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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Trivial but I’m so cross!

16 replies

Ragingbull1 · 18/08/2023 21:12

DH went out tonight. They went out really early and he got a lift there with a friend.

It’s Friday night and I really fancied some wine, I’ve not had a drink all week and been working super hard, but I said I’d pick him up to save him waiting around on taxis.

Twice before he left, I said to him that if he wasn’t going to need a lift, could he PLEASE let me know, so that I could get my jammies on and have some wine. He promised he would.

Yes, you’ve guessed it, he didn’t bother. Got a lift home with someone and the first I know if it is when he comes through the door. I’m sitting there with my clothes on and a glass of water.

I know it’s probably trivial, but I’m so cross. It would have taken two seconds to text me from the restaurant and tell me I’m stood down from being his taxi.

He wants to carry on the night, but I’m not going to start drinking at 830pm when I’m up at the crack of dawn tomorrow for work. If he’d let me know at 630pm it would be a different story.

I know it’s a small thing but I feel like there’s been zero consideration for me.

OP posts:
RonniePickering · 18/08/2023 21:13

I’d be pissed off too 🍷

FrogTaped · 18/08/2023 21:15

If my DH did that, I'd tell him he can get a taxi next time!

Enjoy a nice glass or two tomorrow.

3rdtimemumma · 18/08/2023 21:22

Ahh I'd sleep on this and just calmly mention it tomorrow. I wouldn't say anything now, he's been drinking and it's likely to become a bigger thing. I think it's pretty minor, unless it's recurrent. You can even laugh about the fact it's pretty minor and annoyed you a bit more than it should have because of your crappy week, but can he just let you know next time so you can relax knowing its wine time. :-)

Original poster
Ragingbull1 · 18/08/2023 21:26

Thanks guys. I was SO looking forward to a glass or three! I’ve had to come up to bed, I just can’t sit down there. Sitting in my bloody clothes with a glass of water because he forgot to text me. Aargh.

OP posts:
panko · 18/08/2023 21:28

Next time he asks you say OK then drink your wine...oops forgot to tell him and now you can't pick him up

3rdtimemumma · 18/08/2023 21:29

Also, suspect he didn't know he'd be offered a lift until he was about to ring you. I've had that kind of thing happen before. So just hear him out here. And maybe if you need to relax next time, say is it okay if he gets a taxi so you can properly chill out.

CremeEggThief · 18/08/2023 21:30

YANBU but I think you should have just the one 🍷!

Original poster
Ragingbull1 · 18/08/2023 21:33

I’ve come up to bed. He will be sitting there for a few hours now scoffing wine, as he has a lie in tomorrow. But I have to get up at 630am. If I start drinking now I’ll be up till midnight and feel terrible tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll be a bit miffed as he lined up our favourite shows, but I’m buggered if I’m going to sit there watching him drink when I can’t.

OP posts:
3rdtimemumma · 18/08/2023 21:35

panko · 18/08/2023 21:28

Next time he asks you say OK then drink your wine...oops forgot to tell him and now you can't pick him up

This sort of response just seems so passive-aggressive and likely to cause a tit-for-tat escalation for a pretty minor thing. I'd be very careful not to do this sort of thing as it's likely to cause long-term relationship distancing/ breakdown. Be more calm and straight-forward.

NeedTheSeaside · 18/08/2023 21:46

@Ragingbull1 GIT. My Ex used to do that kind of thing regularly. Absolutely no consideration & coukd never understan (🙄🙄) why it pissed me off.

it's just do thoughtless. Don't be quiet in the morning, consideration is a 2 way street!!

ManchesterLu · 18/08/2023 21:55

To be honest, unless finances are a huge issue and a taxi would bankrupt you, I'd have told him to get a taxi from the start. If you want a chill night in PJs and wine while he's out having a good time, why shouldn't you?

I've been out with people in the past who seemed to struggle to understand that I continued to have a life when they weren't there. I wasn't just an appliance with an off switch for when I'm out of sight. You shouldn't just have to sit there all night waiting to be summoned.

Original poster
Ragingbull1 · 18/08/2023 21:55

Oh I’ve told him why I’m pissed off! Lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ragingbull1 · 18/08/2023 21:57

I really didn’t mind picking him up. It’s just not telling me that he’s got a lift so I can stand down that’s annoyed me. Especially when it was the last thing I asked him as he left.

OP posts:
RedDedRedemption · 18/08/2023 22:00

How far away was the restaurant OP?
If it's only 8:30 and you don't want to drink because you have an early start, I doubt that texting you at 815 would've made a difference

OnGoldenPond · 19/08/2023 14:32

Yep YANBU he's a big boy he can get himself home from his night out.

Tilllly · 19/08/2023 14:49

DH did this to me once

Now he sorts out his own lift 🤣

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