When people (men?) huff at you for ridiculous reasons.

[GingerIsBest]

This is a very minor, not important thing that nonetheless has me slightly bemused. So... to MN for a verdict!

We have a dropped kerb for our driveway, as does our NDN on the left. On the right, in the gap between our other NDN's driveway and our driveway there is space for two cars to park (free, unrestricted). As I was leaving the house, about to get in the car to go do some shopping on Saturday, a local delivery driver pulled up and blocked our driveway. I recognised him and asked if he had a parcel for us. He said no, it was for our NDN on the left. So I said, very politely and cheerfully, "oh, great, I'm just heading out can you please move first".

Two very important points here:

1. Our NDN, to whom he was ACTUALLY delivering, had a driveway that he could have blocked and he had chosen NOT to.
2. BOTH of the spaces between us and the other NDNs were empty.

He huffed at me and rolled his eyes, but did move.

I wasn't upset or angry but definitely a bit bemused and also slightly amused at this man being so shocked that I wouldn't just wait for him to do his job. My view is that there were plentiful spaces and it is ridiculous that because it is marginally easier for him to block our driveway (although, I don't know why but assume there must he a reason that he did so), why should I have to wait.

I think Dh thinks I should have just waited for him to deliver the parcel and that I was being difficult (DH is, admittedly, a people pleaser of ridiculous levels that has caused arguments before).

So MN, should I have been a good little woman and waited or should he have just parked in a way that didn't block my driveway in the first place?!

As for why mention it? well, because I consistently notice that white middle aged/older men are the ones who are most likely to be huffing and who expect everyone else to accommodate them. It's pretty well established as part of white male privilege. But of course, I'm also aware that lots and lots of people on MN do not think that white male privilege and entitlement behaviour exists. As this thread shows.

@Positivelypatient I instinctively agree. I suspect if DH had been standing in the driveway they would have exchanged friendly waves and mutual, "hi mates" and the driver would have reversed back, over the driveway of the house he was actually visiting, and DH would have driven away with another cheery wave.

Lot of goadies on Mumsnet this morning, I see. Monday mornings, eh? Oh no, I'm being bigoted about days of the week, I must whip myself in penance.

Maybe they would have run off together and eloped and spent their honeymoon skipping through daisy's

And maybe your imagination is running away with you, you certainly sounds like you have issues to address with yourself

@Zimunya I discovered patriachy chicken when I was pregnant with DD and suffering from bad SPD. I couldn't work out why I kept getting banged into. It made no sense to me - my experience with men was that sort of "chivalry" thing eg holding a door or whatever. But then I discovered patriarchy chicken and realised that I was simply unable to instinctively get out of the way as I had habitually been doing.

DH is one of those men who holds doors, gives up his seat etc etc. He couldn't believe it when I told him about this. A few days later he came back to me, extraordinarily sheepish, and he said he'd been paying attention and realised that while he absolutely does the doors, and standing back for people and all the rest of it - ie things that are ingrained in him as polite and socially appropriate gestures, he hadn't even realised it but he had internalised the assumption that he can always walk in a completely straight line and had been oblivious to all the people (women, mostly) who were leaping out of his way.

Your husband may be a people pleaser but he’s right in this instance, no reason not to wait for 2 mins in this situation. Rather than race, sex or whatever the power dynamic here is you needlessly making like difficult someone in a stressful low paid job. Be kind nice to these people and focus your anger on taking down arrogant entitled patriarchal fuckwits instead, there are plenty about.

YANBU at all. First of all, he was in the wrong (using the wrong driveway), although it wasn't a big deal and probably 95% of the time he could have got in and out without anyone being inconvenienced. As it did inconvenience you and you politely made this clear, he should have sucked up the thirty seconds it would have taken him to roll back the van enough to let you pass, as that was considerably less inconvenient to him than waiting an unknown amount of time - but likely at least 2 minutes, more if he needed a signature - was to you. I'd overlook the huff, which might be involuntary (had a hard day, got bad news, etc.) but would absolutely have expected him to move immediately when asked.

