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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I too harsh? Another parking one

29 replies

SecretYellow · 20/08/2023 03:56

It’s a bit hard to describe, but my house and my neighbour’s is accessed by a narrow single, 100m track with a space to turn at the bottom. I have two parking spaces, one before the turning space and one to the side of the turning space. The neighbours have one space at the bottom of the turning space. The whole track is on my deeds. It’s all tight, tricky access and very difficult to reverse out of as there’s a tight, sharp turn at the top making the turning space essential.

I never had any issues with the parking since moving there several years ago as everyone was very reasonable about moving for each other etc. Sadly the H died earlier this year, and the W now lives alone. Their daughter visits daily and 4/5 times will park in the turning circle, blocking me in and out. I offered her use of my top parking space after the first couple of times plus she has her mum’s space but she still parks in the turning circle. She always moves it if I ask but I really resent having to ask to leave my own house. It seems really obvious to me that the turning circle should never be blocked and I am careful to be considerate about access.

Today I snapped when I’d returned home from the emergency vet with my poorly dog and a massive bill to find she’d again parked in the turning space. I texted saying I thought it was unacceptable and listing the places she should park in future. Now I’ve calmed down, I worry I was a bit harsh and should have just said ‘can you please not block access’. Not sure if I should apologise? I really don’t want an argument with them - I like them as people, just really fed up being blocked in/out! WIBU?

OP posts:
HerAvatar · 20/08/2023 03:59

No you weren't too harsh OP, the daughter can't possibly have not realised she was inconveniencing you and should have stopped a long time ago and without you having to tell her. Sorry to hear about your dog Flowers

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 20/08/2023 04:01

No, she shouldn’t park there and hopefully this stops her.

calmcoco · 20/08/2023 04:01

YANBU to be clear. I asse you only discussed the parking and didn't say anything personally rude.

Have you been to speak to your NDN about this? I think you might want to have a proper conversation and ask the NDN to tell the daughter to stop blocking access.

Also, if the daughter parks in the turning head when you are out, I'd block them in so they are inconvenienced.

calmcoco · 20/08/2023 04:02

Asse = assume

Vault687 · 20/08/2023 04:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Conkersinautumn · 20/08/2023 04:34

It's totally unreasonable for the access to be blocked but I'm curious as to why you're not turning round on coming back to the space so you're not needing to turn at the start of your journey. A diagram may help me out here.

Original poster
SecretYellow · 20/08/2023 04:57

Thanks @HerAvatar. DDog is ok thankfully.

@calmcoco, I’m trying not to involve NDN as she’s not very well and has just lost her H. I feel bad for the daughter as well as she’s recently bereaved. I’ve tried to be a good neighbour and have offered to help out if she can’t get there in bad weather etc.

@Conkersinautumn, Here’s a very rough diagram, not to scale. The green boxes are my spaces, the red is NDN’s (she doesn’t drive or have a car so the space is always empty). The red x is my front door. I prefer to park in the bottom right space and drive in forward to be able to reverse out, that way, my boot is accessible abd it’s a shorter distance to the house. If I park in the top spot, I always turn then reverse in unless neighbour’s daughter is in the turning circle, then I have to pull in forward and hope I can turn again when I need to leave.

Was I too harsh? Another parking one
OP posts:
panko · 20/08/2023 05:03

That's ridiculous- why is she parking there when there's a space to use! I think you're OK OP, she shouldn't keep doing it and you're allowed to get stressed out too.

SinnerBoy · 20/08/2023 05:33

You're definitely not being unreasonable, you've asked her several times not to park where she does and explained that she's blocking you. She's rude, selfish and ignorant and only has herself to blame that you've finally reached the end pf your tether and given her what for.

Don't worry, she's wrong, wrong wrong and has no grounds to complain.

FrogTaped · 20/08/2023 05:44

You've tried being nice, asked repeatedly, and she is ignoring you.

Unfortunately with some people you just have to be assertive and more direct!

