To be so fucking fed up about this *trigger warning- photo*

[woopsididitagain]

I’ve been a nail biter all my life. I’ve tried EVERYTHING. Gloves. Plasters on my fingers. Horrible tasting nail polish. Stress balls. Therapy. Nothing really makes a difference. I’ve bitten my nails since I grew my first tooth (no joke, every baby photo of me shows my fingers in my mouth biting my nails). I know it’s a filthy habit and more germs than a toilet seat etc but I physically cannot help it. I even do it in my sleep. If I go to sleep with gloves tied round my wrists I’ll wake up in the morning with them removed and my nails all bitten down. I hate my nails so so much and feel disgusting- I don’t know why I can’t stop it. I don’t bite the skin around my nails it’s just the nail itself

it’s definitely worse when I get stressed, even slightly or normal life stresses. I’ve tried therapy etc but made no difference.

ive realised tonight that I’ve probably damaged the pain receptors in my finger. Over the last week I’ve bitten one of my nails to the point there’s almost no nail left at all. It hurts but not as much as it would to someone else. I don’t want to bite my nail more but I genuinely think when I wake up in the morning I’ll have bitten it off in my sleep

not really sure why I’m posting but I’m in pain and feel so upset with myself :( I hate this habit so much. Has anyone ever been able to kick it for good? Or does anyone have advice for how I can stop my finger throbbing now as I’m scared it gets infected (my own fault I know but I didn’t even realise I was biting my nails until it was all off)

Oh dear that looks like it hurts so much! Definitely doctor to treat infection. I had an infection like that once and got antibiotics and was told to soak it often in hot water with lots of salt. I am also a lifelong serious nail biter, to the point where I had trouble getting a fingerprint scan for my work because I essentially don't have fingerprints. Here is what helps me: 1) Wearing cotton gloves to bed at night. I did a lot of biting while I am waiting to fall asleep. Wearing gloves to bed absolutely stops that. 2) High-quality magnesium supplements with magnesium glycinate. Generally reduces anxiety. 3) A sound and light system. It's a little hard to explain what this is. It is a technology that helps the brain get into other states. I mainly use it to help me fall asleep. One can read about these systems online. 4) For a while I was on anti-anxiety medication. In the short run it reduced the biting, however, the affects of being on the medication for more than a few months were bad (in fact very very bad), and I would not recommend it except as a short term stop gap measure. Good luck!

That's fantastic. Thank you for explaining how it works. I'll get straight onto my dentist in the morning.

I used to do similar. I also used to pick the skin off my feet until the entire sole was red raw and impossible to walk on.

First thing is to accept this isn't "nail biting". It's self harm in the form of nail biting. Don't look up "how to stop nail biting, look up "how to stop self-harming".

What fixed it for me was a combination of therapy, becoming much more mentally stable, and refocusing onto a non damaging fixation.

Every time I found myself unconsciously picking, I switched to doing something else that provided satisfying stimulation. For me it was a combo of fidget toys and twirling a lock of my hair. Every single time I noticed I was doing it I'd just instantly switch to something else. Eventually my brain rewired itself to go directly to the other stimulation when I felt the need to pick and I found myself doing it less and less.

I still struggle a little - sometimes I'll play with my hair to the point where the skin under it is sore and tender and I'll keep going and give myself a headache but I'm getting better at switching to toys when that happens.

Changing your behaviour to something non damaging is probably going to be better than just trying to stop fully - at least in the early days.

I finally broke the habit when I had invisible braces on. I physically couldn't bite my nails with my invisaligns in, and I wore then for about 9 months, which was enough to break the habit. Have you ever considered getting braces?

Custom mouth-guards are made the same way Invisalign are, same thing

Likewise the custom-made teeth whitening trays (without the gel) - all made from taking dental impressions

According to my daughter's therapist it is a form of self harm and is associated with OCD.

Have you considered medication rather than CBT? Sorry if this has already been covered.

