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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex husband has hidden

34 replies

oofbitsilly · 18/08/2023 09:46

Approximately £20,000 a year of his salary in pension or something to save £9 a month of maintenance?

Help me with the maths please, not sure I'm understanding my recent CMS letter.

He was paying £674 a month. It was our first year of going official after several years arranging it ourselves and him being a bit of a twat when I inherited after our divorce.

New calculation is £665. He hasn't changed job and contact remains the same.

CMS letter says the income AFTER pension but BEFORE tax and insurance is £82,000. It also says the income must go up or down by 25% to prompt a change in maintenance payable,

Am I correct in thinking he's engineered a way to do himself out of £20k gross income per year to facilitate £9 less a month? I mean, I know it's still there in a pension but he's 45 so won't be getting it for a while, surely...

YANBU - yes, he's a noxious dick and also a bit silly

YABU - no, you've done your sums wrong and you're the twat here

OP posts:
Dotjones · 18/08/2023 09:59

He's presumably paying more into his pension because that way it's not taxed. If he's 45 he can take the pension in ten years' so he'll be saving 20% or whatever by doing this plus the £108 per year he saves in maintenance costs.

From a financial point of view it makes perfect sense to pay as much as possible into your pension from as young as possible. £20000 with ten years to mature is a lot better than £20000 with five years to mature.

DailyMailHater · 18/08/2023 10:03

i can’t vote as I don’t agree with either option…..I can’t believe he is paying more into his pension just to save £9….maybe he has just started to save more in his pension….working in the pensions industry previously a lot of blokes get to 45-50 and suddenly decide they need to put more away as they realise they aren’t getting any younger.

MatildaTheCat · 18/08/2023 10:06

To be fair I doubt he’s done this to thwart you, after all his own income is far more affected at the moment and he may well have been advised by a professional to do this.

Does he have regular contact with your DC? If so I’d just subtly engineer ways to ensure he makes up that payment each month. But then again I can be quite petty.

Butterflywings2 · 18/08/2023 10:08

I doubt he is doing it to be spiteful if the saving is only £9 a month, hardly worth the faff. I don't think I'd waste time giving it too much thought for £9 a month- if that's what CMS say I'd just grin and bear it.

RedPony1 · 18/08/2023 10:08

He hasn't done this to annoy you, he's being savvy with money and planning for retirement.

OhmygodDont · 18/08/2023 10:12

Sounds like his hit an age where his met with a financial planner to maximise his pension for retirement. My in-laws are forever having meetings with theirs.

If he was doing it to be sprite full he would stash more away surely.

winelove · 18/08/2023 10:13

By saving the additional £20k in his pension he has bought his salary down from £102k to £82k therefore taking him below the threshold of starting to lose his allowance. Probably doesn't cost him that much more in the scheme of things.

Original poster
oofbitsilly · 18/08/2023 11:29

MatildaTheCat · 18/08/2023 10:06

To be fair I doubt he’s done this to thwart you, after all his own income is far more affected at the moment and he may well have been advised by a professional to do this.

Does he have regular contact with your DC? If so I’d just subtly engineer ways to ensure he makes up that payment each month. But then again I can be quite petty.

See, I think he has done it with maintenance in mind - he likely expected to save more than £9 a month. He has form for trying to avoid paying now he believes he is absolved from responsibility due to my inheritance.

Anyway, previously I paid for everything - clubs, uniforms, school residentials for ££££££ - because he made such a song and dance about paying maintenance and it was the only way to stop him taking me to court for 50:50 which would very much have been to the kids' disadvantage. Now I'll be asking him for £200 in September alone to cover half of the upcoming school trips 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
oofbitsilly · 18/08/2023 11:31

RedPony1 · 18/08/2023 10:08

He hasn't done this to annoy you, he's being savvy with money and planning for retirement.

You're right about him being savvy with money and I appreciate his planning. But I do think he's done it because he genuinely believes he shouldn't have to pay for his kids because "you've got your mum's money now". He said it to me himself a couple of years ago.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 18/08/2023 11:35

My ex husband quits work every year for a couple of months to cut his contribution down he also short changes me by £8 every month for no reason some men really really are that petty

towriteyoumustlive · 18/08/2023 11:35

You're massively over-thinking this and sounding bitter.