GrandHighPoohbah · 20/08/2023 05:54

You were absolutely right to snap at her. There is a designated space she can use but she can't be bothered to do so. I suspect she's telling herself it isn't a problem but it really is. Stop being nice, tell her that the only place she should be parking is in the space for her mum's house. That's not a difficult thing for her to do, it just requires a tiny bit more effort than where she is parking at the moment.

Sameold23 · 20/08/2023 06:03

Your diagram clearly shows she's in the wrong. She has 2 spaces she can use- her mums and yours. She's really rude.

WonderingWanda · 20/08/2023 06:09

I suspect she is just one of those inconsiderate people who doesn't care op. If she parks in your turning circle again then I would suggest blocking her in and ignoring her when she knocks on the door. I had a visitor to my neighbour who kept blocking me in or blocking my drive. I started parking behind him and then telling him he would have to wait 30 mins for me to move. He soon stopped.

Paq · 20/08/2023 06:17

Excellent diagram OP.

You asked her nicely, she ignored you. You are not being unreasonable.

Hope your dog is feeling better 💐

EVHead · 20/08/2023 06:29

YANBU! She has her mum’s space and you’ve been kind enough to offer her one of yours.

To call her out was 100% the right thing to do.

FrogTaped · 20/08/2023 06:32

WonderingWanda · 20/08/2023 06:09

I suspect she is just one of those inconsiderate people who doesn't care op. If she parks in your turning circle again then I would suggest blocking her in and ignoring her when she knocks on the door. I had a visitor to my neighbour who kept blocking me in or blocking my drive. I started parking behind him and then telling him he would have to wait 30 mins for me to move. He soon stopped.

Love this!

Original poster
SecretYellow · 20/08/2023 10:33

Thanks everyone. I find it really difficult being assertive and couldn’t sleep last night thinking I might have started a feud. I really don’t like conflict. I keep rereading my text and thinking maybe it’s a bit too snippy and I should have calmed down before composing it.

She hasn’t replied, but then she never does. She sometimes apologises when she comes out to move her car and says she can’t get on her mum’s space, which granted, is a little tricky but definitely not impossible and I’d be able to do it. It’s been months now so she’s had enough time to practice or just use my space which she sometimes does but often not. I just don’t understand her logic! If I ever have to block the space (unloading heavy items for example) I will move my car as soon as I’m done but she just dumps hers at the bottom for however long she’s visiting or until I ask her to move it.

Was I too harsh? Another parking one
OP posts:
Aprilx · 20/08/2023 10:44

Your message is absolutely fine and warranted.

Chasingsquirrels · 20/08/2023 10:48

That's not snippy at all

Blueey · 20/08/2023 10:50

Your message is honestly completely fine

Womencanlift · 20/08/2023 10:52

That’s not snippy at all. If anything it’s not assertive enough if it’s an on going thing

If it continues after that message then the next one needs to be short and to the point so no how are you and no x at the end. Sounds like she knows exactly what an inconvenience she is being if it keeps happening

Hummingbird89 · 20/08/2023 10:52

Your message is very calm and measured, you’ve been much more reasonable than she deserves! Silly cow.

Conkersinautumn · 20/08/2023 10:54

Love the diagram. It is blatantly selfish behaviour, even pinching your space for visits would be less selfish!

IClaudine · 20/08/2023 10:54

That is the least harsh "harsh message" I have ever read! Don't worry OP, you have been perfectly polite.

NoSquirrels · 20/08/2023 10:57

Your message is fine. If she’s no good at parking then presumably she still won’t be able to park on her mum’s drive. Where did she park before her dad died?

Part of the issue is obviously that she can’t do the manoeuvre onto her mum’s drive. Part is that her mum can’t walk far. But part of it could be that she also doesn’t want to reverse into that top parking space? Could you try to understand from her why she won’t use the top one? Would offering her the choice of either parking space if you’re not in be an option for you? (I know you shouldn’t have to and you want the space closest to your house but better than being constantly blocked?)

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