Life’s too short for this isn’t it?

[Kowaii]

Started a new job a few months ago. My manager is a nightmare and I now have serious anxiety pretty much constantly about going in to work. I’m so upset because I really love the job and the company but I don’t think I can cope with this anymore. And job hunting was so soul destroying I don’t know if I can go through that again 🥲

Dont know if I should just man up and get on with it or if I should just quit and find something else.

In what way are they a nightmare? What do they do?

Do you have HR that you could talk to?

I Never know what mood they’re going to be in. When they are in a bad mood about something they are utterly vile. They quite regularly blame all their mistakes on me, I have to sit in my car to eat my lunch because they will just ask me to do work through my lunch break. No HR department and they are married to the CEO so can’t go above them 🙃

It sound a bit grim OP.

It’s easier to find a job when you’re in a job, so think of a pat reason why you want to move on so quickly (not as many hours as you were offered, or something non-personal that makes it their fault) and get applying for other things.

It’s an arse but try not to let it become a massive drama

I'd start looking for a new job whilst I still had one - it will also help to make you feel more in control at work. So if she is nasty you can think "I'll be out of here soon".

Many years ago I worked for a guy who was CEO, we got on well, I was in the warehouse as a picker/packer/deliver and it was all good, he was reasonable, helped with any issues etc. When the company expanded his wife came in and started to look after the order fulfillment (where I was). OMG she was awful. I pretty quickly left because there was no HR dept, the CEO was well aware of what she was like but did nothing for a quiet life. Within 3 months me and 2 others in the warehouse all left and she was picking/packing orders herself! Summary is I don't think that husband/wife teams necessarily work that well for some personalities and it gives you no where to go if there are problems apart from out the door.

Well you have a couple of choices here.

You find a new job.
You suck it up.

Or, every time she is vile to you call it out "when you speak to me like it makes me feel xyz"

Personal I would go with the 3rd option AND start looking for a new job because I absolutely hate bullies.

The old adage is true:

People don't leave bad jobs, they leave bad managers.

I would look for either a lateral move in the same company that allowed me to escape the bad manager, or an external job.

Document the problems with the manager, and inform HR.

Note:

Only inform HR once you have external offers as HR is not your friend. Quite the opposite.

Exit Interview:

Be 100% truthful about the deficiencies the manager has.

Good luck. I have been there myself and its awful.

Keep a diary. Record if you can, especially if insults get personal.

Join a union and consider constructive dismissal if you have enough evidence.

It's unfair you're treated like this. I've been through it myself and it can seriously damage your mental health. Life is too short but I wouldn't just leave without ensuring a replacement won't get treated the same.

Good luck.

I've been through this too. Every day was an endurance test. I would recommend that you man up (or woman up as the case may be), while looking for another job.

Also, look for the positives. I learned how to argue put my case across effectively way better than I'd ever been able to before.

Last ditch, write your letter of resignation without a date on it, and carry it to work every day. I found that this was empowering as I could have submitted it at any moment, but ended up not doing so.

Thats a great idea.

I fantasised about what I would write in my resignation letter, but I never carried it with me to work. I can totally see how it would make you feel better.

I've been in your position before & the sooner you can leave the better for your own wellbeing, no job is worth that amount of stress. How much notice do you have to give? Could you resign straight away & do a temp job until you find something permanent?

My manager was a nightmare but i just kept writing down examples of the appalling way they managed the team, even though i never took it to HR just knowing that i could made me feel a little bit better until i could finally leave on my last day.
Hope things work out for you

Leave before your spirit is completely broken.it won't improve

Thanks all I’m going to start applying for other things and hand in my notice in tonorrow. I’m literally shaking with anxiety a out going in tomorrow. It’s not healthy.

Don't hand your notice in until you have secured a new role. It is so much harder to find a job when you are out of work and have only been in your current role a short time. I speak from experience. If you really can't face going in call in sick and then get signed off for a short period. Don't let this person ruin future chances. Also if you are planning on leaving anyway I would speak with the CEO and say what is bothering you.

I've done this in two jobs. The strange empowerment it gives is unexplainable.

On the 8th you were moaning about this manager but didn't mention she was married to the CEO. No wonder she is more invested in work than she needs to be. I suggest you move on. Try to wait it out while you look somewhere else

I had a manager like this. The atmosphere of the office would be dependent on his moods. On Mondays, he'd be coming down from whatever drug bender he'd been on during the weekend and be an absolute mess, but god forbid the day I needed off to take my son to A&E.

In the end, two of us left in the same week. I didn't have a job lined up, but I signed up to some agencies to get work in the meantime. Life is far too short to be working in an environment like that!

Don’t bother trying to change or work with a toxic manager, all that will happen is your self esteem, confidence and mental health will go downhill. No job is worth your health. You can find another job, you got this one! Just take it step by step. Update your CV over a couple of weeks. Write down loads of examples of things you’ve done in the past. Get someone you respect to look over you CV and examples. Research interview techniques and just practice a couple a day. It doesn’t need to be overwhelming. You can do this!!

I would start looking for another Job immediately

Handed my notice in today. Did not go down well but I feel like I can breathe again!

Well done, I'm sure you'll feel much better for taking that step!

If it's any help, I went through something similar a few months ago and handed in my notice without another job to go to. I registered with some recruitment agencies (where being available at short notice was a bonus), and it wasn't too difficult to find something else. Often potential employers aren't bothered if you are in a job or not; I found that it didn't tend to come up at interviews.

Good luck!