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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about my nearly 17 year old being driven 40 minutes away on A road by friend

64 replies

rhinobaby · 19/08/2023 16:34

When do you allow your teens to be driven by their friends who have just passed their driving tests?
Friend is 17, just passed (first time to be fair)
Car accident biggest cause of death in this age group, risks higher with bunch of mates in the car.
what did you do?

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 19/08/2023 17:42

I remember those years well. Utterly terrified when they went out in a car.

There is no easy way to answer this. Theybwill get in young inexperienced drivers cars fact. You will worry shitless fact.

Absolutely nothing you can do about it in reality

metalmaude · 19/08/2023 17:42

VitaminNinja · 19/08/2023 17:40

This seems a bit dramatic. If it was that much of a danger they’d have failed their test.

Show quote history

I am not being dramatic, I am telling you what happened in my tutor group. And it is not true that passing your test is proof you are a safe driver, is it, otherwise thousands of people wouldn't be killed every year by people with driving licences.

Maddy70 · 19/08/2023 17:44

Offer to drive them both ...

ssd · 19/08/2023 17:48

Somewhere along the lines you need to trust your child that they will know which friends will be mad reckless drivers and which friends will be careful. By 17 they will know.

Original poster
rhinobaby · 19/08/2023 17:49

That is a fascinating AA map linked to the article. My local roads are deemed low or low medium risk but seeing all those accident spots is a little concerning!

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 19/08/2023 17:54

I hated them going in car with their friends at that age but it is a rite of passage and I would never have let them know. Two of mine were driving at 17 and ferrying their friends. One hopes one has instilled in them not to drive or get in a car with someone who has been drinking or taking drugs.

Therealweld · 19/08/2023 17:56

If you have other options, use those.

Novice drivers carrying passengers are high risk.

Its not just the driver, its the other road users.

MorrisZapp · 19/08/2023 18:01

Hell no. It's too risky.

Original poster
rhinobaby · 19/08/2023 18:14

I have offered to drive them both. But the new driver wants to drive himself (and obviously it’s way too embarrassing for me to contact his parent to discuss !)

After a chat and I think (hope) my son will accept me driving him only and meet friend there.

I don’t know if I would feel better about it if my son could drive or had started learning himself, he has his birthday later this month.

My friend had a deer leap out into her car in daylight one Sunday morning and she nearly took out a group of cyclists when swerving, another hazard round this area!

OP posts:
metalmaude · 19/08/2023 18:17

ssd · 19/08/2023 17:48

Somewhere along the lines you need to trust your child that they will know which friends will be mad reckless drivers and which friends will be careful. By 17 they will know.

clearly by 17 young people DON'T know, hence the massive death toll.

Why do people keep theorising and fantasising in the face of cold hard numbers? It is people have been told so often that their opinion counts that they feel they can opinion away actual reality.

wheresthesungone · 19/08/2023 18:28

Manor concern of mine.
My boyfriend (at the time) died crashing his car at 17.
My neighbours son died in a car crash at 17.
My sisters friend died in a crash at 17.
The list goes on, I know so many who have died at 17 in car and motorbike crashes. Maybe I've been cursed but for that reason alone my 17 year old is doing her driving lessons but we've said we'll only help out with a car when we think she's ready.
I think driving takes a certain level of maturity and empathy which is what most 17 year olds lack.

wheresthesungone · 19/08/2023 18:30

VitaminNinja · 19/08/2023 16:38

You’re being overprotective. I passed and my friend’s mum wouldn’t let her in the car with me to drive one mile. 1) 17, it’s not your choice and 2) how do you know bus drivers and taxi drivers are going to be any safer?

If they have passed they are going to be driving as safely as anyone else, arguably more safely at first

Sorry but I disagree. Most of the learning comes after you pass your test. Just because you've passed doesn't mean you have all the skills to be safe. As I've already commented, I know several who've died at 17 in car and motorbike accidents.

stolenstoat · 19/08/2023 18:40

metalmaude · 19/08/2023 17:42

I am not being dramatic, I am telling you what happened in my tutor group. And it is not true that passing your test is proof you are a safe driver, is it, otherwise thousands of people wouldn't be killed every year by people with driving licences.

Show quote history

I totally agree with you. VitaminNinga - do you have any clue about the dangers of inexperienced teenagers driving each other around?

continentallentil · 19/08/2023 18:43

I grew up in the country, we were all driving each other at the stroke of 17

I think you just have to remind her about not getting in a car with someone who is drunk, high or exhausted. Not much else you can do - they have to grow up..

superking · 19/08/2023 18:51

My mum wouldn't allow me to be a passenger in any of my friend's cars until I was 18 (it was mainly friends' older siblings in reality). She was pretty relaxed about other stuff but this was her red line. A couple of years later one of my younger sister's friends crashed and killed his 17 year old passenger - devastating for her family - and he was convicted of causing death by dangerous driving and served a prison sentence. My DCs are too young for this to be an issue for me yet but I plan to follow my mum's lead on this one.

ElEmEnOhPee · 19/08/2023 18:54

I wouldn't allow it. My step brother died on his 16th birthday being driven by a 17yr old driver and I know of way too many other teens who have died locally in car crashes, not worth the risk imo.

Oysterbabe · 19/08/2023 18:56

I don't think you can stop it, but I'll be terrified when my reach this age. 3 of my school friends were killed in 2 separate car crashes in their teens.

Mountainpika · 19/08/2023 18:56

When our older son was learning to drive, he had lessons but also drove with his dad. We made a point of having one of his friends in the back on some of these outings so he got used to it and didn't feel the need to show off when he passed his test. Once he did, it was useful to have another driver to ferry his younger brother around. And in a couple of years it'll be his daughter learning.

Mariposista · 19/08/2023 19:04

Would entirely depend who the mate is. His very sensible friend from rugby who I have known for 10 years, lovely parents, great kid, no problem. One of the notorious silly boys from school who likes a few to drink and shows off - less so.

millymollymoomoo · 19/08/2023 19:04

I dunno op but im
shortly going to be in this situation and it bloody terrifies me !!

KatieB55 · 19/08/2023 19:09

There were a lot of serious accidents with teens in rural south west where we lived. Driving instructor recommended no passengers for 3 months after passing test.

Hoooodoyouthink · 19/08/2023 19:11

Not in England, you are not even elidable to apply - if you get special permission to go before 18 you need to take a parent with you

That's not correct. You have to get permission from parents but they definitely don't have to go with you. I know a couple of kids who skipped a year of school and went to uni at 17.

metalmaude · 19/08/2023 19:20

Hoooodoyouthink · 19/08/2023 19:11

Not in England, you are not even elidable to apply - if you get special permission to go before 18 you need to take a parent with you

That's not correct. You have to get permission from parents but they definitely don't have to go with you. I know a couple of kids who skipped a year of school and went to uni at 17.

well, where did they live? If they were living with a guardian it is sometimes allowed, but no way can they go into halls, or join in normal student activities, etc, No point at all, really.

nutbrownhare15 · 19/08/2023 19:26

There were so many deaths in that age group when I was at school and I still read about them frequently. I'd be having a proper chat with your child and looking at the stats together.

DaddyPigMustDie · 19/08/2023 19:34

You went to uni at 17?

My DH went at 16...!

I think you're right to be concerned OP. I was a terrible driver at that age, cocky and arrogant and a complete dick basically. Thought I was invincible. Wrote off 2 cars before I was 20, and one of my friends died at 19 in a crash with a lorry. I'll be far stricter with my children about driving. I'm a very careful driver now!