Re DS1 new job

[cantdealwiththenegativityanymore]

Apologies in advance, this could get long.

DS1 graduated this year with a 2:1 honours degree in his subject. He's been applying for graduate trainee roles in Glasgow & Edinburgh but so far unsuccessful and as time is marching on available graduate roles are drying up. The sector he's truly interested in (banking/investments etc) would be best served by moving to London but he's decided he's not up for that and instead has widened his scope to other roles (mainly accounting) in Central Scotland but still hasn't managed to secure a proper "traineeship".

He has however been offered a full time position doing something else. Not sure there's much of a "career" in it per se but it's full time work and he could continue to apply for junior accountancy roles in the meantime plus start applying for next years graduate intakes.

He currently works part time for a well known food takeaway outlet but finds the mgt there incredibly immature and ineffective and is desperate to leave.

On to my AIBU - DH thinks the full time job offer is a dead end and a waste of time. He says "cleaners for ScotRail earn more than ds1 is being offered" and is being really arsey with me about it. So far only to me, he just found out today, I've been sitting on the news since Thursday because I knew he would react like this.

DS1 is kinda excited to have finally received a job offer even though it's not a proper graduate programme and I really don't want to shit on his parade. I personally think "what's the harm? If he hates it he'll keep looking and within 6 months he'll realise it's too easy and he needs more challenge" no harm done etc.

For info, the job pays £24.5k, which seems pretty standard to me for a 22 year old graduate in Scotland just starting out.

So AIBU for supporting DS1 in taking this job offer? Or is DH for being arsey about it and thinking it's a "dead end iob" (which it might well be ngl)

For context, DH's career had been mired in drama and controversy. He left a well paying profession and took a job that requires no qualifications or experience (basic salary around £26/27k) because he found it too stressful. He makes up for the low ish basic salary by doing lots of overtime. I am in a professional career that pays reasonably well and am the higher earner between us.

Yanbu, your dh is. If your son wants to do it that's his choice, he's 22 not 15. As you said he can still keep applying for what he wants but be earning in the meantime.

Slightly off topic but if he is interested in accounting has he applied for Azets’ grad scheme? They are still advertising for their Perth office or is that too far from you?

But on topic that seems a fine starting job/salary! Accounting grads start on around £28k in London for a top 10 firm (but not Big Four). If DS is excited I would support him too. Horrible for your DH to take the wind out of his sails IMO!

It’s always a good thing to see a young man making an effort to start his career, even if it’s not exactly in the sphere he wants. It shows that he’s proactive and willing to try.

If it’s a dead end job, he’ll soon know, but he’ll have had some experience and it will get him out of the student fast food minimum wage job. It sounds as though your DH really hasn't got a leg to stand on, based on his employment history and DS should be congratulated in broadening his horizons. It doesn’t sound like a bad starting wage either.

It’s your sons choice. I would say take it and keep looking for the opportunity he really wants. I’m assuming it would have more transferable skills to put on a CV than his current job gives him?

Has he tried contacting company’s even if they don’t have an advertised vacant? Or ask for unpaid experience that he could build on?

Lots of graduates don't walk straight into graduate jobs, better that he takes the gym time one, who knows what other opportunities they might have, it also gives him more CV experience than continuing his part time takeaway job (I'm not knocking this, when I recruit graduates any that have held down that kind of job, to me it reflects on work ethic and resilience) . Is your DH worried that in no time his son will out earn him and maybe prove himself to be more capable in the workplace?
Given your DHs patchy employment history I don't think he's in a position to judge.
Well done to your son and good luck to him

He really should rethink the London thing. we are Scottish but my DDs both secured jobs in London post uni. One is still there and the other lives and works in Yorkshire now. The London jobs offered them great opportunities they could not have got in Scotland.

Any job is better than none. It will help him to build on his skills and experience and employers are going to want someone who has been gainfully employed rather than someone who is waiting for the right job to come along. He should be able to demonstrate that he can work in a team, communicate well and complete tasks efficiently, plus a whole range of other skills. I would say go for the job on offer as a starting point.

It's entirely your son's decision.

Thanks for responses so far 😊

I agree, London would offer so many more opportunities, and grad ops in Scotland are incredibly competitive to secure. But, he's a young gay man who only really "found his tribe" in the last 2 years post covid, and I'm sure this is heavily influencing his decision not to move away. When he started uni he used to say he'd move elsewhere in a heartbeat, but this has changed now that he has a really strong group of friends and ultimately that's up to him.

