To think that her relationship with DD isn’t my responsibility?

[DatingMum577]

DD is 7, she hasn’t seen her Dad for nearly 2 years now because of DV and court proceedings which said contact wasn’t safe.

I still had a good relationship with his Mum - she checks in on DD, was regularly video calling, asking to arrange to meet up etc.

HOWEVER…

I’m not really keen on continuing this. She has been asking to call and meet up and I’ve been putting it off for several reasons. Firstly, because even though she’s an alright grandparent to DD, she still believes her son has done nothing wrong and the way he treated me and DD was absolutely fine and tries justifying what he put us both through. She knows what he is like because she has seen him hit me before. Secondly, she is extremely homophobic - she blames culture and religion for this - and I have been in a same sex relationship for a while now and I know that she will try and tell DD it’s wrong and sinful etc, and I don’t want DD exposed to that seeing as she lives in a same sex household. DD also has mild disabilities if that makes any difference.

Would I be wrong to just not bother with this anymore and leave it down to DD’s dad to sort out her relationship with his family - such as taking it back to court if he wants - and just take a massive step back from it all?

DD is used to not seeing them and never asks about them, often doesn’t want to video call and says no, she isn’t bothered by it all.

I’d leave it entirely to him.

I did facilitate my DDs relationship with their GPs when their father didn’t bother, but they are lovely people, not homophobic bigots and accept their son’s faults!

Shes not a good grandmother if she’s going to tell your DD that your relationship is a sin

No matter how 'good' a grandparent she is, if the relationship between her and dd continues it could ruin your own relationship with dd (ie if Granny, who she is told to love and respect, starts filling her head with ideas about it being OK for someone to hit their partner, daddy was right and a good person, Mummy was wrong to leave daddy, mummy's new relationship is sinful etc). It's not worth it.

I completely agree… now do I just take a step back and ignore any further communications or would it be better sending a brief message explaining why I’m not happy to continue with this and say that her son needs to arrange any further contact?

what would be best to do?

The one thing you do need to carefully consider is will she encourage her son to go back to court for access?

If that’s likely I’d tell her you’ll facilitate a video call once a month, but you’re not prepared to do meet ups at the moment.

You don’t want him more in your life

How could her son arénate contact when he isn't allowed any?

I agree with you OP but be smart about it. Telling her she’s effectively blocked will cause a lot of upset and things will take a nasty turn. Going quiet will do the same eventually.

Court means a judge deciding on what happens with your child’s contact, regardless of what you want to do.

You’re better off popping in to visit her semi-regularly on your own terms. That way you can’t be accused of no contact, she’s not left alone with her, she’s not in your home and you can get up and leave when you want to.

Make sure to appear very busy in general!

@YetMoreNewBeginnings she’s always been very anti-court, and DD’s dad failed to show up to court in the end or respond to them hence the process ending, I'm not sure if that would change though in the future!

@Haretest If he wanted his family to have contact, by taking it back to court.

@OriginalUsername2 we’ve already been through court and the evidence proved him to be unsafe around DD, I was very lucky with the judges I have in my area as I know some people have had quite awful experiences with family court! Thankfully we live around 2-3 hours away from him and his family so it’s quite easy to be too busy to arrange something…

I certainly wouldn't encourage him taking you back to court, no

@Haretest To be honest it’s probably going to go that way anyway if he ever wants to have contact with DD again. I just don’t want to have to put up with his vile family just out of fear of going through court…