This is also pretty much how I gave up nail biting, a couple of fingers at a time

Plus though once my nails were long enough, for years I still bit them, just not right down, I just bit a little bit off then filed it but I still had the ritual of nail biting and nail to chew on.

Have you tried an SSRI? There could be one specifically for OCD that might help. I did find an article that having an appliance in the mouth, a metal grid of sorts to prevent the teeth from being able to get at the nails effectively did allow a sufferer to grow back their nails. If it were me I'd try an SSRI before getting metal rigging in my mouth. Also: your poor fingers. Owie owie owie.

This is compulsive behaviour. Have you got any other psychological/mental health conditions such as ADHD, anxiety, over eating?

There is anecdotal evidence from some users of semaglutide weight loss drugs e.g. wegovy that it improves comorbid health conditions, a big one being compulsive behaviours such as shopping and nail biting. I don't get all the science but something to do with glutamate in the brain. You obvs can't get a prescription for it for these other conditions, but if you happen to also be overweight I think it would be worth a shot.

But while you deal with this issue, please know it is not a moral failing on your part. You are not a bad person because you can't control this. Literally no one would be doing this to their own hands and fingers by choice - especially when you can't hide your hands from public view. Remember to practice self compassion 🌷

I bit mine very badly until I was 23. I
stopped because a friend stopped and I thought ‘if she can do it, so can I.’ Can you find a ‘stop biting’ buddy?

What helped was carrying a pair of nail clippers with me all the time, so if I broke one, I could trim it down. Good luck!

I've bitten my nails since I could chew. Admittedly not as severe as you, but there have been times I've not been far off with how short and inflamed they have been.

It's so hard because it's such an ingrained habit and difficult to stop when sleeping and you're not fully aware.

I would begin with soaking them in warm salt water to clean them up, and apply some mild scent free hand cream.

Buy a few pairs of eczema gloves or similar and wear them all day every day. Apply hand and nail cream regularly and keep the gloves on 24/7.

Once the nails begin to grow back they will be sensitive and weak. Really try to look after them, shape them, trim back cuticles, apply a nail hardener etc.

What worked for me was seeing them growing nicely and wanting them to stay that way. Keeping them well manicured and painted made me leave them alone.

During stressful situations the habit flares up and I bite them all off but l they mostly look like this now.

Pic!

@woopsididitagain I really feel for you as you are currently where I was several years ago. It's only been during the past 18 months, I would say, that I've managed to stop. I really recognise the soreness you describe, too. It's truly awful. Not to mention the constantly hiding my hands so people wouldn't see the state of my fingers.

Like you, I tried everything. But what has eventually proven successful for me (may not for you but I offer it from my personal experience) is meticulously clipping all the small loose bits of nail as soon as I become aware of them, as otherwise I try to bite them off without even thinking about it. I bought this little kit from Amazon and really only use the clipper but sometimes also the file just to 'shape' hard skin around the nail. I also bought this cuticle oil and I believe this is what has really helped the most because not long after I started using it, I noticed the soreness easing and that made a huge difference for me. I just keep one bottle upstairs by my bed and one downstairs right next to where I sit, and apply just a tiny drop at the base of each fingernail throughout the day/when I go to bed (I do wear cotton gloves during the night). If I get up for the bathroom during the night, I remove the gloves and apply the oil again, and the gloves, before I get back into bed. It might sound like a faff but really it doesn't take more than a minute and the oil is absorbed quite quickly.

I'm happy to say that my nails have grown surprisingly quickly over the past four/six months in particular and are nice and shiny and ridge-free. I haven't let them get past the tips of my fingers but just gently keep the tips rounded and really keep on top of loose flaky bits as I find that those are the worst culprits for causing me to bite in the first place.

Other posters have mentioned the link to stress and anxiety, etc, and I recognised that this has been true for me most of my life as my childhood was quite abusive. You don't really think about these things being linked, but they are. As I've grown older and recognised the truth about my childhood and a misjudged, unhappy marriage, I've been able to identify ways to help me relax and take better care of myself. Currently working on my hair and skin :-)

I do appreciate that we want our nails to grow out overnight and look better and healthier. But I also appreciate that we do genuinely know this is impossible, and for people like you and me, it's just as much about dealing with the actual physical pain the biting causes, the worry over whether or not we've gone too far and cannot undo the damage done, and the fear of developing infections that might make things even worse, if that were possible.

