To be annoyed at throwing money at it

8 replies

Unic0rn · 19/08/2023 19:42

My DH always spends unnecessary amounts of money when he has alone time with our DD.

I will look into cheap or free things and my DD and I have a great time. For instance, we will go to the local museum who put on craft mornings for £2 or go to the park with a picnic or the library for rhyme time etc. My DH on the other hand does zero research and then on the day he is with her, for example if I am out, he will take her bowling and a meal or to the shops and pub where, inevitably, he spends quite a bit of money.

We aren’t on the bread line but money is tight. AIBU to think if I can be careful with money and still make sure she has a good time then he should to?

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/08/2023 19:44

Not to be that person, but have you spoken to him about it? Would he be okay if you spent the same amounts he does? Are you missing out on other things as a family because he splashes out on things with her?

Original poster

Unic0rn · 19/08/2023 19:54

I have spoken to him and he doesn’t see any problem in spending the money. Not sure he’d care if I did too but that’s not my point here.

I don’t want to spend lots of money on days out all the time. Of course sometimes I treat her to a day out at a farm or something but that’s not a regular thing. We aren’t rolling in money and I see it as a waste and a lack of effort and imagination which is frustrating. If I can do this why can’t he? I’d rather save some of that money and have a lovely family holiday next year.

He has little financial sense and doesn’t seem to understand. He’s live for today. A great was to be, but if one of us doesn’t keep a hold of reality then we would have nothing.

OP posts:

Woodstocks · 19/08/2023 20:29

It would annoy me too. What’s wrong with going to the park or baking at home or play dates etc? Everything is so extortionate these days and I wouldn’t be spending out every time I have a day off. The other day we looked at a water park and it was £20 per ticket and the sessions were like an hour long! And it’s never just one ticket of course if parents go or sibling a etc so an hour at a water park including driving there and the inevitable snack will cost £100 ! There just isn’t the justification to spend that kind of money on a regular day off.

Do you budget for things so could you set a “leisure” budget and once that money is gone it’s just gone?

zurala · 19/08/2023 20:32

I agree with setting an overall budget, and also having a list of things you can do with her and their costs next to it, so he easily see his options.

category12 · 19/08/2023 20:41

Well, I think it's a bit controlling to try to dictate how he spends time with dd.

Attitudes to money can be a big issue between couples: I'm not sure you can change his ways. I can see it's frustrating, but is it worth fighting over him having a good time with your child?

Oysterbabe · 19/08/2023 20:45

You have different ideas on how money should be spent and need to reach a compromise. Free shit is all well and good but my kids would choose the cinema or zoo all day long.

Woodstocks · 19/08/2023 20:51

Oysterbabe · 19/08/2023 20:45

You have different ideas on how money should be spent and need to reach a compromise. Free shit is all well and good but my kids would choose the cinema or zoo all day long.

It’s not really about “what the child would choose” though is it? I’m sure they would choose branded foods and meals out every day too, who wouldn’t? But it’s about the reality of a cost of living crisis and everything going up and the mindless spending that isn’t really necessary and the money could be utilised in other areas rather than weaning the kid into expecting expensive days out all the time.

plumtreebroke · 19/08/2023 20:55

You've done the cheap things if he wants to do something different it's going to cost more. But it evens out, why not spoil her a bit?

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