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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would habitual procrastinators bother you?

9 replies

OhHelloItsLittleOldMe · 20/08/2023 22:43

I've known a friend since we were kids. I am, however, getting the "ick" when it comes to her because of her procrastination...

Last month I was looking to commission a painting for my room. I was looking around for local artists and she insisted that I should consider her freelancer artist friend. I said ok, give me her contact details. Radio silence. A week later, we were texting again and I said oh can you give me her contact details now? She said she's looking for it and that I should "relax" because she will give it to me "tonight".

"Tonight" comes and goes and no contact details. I found another local artist in the meantime and told her not to bother looking for the details. We're ok now but she made it sound as if I was wasting her time and snubbing her friend!

This happens all the time in various forms and I never used to mind how unreliable she was but nowadays it bothers me more and more every time it happens! She's joining my team at work soon so I can't even distance myself bit by bit as I was trying to do.

YABU: This wouldn't bother me.
YANBU: This would bother me.

OP posts:
KnowledgeableMomma · 21/08/2023 03:26

Yes, it would definitely bother me. You'll have to set better limits now that the behavior is a pattern. "So great that you know an artist friend! I need someone to get started by ---- this date. If I haven't received details by tomorrow, I'll keep looking. Thanks!"

This way, you have definite limits and, if the friend doesn't show on time/give you details/return money/etc., they really don't have any room to complain. Also, friends naturally grow apart for lots of reasons.

As to the work situation, there are always deadlines/hard limits in a work place. If she doesn't achieve those, then she gets written up or talked to.

Catsmere · 21/08/2023 06:09

It would piss me off completely. I would hate working with someone like that.

graygoose · 21/08/2023 06:24

It does bother me andmy DH and my close work friend are both like that. Drives me up the effing wall but there are other qualities about them that I love and value and so I accept it as a flaw, as I am sure they accept my (many) flaws too.

Especially for my close colleague, we work a lot together but ultimately I ensure that he is responsible for his own deadlines and that if something is missed because of his procrastination he takes responsibility, which he always does, so it doesn't make me look bad (selfishly).

DH's procrastination doesn't affect my career, just my sanity when I want something to be done now and he interprets a different timeline. However, I'm more chill about my personal life than I am about work.

Everyone is different though, I guess your question is whether that is a dealbreaker for a close relationship and for me it isn't. Still pisses me off though!

GarlicGrace · 21/08/2023 06:24

YANBU, but my whole family's like this, myself included. It's clearly a bummer if you always deliver on your promises and expect others to do the same. It bothers me a lot less, knowing that I'm slack and am used to it in others. I just have fluid expectations and backup plans!

I do hope your friend's more reliable at work - or, at least, that her performance won't reflect on you.

gannett · 21/08/2023 06:32

"The ick" is a bad enough phrase to use about dating but using it about a friend is 100 times worse than procrastinating.

CoffeeCantata · 21/08/2023 13:21

Definitely!

Some people believe that this kind of behaviour isn't just accidental - it reflects a subconscious intention not to do something.

I try not to procrastinate - it causes stress and usually lands you in a 'situation' of some sort.

Whataretheodds · 21/08/2023 13:24

I am a serial procrastinator. I have ADHD and anxiety. It drives me as mad as it drives anyone else. I can't imagine telling someone to 'relax' when they followed up on a deadline I'd missed. I'd apologise.

We're ok now but she made it sound as if I was wasting her time and snubbing her friend! no it doesn't, it sounds as though you got fed up waiting after she continued to not send the details, and got on with it yourself. No issue.

I would be mindful of how this might play put at work. Some people are different at work and home, but not always!

Aquamarine1029 · 21/08/2023 13:30

It would absolutely bother me. I don't have the time or the inclination to deal with people like this.

BertieBotts · 21/08/2023 13:42

It doesn't bother me because I am just as bad Blush

Well I am not any more. But I used to be and I am still not probably up to your standards OP.

I really value my procrastinator friends for reasons other than their efficiency, I just work around their tendencies if I want something from them, usually I will ask them in person at the time that I need it, or assume that it might not happen and rely on some other way to get what I need instead. For example, if one of my more procrastination-prone friends mentioned an artist I'd say oh great, let me know, and then if I didn't hear from them I wouldn't wait around for them, I'd assume that they had probably forgotten, or I would ask directly something like "What's the name of your freelance friend so I can search her?" Because I think the chain of her finding her friend's contact details, formulating a text to ask if her friend can help me, sending it, getting a response, remembering to send it back on to me is too much of a high expectation. But I can ask her for something she probably already knows like her name, and get the info instantly, and use it to check the person's websites/social media to see if I like their style.

If it's frustrating you then maybe you aren't a very good match?

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