Always the host

9 replies

Crankyandco · 20/08/2023 05:11

AIBU! We live in a lovely house in a capital city with our young children. We have hosted friends of ours to stay multiple times over the years. I am a generous host and enjoy having folks to stay but this one particular friend and her DH have stayed with us quite a bit and never host us back (despite many feeble offers which never come to fruition). This friend has now strongly hinted they would like to visit again soon in the coming months. The last time they visited I put a lot of effort and expense into hosting them (and their boisterous children). My friend never put much effort into having us back to theirs despite my attempt to find a common date. In fact we have never stayed at theirs (they live in another city to ours). I have hosted them for overnight visits at least 4 times now. I really love my friend but the one sided hosting is too much and I feel like I am being used as free accommodation for a city break. I don't think I would mind so much if it wasn't so one sided. Am I bring a total pushover?

OP posts:

user1492757084 · 20/08/2023 05:13

Say it doesn't suit - especially if you don't enjoy it.
Be available to catch up for dinner near or at their hotel or to take all kids to the Zoo etc..

HamishTheCamel · 20/08/2023 05:35

They are taking the piss! It's tiring and expensive for you to host them overnight, and you've done it four times without them returning the favour a single time. Say no OP.

Missingmyusername · 20/08/2023 05:39

HamishTheCamel · 20/08/2023 05:35

They are taking the piss! It's tiring and expensive for you to host them overnight, and you've done it four times without them returning the favour a single time. Say no OP.

^ yup. Don’t be a doormat.

GrandHighPoohbah · 20/08/2023 06:06

I would say, "Oh, I think it's our turn to come to you next. Shall we fix a date for that, then we can book in your return visit?".

Goldbar · 20/08/2023 06:14

I'd say "Sorry we can't have people to stay atm, as life is a bit hectic right now" as a polite way of getting out of it.

AcornHaircut · 20/08/2023 06:35

Maybe they feel inferior in comparison to your lovely, tidy home? Maybe you have more room in your home than them?
If I were them I would offer to pay your room in a nice hotel and explain I didn't have the room. In fact, if I were them I would decline staying at yours because I know the expectation is that I should host back, too and if I couldn't or wouldn't then I'd better not enter into this arrangement from the start however, I know people who think nothing of this or who make it very difficult when you say you'll be staying at a hotel instead they take it so personally and push endlessly 'don;t be so silly and waste your money!, come we have plenty of room!' they make it hard to say no.

I think if you like her and this is her only fault I would overlook it. Relationships aren't 50-50 split down the middle of everything. She might be more giving in other ways or areas... I wouldn't cancel a friend for it because friendships are not easy to find.

BMW6 · 20/08/2023 07:44

Why not tell the truth?

"TBH I'm getting fed up of being the host. Isn't it your turn as we've hosted you 4 times?"

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 20/08/2023 07:50

I'd honest with them

'Hi X, tbh hosting is pretty full on, so how about we both book a hotel somewhere and have a weekend away' or 'hi X, how about we come to you instead, we'd love to see your home/landmark/tourist thing near you'

Autieangel · 20/08/2023 08:09

I would say "you have been to ours loads, surely it's our turn to come to you? Does X date suit?" And see what reply you get.

Flip