To leave DH so close to DS starting school?

[HonestToFrog]

Little bit of background.
I have been with my DH for 13 years, married for 5. We’ve got 2 children, 4 and 21 months.
DH has always been a bit controlling but I felt like I could handle it. Until now.

He tracks my phone multiple times a day (I disabled it about a month ago),
He monitors what I spend through the joint account and how much I keep to myself.
He goes through my phone (recently woke me up in the middle of the night to confront me about something I said to my sister via WhatsApp)
He monitors my comings and going’s via the doorbell.
Hes accused me of having an affair with my best friends partner (he never actually comes out and says what he wants to, just insinuates and then leaves you to fill in the blanks)
And just generally treats me poorly.

Yesterday we went out for a meal with friends and then to a local pub just a few one us. I’ve had a headache on and off for days. I took some paracetamol so I said I’d go home. He stayed at the pub with the one male friend. It takes me about 15 minutes to walk home. This time, because I wasn’t feeling great it took me just over 20 minutes. He timed me. And when it got to 15 minutes, he started calling me and texting to ask why it was taking me so long. When I answered the calls he didn’t speak, just wanted to see if I’d actually answer him. He has also accessed the doorbell 6 times to see if I was home. He then said there was a bloke I used to go to school with at the pub who left the same time I did and insinuated that I’d spent time with him. I hadnt spoken to him, nor even noticed he was there.

Ive had enough and I want to leave. But our son is starting school in September and I don’t want to completely upheave his life. But I also can’t stay here for much longer.

Has anyone else left at similar timings?
Or has anyone been through anything similar and regretted it or was it the best thing you’ve ever done?

TIA

It's best that you move now and start your child at a school where he can stay for the first while - or at least the first half year.
If you leave, where would you go for the medium term?
If staying with your parents is likely to be for a year then that would be solid for your child to go to school near there.

You need to escape your husband, I agree.
Sooner rather than later is the ultimate best for your children.

Can you get your parents or a friend to buy you a prepaid phone? Use this to contact Women's Aid and getting your ducks in a row.
I bet he has a key logger on your phone.

It'll only get worse, I promise.

My h does this to me, he does it all day everyday an the accusations and name calling is horrible. Tells my 3yo some sickening stuff about his mummy that he's made up in his head . Been with him 10 years with 4 kids, married 2. Oldest 2 are I'll. he has started hitting me again, broke my nose when I was 6m pregnant for sleeping with someone before I knew/met him!? Controls my money, he now doesn't let me do anything without him unless I'm with family or 1 trusted friend

He went away last month, rang me 10000 times saying I had men in the house, I left the kids at home to go meet a man, he was watching in the doorbell, even sent someone round at one point !!

I'm in contact with safe to speak and they've been absolutely amazing and I'm planning to leave when we find a suitable house as he won't leave our home either and we have no we're to go due to our oldest 2s needs!

Please seek help and leave. It won't get better

Hope your okay, be strong x

Wait till he's at work or out, pack everything you need including passports for yourself and the children. Disable the notifications on the doorbell or just turn it off and then get going to your parents. Your child may struggle with so many changes but he will struggle a whole lot more watching his mother be abused by his father.

Please tell someone in real life what's been going on.

Your son will be fine. You need to leave this man asap. Speaking as a teacher the school can actually be a great support to you so in a way it’s a good time.
Speak to WA this is abuse, you will not be wasting their time.

Being exposed to domestic abuse and coercion and control at this level will be far more damaging for a child than experiencing the upheaval of a relationship breakdown or a move, and ongoing exposure to a relationship like this will have much more lasting consequences.
You’re not being dramatic at all. Please reach out to someone. Start by telling trusted friends and family. As well as woman’s aid you should have a local charity that provide support for victims of domestic abuse so reach out to them for more professional advice and they can typically offer face to face visits. They can help you with identifying the safest exit plan.