I don't have a complicated regime. Just the clipping, the cuticle oil (that particular one, for me, because as I said I tried everything including dozens of other products all pomising miracle growth etc) and wearing the gloves overnight. But the combination has worked and continues to work so I really hope it will work for you.

Please return regularly to update your post, OP, as I would like to support you on your painful - but NOT hopeless - journey. I wish you well and send a virtual hug of encouragement. I'm sorry I can't post any pictures as I don't own a camera.

@avemariiiaa Congratulations on your beautiful nails!

OP I sympathise. I've been biting since I was a young teen and am 41 now. I also struggle with compulsive hair pulling but am somewhat more on top of that as an adult.
My nails aren't quite as low as yours but not far off. I often have days where I bite so low my finger is really sore.
I've tried everything too, including therapy.
Before I had children I would always notice that I could actually break the habit a little when I was off work on holiday - so after two weeks of annual leave things would turn a corner. But I could never maintain it. It's very obviously linked to underlying physical stress even if it's the only way it's being expressed.
For various reasons (difficult child illnesses to handle, anxiety) since I've had children it's been really bad and there's never a pause.
I hate it. I don't know how to tackle it. But you're not alone.

Oh I should add my 6yo now bites hers too...😔

I used to be a nail biter. I used the nail polish for years but would suck it off. One year, like a PP, I decided to quit and put the nail polish on again. I didn’t hate it, I could have sucked it off but it was a reminder to stop. That said I think I redirected to hair pulling and scalp scratching (to the point it bleeds) so I’m not sure I really kicked the impulse. It does appear you have a particularly nasty habit, and given you bite in your sleep I can only empathise.

I was a nail biter well into adulthood. I eventually used the nasty tasting polish and made myself keep applying it and that worked for me (had previously tried often but would 'forget' to reapply). So don't think something won't work for you just because it wasn't right before.
I can't remember now how long I have been stopped but I do find it impossible to bite off a broken or jaggy nail. I have to use clippers.
Good luck with getting this sorted OP

This is a good idea.
what about chewing gum? It sounds like you have some sort of restlessness - I’d try and tackle it from the mouth pov first whilst you get to your hands to start healing. Definitely speak to your GP - I would say you are beyond the scope of ‘normal’ mail biting. Sudocrem yes but I would also say slather on Savlon and wear gloves and a mouth guard overnight. Nail Envy by opi is a brilliant product for nail growth and nourishment so once they get even a bit longer I would start putting that on regularly. Good luck X

Ow! I'm a nail biter too and I'll bite them down until they are throbbing and so sore. This photo looks particularly painful though! The only time I've ever managed to stop for a few months was for my wedding. I just painted them and that was that. I would never bite mine in my sleep so your habit sounds even worse that mine though! You have my sympathies! I doubt it's something that everyone will understand.

OP how is the bigger picture?

Nail biting and other compulsive behaviours are sometimes the result of anxiety or stresses in our lives.
Do you generally cope with life in a calm happy way?

Are you or could you be neurodivergent?

I never thought i was, but with my diagnosis of adhd and autism i realised my harmful habits like nail biting and skin picking were a stim and a way of calming me down. Most of the time i have no control over it, no matter how much i know it's harming me.

You need to visit your GP, it's infected and needs antibiotics. I had a similar red swelling in my thumb from biting the nail a few months ago.

I've managed to get mine down to one nail that I bite. I also did it mail by nail. I "sacrificed" my little fingers for a long time.

My main issue now is that I've damaged my nail bed on one finger and it has a split done it that has become my sacrificed nail.

It's not actually tooo bad at the moment.

Try the one by one. I also started taking vitamins for hair and nails and using Savlon in a thick layer over night.