OW - Why do you do it?

[whyisntanelephantblue]

AIBU in asking all the OW out there. Why do you do it?

I've just ended a relationship where I was cheated on and the Other Woman was someone known to me. My lovely neighbour who is seven months pregnant with her third child has just found out her Husband has a whole other family in Cornwall (2 young children, a girlfriend, another car etc) Apparently his OW knew of my friend and is constantly slagging off my neighbour/friend saying atrocious things. Apart from being there for her I dont know what else I can do. I know what I'd like to do, but I dont condone violence

Why do the other women stay in a relationship like this when they know it started on deceit and lies? Like what goes through their heads? Maybe this is me finding closure but come on - What goes through some women's heads?

Why do the other women stay in a relationship like this when they know it started on deceit and lies? Like what goes through their heads?

I can't speak from the OW's point of view but I know that the woman my ex had the affair with and is now living with believed his lies - he is very believable. He was very good at the triangulation - he told me she could be such a good friend to me if I would let her while at the same time making sure I needed to neither trust nor like her. I've no doubt he was working on her in the same manner.

I also know he worked his charm on her and I suspect she was really quite desperate for a 'proper' and stable relationship. I don't think she believes it all started on deceit and lies, or if she will admit that to herself she feels justified.

Good luck to her.

My ex's OW knew exactly who I was. As soon as I found out, she blocked me on SM - nit that I had any intention to contact her. When I asked to see their messages, she told my ex that it contains personal information about her that shes not comfortable sharing. I take it some people are just shit and they are welcome to fuck off together.

I don't know how relationships that begin with one party cheating ever have a good level of trust. Not overlooking the hurt, pain and the practicalities of financial separation/dealing with children...but there's perhaps some satisfaction in knowing that their new relationship will always have a rotten core!

Well, I was the OW once. Truly had zero idea he was married with very young kids etc. It was a situation where we had no life outside of work, no capacity to go to each others places etc, so there were no red flags as there would normally be. Also, it was virtually known for people in my job to be married let alone with children at the time. He only told me as someone who knew him otherwise said they were going to tell me as it had gone past 12 months so at that point they guessed it wasn’t just ‘some fun/a fling’. He didn’t understand why I broke it off when he told me, his words ‘I don’t understand how it changes anything’🤯. He then went on to sleep with other people at work, who now knew he was married (as everyone gossiped after I found out and left him), but it didn’t seem to bother them, however those only lasted a few weeks at most each.

A few years later he begged me to take him back and that he’d leave his wife. I won’t say it wasn’t tempting as I had a great time when with him, but ultimately I’d always have zero trust whenever I wasn’t physically with him, and I didn’t want to live like that.

I am the OW. I don’t consider his relationship my business. I don’t know if what he tells me about his broken marriage is true or not but I don’t consider it my lookout. That’s between him and her. I have my own broken marriage that I cannot leave for financial reasons. I don’t consider my affair a relationship really. I’ve no intention of it becoming permanent. It’s a sideshow. He will not leave her for me and vice versa. Why do I do it? The thrill, the excitement, good sex, diversion, distraction. Do I feel bad? Some times. It is a head fuck and I have to make sure I keep him in a box in my head and not let it spill over into my real life. We see each other every few weeks. I’ve no intention of it becoming anything more but also no intention of stopping.