OP, ignore the bizarre replies here.

Recently Mumsnet has been very seriously targeted by MRA groups, who flood any thread where women dare to acknowledge that male violence exists with abuse, as a way of censoring women. I've seen it half a dozen times lately - you cannot discuss misogyny at all without a bunch of MRA types coming along and screaming at you and doing their level best to derail the thread.

The fact multiple comments all so similar in nature were made within minutes is pretty telling. Obviously some kind of bat signal "woman having an opinion!!" went up somewhere.

As for the "acknowledging white privilege exists is racist against white people" - that's unfortunately just a fact that Mumsnet has a pretty big problem with racism and racism not being stamped out, so a lot of white supremacist types come here. Literally any time there's a thread about racism posters will line up to insist it's not real, just black people being overly sensitive, just black people "playing the race card" -- there's unfortunately a lot of far right wing white supremacists types on MN who genuinely believe racism doesn't exist except for racism against white people. It's really scary.

But I didn't make life difficult. this is what I'm finding so astonishing about this thread. He CHOSE to block the wrong driveway. Reversing to block the correct driveway was the job of seconds as he was already in the car, with the ignition on.

But instead, I am being difficult because I didn't want to wait for 2 minutes?

Please, can someone tell me why my time is so much less valuable than his? Please?

YANBU I would have looked at him like the entitled simpleton he appears to be and asked him why he was blocking my drive with all that space there when I need to leave.

What a twit.

😂

I mean there's something going on. This is about the 3rd thread I've clicked on with posters being unnecessarily arsey with the op. Who even starts of her op by saying was a minor annoyance.

I would be a bit miffed op. The only defense I can think of for the driver is that they have a huge amount of deliveries to in a limited amount of time. He could have just been in that head space and it was an involuntary reaction. I've certainly been guilty of eye rolling and huffing. More than I should. Saying that, I'd still be mildly annoyed even though that makes me a hypocrite!

Case in point: the patriarchy chicken thread has loads of comments just screaming in outrage about what awful evil "man-hating misandrists" we are, and demanding that women simply stand to one side to let men go past first.

Male rage is scary.

Yes, except I am heartened to see the vote is largely going my way! So the people taking the time to comment are all outraged that I didn't drop to my knees and thank him for giving me the opportunity to put myself out for him, but there are clearly lots of other people who agree with me that it's a bit ridiculous!

And therein lies the rub. Even "good" men (I have one too!) have internalised the sense of entitlement. Luckily, there are also good women who can point it out to them!

Your time isn’t less valuable than his. He probably gave the whole thing little thought as he has hundreds of parcels to deliver in one day. Not everyone gives much thought to their actions when busy. Doesn’t make it right but there it is nonetheless. I’ve seen some vicious arguments between men when these things happen so I disagree that he was huffy because you are a woman. It sounds like it was all down to his mood. So not your fault, you just caught him at a bad time. In the grand scheme of things it’s unimportant.

100%! I hope those views aren't representative of the average MN user. I like to think they're not, and it's just a few very loud people who come on here to stir things up.

My immediate thought is that it’s a driver thing (not all drivers…) I’ve noticed some drivers get very get up about having to move even a little bit further, you’d think they had to get out and carry the car.

Still remember the taxi driver who huffed and puffed because I wouldn’t walk to the corner with the very heavy object I needed to transport, for his perceived convenience. “But I will have to go round!” Yes mate, 2 minutes down one one- way and up another. Sorry to ruin your day.

Sorry I mustn’t have read your op properly, didn’t realise he was still in the van, in which case YANBU. I thought he had to get back in the van.
In general yes, it was inconsiderate of him to block your driveway but personally I’d put it down to a mistake made in a hurry as these drivers always are. (Their reckless and aggressive driving is another thing to complain about but it’s a small price to pay for all that lovely cheap Amazon shit).
As to whose time is more valuable, he’s literally on the clock.