The fence problem

[hoggu]

We live in a terraced house with a small garden in SE London. A family moved in next door with several young children. The children spend a lot of time in the garden which is no problem at all and we started having the occasional ball come in to the garden which was also no problem for us. We'd just throw the balls back when they came over.

The situation has developed over time. One of the children has SEN and he's developed an obsession with throwing things in to our garden both when we are in the garden and when we aren't. Not just the occasional ball either. Turned from maybe one ball per week in to 15+ items per day such as plastic pieces from toys, rocks, garden tools (rakes etc), trampoline springs, metal poles etc.

We had a new fence put up to the maximum height we were permitted. The parents welcomed this however the situation didn't change at all. The child in question constantly climbs on to the top of the fence & sits there to throw things in to the garden.

We put up some chicken wire on our side of the fence stapled to the fence & some posts on our side giving us an extra 120cm of protection however this has proved useless. He still manages to throw the same kind of items over. This morning he climbed on to the top of the fence, ripped the wire from where it was stapled to the top of the fence on our side and climbed over in to our garden (he had climbed back over by the time I was going out there).

We don't use the garden as we would like to because of this as we can't be out there when he's there, we're also having trouble growing things because they are getting squashed by the debris.

Neighbours on the other side of them have the same problem. Unfortunately this escalated in to a fight on the street between the dads

I don't want to escalate things with the parents because I understand they're up against it but what can we do here?

Anti burglar paint.
Stop returning items immediately..
SEN or not the dps need to manage their dc. An accident in the making and bet it will be your fault

I think you need to have a conversation with the parents for the child's safety as well as your own. Can they lock any garden tools away so that he can't have access to them?

Also what about those things you can put on the top to stop cats...

@3dogsandarabbit, we did have a friendly conversation about this in relation to a previous climbing over incident and it was noted that it wouldn't happen again but it hasn't helped

Well then you need to speak to them again and ask them what they are doing to stop it happening again. What happens if he throws a rock over and it hits you or one of children. This is serious and needs to be stopped.

I don't want to escalate things with the parents because I understand they're up against it but what can we do here?

I appreciate what you are trying to do but it's become such a problem they need to supervise him more when he's in their garden. Throwing rakes etc over a high fence could kill you. You could lose an eye. This is very very serious and I would get a camera set up to monitor exactly what is happening. Then I would go to the police and the local council to get their involvement especially since you are aware of the father getting into fights about it. Don't ignore.

I would record on camera (making sure I only filmed my property) and make a dossier of items thrown over and dates.

I would then provide it to the council and police. If as much stuff is being thrown over as you imply, then I would expect a response in pretty short order.

I think SEN children and their parents deserve some compassion, but there are limits to how far this can go. Letting an unsupervised child loose in the garden to throw whatever they can get their hands on over a fence isn't acceptable.

https://protectapet.com/products/protectapet-cat-fence-standard-bracket?variant=37755996012721&currency=GBP&utmmedium=producttsync&utmsource=google&utmmcontent=sagorganic&utmmcampaign=sagorganic&gclid=Cj0KCQjwrfymBhCTARIsADXTabmewHIvYMBIzz2IMKme0i-yabTJMlPVN8aD9MSwW4YgqzlWGFs5XJEaAnjyEALwwwcB

Would something like this that's angled forwards so it's harder to throw stuff over do the job?

Their parents need to be out there supervising all the time to break the habit
Throwing anything by a child with or without SN is not acceptable behaviour

Why did it deteriorate into a fight in the street?! What on earth led to that?

As for your issues, return all the junk. In bulk. Once a week. Every single time he's on the fence, knock their door and ask them to remove him. Ask them to lock the back door or be out there with him.

I'd also be considering a Social Servicesreport because they can't possibly be supervising him adequately if he's clambering on top of a 6ft fence every day. I'm sure it's exhausting for his parents, but they can't let him behave like this, let alone with the damage being caused to the fence and now jumping into your garden. They need to be with him in the garden or locking their back doors to prevent him being out there unsupervised.

I do also agree that he has got to be better supervised though. They could (and should) prevent access to dangerous stuff like tools by locking them away and/ or they could supervise him in the garden. When you have a child with issues like this you have to step up and manage for his safety and everyone else's no matter how hard it is

My brother's DS has special needs and behavioural issues due to a genetic condition and it is incredibly stressful for them. It's sad for me to see how much toll it takes on DBro and SIL. Every day they have to micro manage to stop him running away, having a melt down, lashing out or otherwise behaving in ways that get him in trouble. Their life as parents is much more stressful than for parents of NT kids his age. However they accept that this is what they have to do and they avail themselves of whatever formal or informal support is offered to be able to take a break sometimes.

SEN or not, if a kid cant be trusted to not throw things into neighbours gardens then the parents need to either be there all the time or take the child inside.

Not yours or your other neighbours problem. It sounds like the other neighbours are at the end of their tether too and the fact it has descended to fighting means the childs parents are NOT dealing with this properly.

Nothing gets returned and you need to complain every single day this happens. A parent who finds it easier to have a fight with a neighbour rather than monitor their child needs to reassess their priorities. Maybe speak to the other neighbour with the issue to and combine your efforts. Its not acceptable.

It's so lovely you're taking the child's SEN needs into consideration ❤️

As a parent to an SEN child, I would be mortified if this were my child and would supervise them in the garden as soon as this became an issue.

I agree with previous posters who have recommended filming the incidents if possible. Sometimes parental tiredness and being used to an SEN child's behaviour can blinker parents ever so slightly. I've been guilty of this myself!

You will also be doing the child a huge favour as they will be entering society through school, as an adult etc and need to learn boundaries SEN needs or not. Sometimes children need supporting either through being taught or supervised depending on need. Again, speaking as a parent to an SEN child and a teacher of SEN children. I always find it heart breaking when children haven't been supported in learning/maintaing boundaries and lose friends because of it.

You sound like such a lovely, considerate person x

https://www.networldsports.co.uk/pop-up-stop-that-balltm-4-5ft-extender-net.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjwrfymBhCTARIsADXTablwactD4q0uEpYba5RwzJi0HNE3wQxf7L1W-euj2XkJnTUNgiVd8IaAlQiEALww_wcB

Or a big net like this (but it's expensive- they should share the cost)

I guess there has to be something rewarding about this behaviour for him to keep doing it.
If the net or the cat proof fencing make it harder to succeed then he may stop doing it.

I would definitely not be returning the stuff (I'd box it all up and ask the patents to collect it later) as losing things might present some natural consequence.

In the first instance, it would be worth talking to the parents about putting anti-climb paint on both sides of the fence.

However, I would consider contacting social services, because this family clearly need more support than they are getting . The child’s behaviour presents a danger to himself and others, and the parents are not able to safely supervise him.