So you know you have issues, and those issues cause you to behave in certain unhealthy and potentially harmful ways. You know you have triggers for this behaviour, and you know what they are. You have self awareness, a huge amount of knowledge and understanding about the effects of trauma and the underlying reasons, you have insight.... And yet. Every time your partner/child/colleague/friend unwittingly hits you in the feels, you start behaving in the same old dysfunctional ways. Like a train you can't get off, you're COMPELLED to say and do the things that you know in your heart will only make it worse. You have the same arguments over and over, bad situations escalate in the same old way and you respond to the escalation the same old counterproductive way, and then you lie in bed later wanting to punch yourself for allowing the same horrible shit to take over AGAIN.
Lets assume for the sake of argument you have already done counselling and have neither the time nor the money to do any more.
In the moment, how do you STOP - how do you identify "this is a trigger, I am being triggered, these feelings are real but they are not facts" and stop yourself from entering into the cycle of dysfunctional behaviour? I'll take any tip no matter how mundane or how radical.