DH thinks he should be applying for jobs in London (even tho he went to London straight from uni and absolutely hated it, flunked out of his traineeship and moved back to Scotland 🙄). He will also say (in the same breath ironically) that he doesn't want DS1 to "make the same mistakes he did" 🧐 even tho that is exactly what he's encouraging him to do.....

He hasn't no, it's mainly non audity type accountancy roles he's been applying for tbh + Perth would be a bit of a trek for him. Ironically Azets are currently doing the audit of accounts where I work 😂

YANBU at all.

I too would encourage your ds to take it.
As you say - it doesn't mean he is there for life.

Your dh - particularly given all the history you've shared - is being ridiculous.

I literally can't see any reason why DS shouldn't take the job.

It's not as if he's choosing between his ideal job and the one he's been offered because he hasn't been offered the ideal job. He's choosing between carrying on working in McDonalds (or wherever it is) and what sounds like a pretty good first job which will doubtless give him a lot of good experience for wherever he wants to progress to. Hardly anyone gets their dream job straight out of uni - he can still carry on applying to graduate schemes, or even wait a few years and then rethink going to London - so many people have gap years/career breaks/retrain that he'll hardly be over the hill if he doesn't get into his preferred sector until 25, plus after a few years of work he'll have the benefit of good experience to provide answers to in applications and interviews.

Your DH's attitude makes no sense. Firstly I highly doubt cleaners make anywhere near £24.5k
also how can he possibly say the wage is too low when it's barely £1.5k lower than he himself earns, when as you say DS is a graduate in a first job and he's been working for decades?
Sounds like he's jealous of DS and trying to piss on his chips.

I don’t think the salary is that bad, but I would be more concerned if there is no real opportunity to progress and that he might end up getting stuck in a dead end job. He might be better off continuing with the graduate job hunt for a bit longer and yes including London.

It isn’t very kind of you to keep disparaging your husband, what he has done is not the point and you don’t need to confuse the two matters.

That sounds like a pretty standard grad salary outside of London? DD’s friend has a regional grad scheme place with one of the big 4 in Scotland and will be on £27k. DD’s boyfriend is on an audit grad scheme with a top 10 firm in London and will be on £31k.

I guess I just feel like dh is being really hypocritical. He's spent years telling the kids to "study something you enjoy" "it's not about the money" "find a career in something you like" but now he's like pissing all over ds1's choices because he expects him to be able to get into a high flying grad scheme straight off the bat. He actually said "even I managed to get on a grad scheme out of uni" 🙄

When my ds finished university: same type of subject area it was September before he got a grad programme after being in the final round for a few. It was very disheartening but eventually the one he got turned out to be a great opportunity especially when Covid came and they were deemed an essential business and his job continued as usual. Ds should take the job offer but continue to seek a grad programme. Even being in a job will make him more relaxed at interviews etc and hopefully he will get one eventually. All work experience is valuable. Is there any online course he could do alongside to add to his CV?
Think your dh is so mean to be putting him down as its a very vulnerable time for them and getting rejected is a tough hit at that age. I hope he goes from strength to strength.

Totally fine. I bounced around agency roles broadly in my chosen field for about 3 years until I found what I actually wanted to do.

I don’t really see why it’s anything of your or DH business, but DS should definitely take the job. I never did a graduate scheme and I’ve had a very successful career so far

It's your son's decision and your husband should keep his beak out.

He should definitely take the job.

Certainly at our place (big Edinburgh financial sector) grad schemes are much less of a thing than they used to be and they are more focused on apprenticeships from school. Plus due to the way the company has expanded it would be unusual for all the placements to be in the central Scotland belt.

It's odd that his DF is being so negative about it all. Is he comfortable with his sexuality and DS continuing to live at home ?

I’d end up snapping at him about that.

Not only has the world changed a lot since he was at Uni but he hated his grad job ffs.

I’d be slightly concerned he’s expecting your DS to have the career he thought he’d have. A lot of parents, especially dads in my experience, are guilty of trying to fix their mistakes with their kids lives. Very common in sports but also in other areas

To be fair, I graduated with a 2:1 and never managed to get onto a graduate programme. Its incredibly difficult and competitive getting on to a graduate programme, especially in accounting/finance/banking/law. Your dh is being super unreasonable. Your son is only 22, to build up his experience he should just get whatever job is being offered now- he can still look and apply elsewhere. By the time he gets the job of his dreams, he'd have gained transferable skills! And 24.5k is amazing for a graduate! Most of us graduates start off with minimum wage jobs.