lot more job satisfaction and I'm a lot happier.

Had this epiphany about a year ago (I'm 36). A couple of things to keep in mind/that I have learned:

• it's much easier to have this attitude if you've already climbed the ladder to a reasonable degree (not sure I could have done it in my 20s)
• I don't think we should buy in to the 'do something you're passionate about' argument when it comes to jobs. Jobs are for money, don't retrain in the hope your interests and work will align- I think it rarely works out like that
• so many people at work are just a bit rubbish tbh - it really doesn't take much to stand out by being reliable and responsive, even if you DGAF. Don't buy into imposter syndrome that everyone is better than you and pushing back often earns you respect, I find.

It would be weird if you didn’t feel like that!

In a new job I liked, so worked hard in my 20s. I developed blisters between and on top of my toes, every one. Dr, an old fashioned GP character said they can pay you to work, they can pay you to work very hard. Nobody pays you enough to worry.
He signed me off for a month.

Yep. I'm actually a teacher and 25 years in can deliver perfectly good, engaging, productive and effective lessons with a few minutes planning ahead of what if anything needs photocopying or which PowerPoint to use. I know my stuff, know how to keep order and know that after a certain point my students' results are up to them, not me. I see colleagues rushing about with grey faces and furrowed brows and I keep a bit quiet because I just don't. My HoD and I have a running joke about our respective bucket of fucks and how full or empty they are. His is overflowing and he gives them away like sweets. He's a lovely guy but runs himself ragged. I am completely out of fucks. Ran out years ago.

Yes. Senior post and have just stopped caring here too. I see everyone else in headless chicken mode and I'm looking on wondering if they have nothing else going on in their lives to be so enthused by work.

I went on annual leave recently and left my work phone in my desk in the office, I got asked how I could be contacted if my phone was in my desk. They were very surprised when I said I'm not to be contacted, I'm on annual leave, they'll manage without me for a couple of weeks.

DH has worked for a company for about 20 years, a few years ago he completely stopped caring about it and stopped trying to go above and beyond or work beyond his hours. That year was the first time since his first year there that he got an award!

Yup, same here really. I go in and do my best but I'm done with taking my work home with me.

A few people have asked if I would be interested in working towards a promotion recently - hell no. The increase in salary in no way compensates for the additional responsibility and stress.

I try not to get involved in workplace disputes between colleagues, gossip etc too. I have far to much going on in my real life to care about that sort of thing!

I'm not even convinced that managers respect people that go above and beyond. I've seen too many colleagues that do this only to get treated with absolute contempt by management.

I learned the lesson far too young. My dad worked himself to death, literally, in his early 50s. He was replaced by 3 people to cover his role. I was still at junior school.

Employees are replaceable. Lives are not.

I'll work hard at what's worthwhile, and work as smart as I can. But busting a gut out for the sake of it? No.

I'm not even convinced that managers respect people that go above and beyond. I've seen too many colleagues that do this only to get treated with absolute contempt by management.

Imo, they don’t. In the accountancy profession, the partners are in business to make profit, particularly off the backs of the managers and senior managers, who work their guts out, in the hope of being made a partner one day. Statistically, I believe only 1 in 3 will be made a partner, so the other 2/3 are cynically being used. A friend of ours joined a medium sized firm and they were the only qualified person in a LTR in their department, and that was only because their OH was an accountant and understood the hours.

I’d have thought burn out is common in the managers and senior managers. I’m certainly seeing a case of it now, in some one we know! Others we know left the Big 4 to go work in a different sector, where the hours are kinder!

I dare say it’s the same in finance departments in the corporate sector?

We’re a team of 8 caseworkers. My colleague is a terrible worrier. I point out every now and then that if she dropped dead tomorrow, her cases would simply be divvied up amongst the rest of us. The work wheels would keep turning without her.

But her teenagers would have lost their mum and her parents would have outlived their only child.

Work just isn’t that important in the grand scheme of things.

"Dream job" is a contradiction in terms. It's propaganda! The dream is to have loads of free money and do whatever you fancy, maybe set up a charity or travel the world...

YANBU, do a fair day's work and then turn it all off. It's the only way, anything else is literally insane.

