I’m having a tough time at the moment. My Parent at stage 4 bowel cancer, spread to lungs and liver and now being investigated for possible brain metastases due to confusion and has had large weight loss.
ive been off work for two weeks on holiday which has been lovely, I’m due to go back on Wednesday though and it was really tough before I went off. I work in oncology and my unit actually treated my parent last year before the cancer spread from the bowel. It’s tough going in every day with the knowledge that the treatment my unit gave did not work for my parent. I know there are always failures but I feel like I’ve lost a bit of faith in what i do. Colleagues do care but I sometimes feel like that they can see me at work getting on with the job that I’m ok but I’m really not.
Aside from work, homelife is tough. DH and I are not in the best place, pressure due to finances, stress with my parent and what is going to happen, no sex life, and carrying the entire mental load of the family.
DH and I have had a huge argument today due to my mood and reaction to difficulties. he says he struggles with my constant negativity and short fuse. I admit that I do struggle with this but I feel I don’t have his support emotionally and he doesn’t show empathy. If I go to him with a problem he wants to fix it practically but if he can’t do this he doesn’t show me any moral support. This year with the rollercoaster cancer journey I’ve needed it more than ever. I know I need to be more calm and try to be more positive but it’s difficult to do this when I feel so completely alone, terrified I’m going to lose my parent and feel completely unsupported. Usually I’d speak to my parents but I can’t at the moment for obvious reasons. I’m just so sad. I don’t know what to do or where to go for some help but I know I need it. GP are useless and I don’t want to take any drugs anyway. I’ve heard CBT is good but how do I access this?