Yes I have felt like this about my role for the past year or so now.
We have also been through a restructure, previous line manager was always available if needed but was happy to let us get on with things and make our own decisions within reason and as long as work was done. New line manager seems to want to micromanage everything which pisses me off tbh. Also there is a lot more red tape, pointless pen pushing, complaints that we are behind with things when a lot of time is wasted having to attend pointless meetings of which everything that is discussed could have just been put in an email.
When I first started I was passionate about the role and what we do, now nearly 7 years later I have come to realise I just really don’t GAS anymore. I have 2 DC aged 11.5 and 9 and I’m about to turn 40. I currently work 20 hours per week, I won’t say exactly what I do in case outing, but 3 of the 20 hours I work I spend time doing something that I do enjoy and work with people who I will miss when I eventually leave, the other 17 hours if I left tomorrow I wouldn’t take a second look back. The truth is a small number of our service users make positive changes and turn their lives around which is great, but I would say over 2/3 of them don’t care, are coming because they have been told they have to in order to tick boxes to access other things and once they have ticked that box go back to their previous ways.
I am currently sticking it out as it is flexible, fits in around school runs and holiday clubs etc, but I realise that when the DC are older and need help with college or Uni fees I am going to have to work FT again, also to have decent pension, and the thought of doing my current role FT fills me with dread so once they are both at secondary school I will be looking at something else/re-training.
I have been signed off this week by my GP as I had the misfortune to get to infections at once and still run down. Previously I would have felt guilty at being off sick, as though I was letting the side down, now I’m like ‘oh well, they will just have to manage without me’

Ah I’ve found my people.

my boss today was in a tizz about something and I just couldn’t muster the energy to care or really ask too many questions because it didn’t affect me and I didn’t want any actions to arise from me asking too many questions 😂

Similar age and just don't give a fuck. In my 20 I would have happily did extra and did.
I would rather just chug along now.

They've also screwed us over, if you change roles your rewards and benefits most likely will be much less.

Do we're all stuck, nothing out there pays the same money for similar skills. I don't hate it enough to leave. It's an easy job. I will be reducing more hours in the next few years too.

I do like it in the sense I have no work baggage I take home with me at all.

Wait til you all hit 50 and menopause - you'll give even less of a fuck.

I've been like this since the pandemic. Don't give a fig anymore.

Yes! I’m 41 and in my 30s I was so passionate about my job, did crazy hours working in evenings after dc were in bed, answering the on call phone at all hours for no extra pay. I’ve stopped. I work my hours and occasionally over but I take the time back/don’t feel guilty about dr appointments etc.

It is not that I don’t do a good job, I just limit it to my work hours. I used to desperately want to be a director but now I’m not sure I want the stress even for the £££. I think for me it’s a combination of age, covid burnout (NHS) and my organisation treating me and many others badly during the restructuring process over the last year. I’ve come out okay with a job I mostly enjoy but it showed how little individuals matter to the senior management so why would I go above and beyond?

I think my boss might be on track for a full on breakdown but mostly it’s her own making or the director above her. He’s like Jekyll and Hyde.

Yes absolutely, similar industry and work dynamics. I interpret it as properly understanding what is important in life eg DS, my family's and my own health etc. I used to skip with joy when I got positive feedback from work, now the only thing that makes me skip with joy is anticipation of picking my baby up from the nursery in the evening and seeing his little face running to me with joy ❤️

Yep!
I am the oldest in my team… and I just CBA ( can’t be arsed) any more! It’s so freeing. I am good at my job, but often watch younger members of the team try and out do me. I just let them .. .. as I CBA

Yep.

I'm currently unexpectedly off work to deal with DH having surgery. I'm thinking about making it permanent 🤔

@bossybloss ah yes all the youngsters with their keen-ness and thinking they can do your job. I have fantasies about being made redundant and them replacing me with someone young and cheap who royally fucks everything up.

I often suspect that this is why people move in to self employed consultancy style work in their industry. It's hard to give many fucks over a sustained period of time, especially once you have a family. It's much more appealing to give some fucks for a limited period and then move on to the next client.