It's 1.3% of quite a decent amount (compared to what lots of others get), and if he is putting it into a pension then that sounds sensible as the cost of living has gone up massively, so people need to boost their pension pots.

caerdydd12 · 18/08/2023 11:36

oofbitsilly · 18/08/2023 11:29

See, I think he has done it with maintenance in mind - he likely expected to save more than £9 a month. He has form for trying to avoid paying now he believes he is absolved from responsibility due to my inheritance.

Anyway, previously I paid for everything - clubs, uniforms, school residentials for ££££££ - because he made such a song and dance about paying maintenance and it was the only way to stop him taking me to court for 50:50 which would very much have been to the kids' disadvantage. Now I'll be asking him for £200 in September alone to cover half of the upcoming school trips 😂

Show quote history

He doesn't have to pay you extra for the trips though? If you think he's done this to avoid £9 per month he'd hardly going to stump up more than he has to in September. I think you're better off not mentioning it if you honestly think he's done it to spite you, don't give him the satisfaction.

In my opinion though he's probably just thinking ahead to retirement.

Dillydollydingdong · 18/08/2023 11:37

He could still voluntarily pay the extra £9

Parky04 · 18/08/2023 11:38

Dotjones · 18/08/2023 09:59

He's presumably paying more into his pension because that way it's not taxed. If he's 45 he can take the pension in ten years' so he'll be saving 20% or whatever by doing this plus the £108 per year he saves in maintenance costs.

From a financial point of view it makes perfect sense to pay as much as possible into your pension from as young as possible. £20000 with ten years to mature is a lot better than £20000 with five years to mature.

Not relevant to OP but he wouldn't be able to take pension until 57.

caerdydd12 · 18/08/2023 11:39

Parky04 · 18/08/2023 11:38

Not relevant to OP but he wouldn't be able to take pension until 57.

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Why not? Most workplace schemes are 55.

TheCrystalPalace · 18/08/2023 11:41

They are (55) currently but shortly to change to 57, probably before the OP's ex gets there.

Original poster
oofbitsilly · 18/08/2023 11:41

towriteyoumustlive · 18/08/2023 11:35

You're massively over-thinking this and sounding bitter.

It's 1.3% of quite a decent amount (compared to what lots of others get), and if he is putting it into a pension then that sounds sensible as the cost of living has gone up massively, so people need to boost their pension pots.

I am bitter. He was horrible to me.

I'm not going to do anything about it, but I will be asking for money towards the bigger, unusual expenses like trips etc because I didn't for ages. He might not pay up, but he might and it's worth asking as he earns more than twice what I do - because I took the career and salary hit when the kids were tiny and his career and earning power flourished, as evidenced by him being able to afford stashing £20k a year which is a pipe dream for a lot of people, including me 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
caerdydd12 · 18/08/2023 11:43

TheCrystalPalace · 18/08/2023 11:41

They are (55) currently but shortly to change to 57, probably before the OP's ex gets there.

Just had a quick look and it looks providing he's been paying in since before 2021 and the scheme had an age of 55 at that point he should have a protected age of 55 still. Only one way to find out though I guess, try withdrawing at 55 lol.

Original poster
oofbitsilly · 18/08/2023 11:45

Theunamedcat · 18/08/2023 11:35

My ex husband quits work every year for a couple of months to cut his contribution down he also short changes me by £8 every month for no reason some men really really are that petty

Sorry he does that. I think some posters just don't believe men will behave like this but some do. I'm not going to mention it to him explicitly but will say "two residential trips this year, can you contribute" - he may not and there'll be nothing I can do but he DEFINITELY won't volunteer to if I don't ask.

OP posts:
DontMakeMeShushYou · 18/08/2023 11:46

I think you're overthinking this.

Has he just moved to a salary sacrifice scheme for paying his pension contributions? That would explain the "After pension but before tax and national insurance" bit.

Caprisunny · 18/08/2023 11:47

If I am following correctly he gets paid just over £100k and putting a large amount into his pension. To reduce the taxable amount.

Yes that’s what loads of people do when they earn just over 100k. I was actually advised to that by the ceo and HR when I was offered my last promotions It’s I likely he did it to save sending you £9.

Original poster
oofbitsilly · 18/08/2023 11:49

Caprisunny · 18/08/2023 11:47

If I am following correctly he gets paid just over £100k and putting a large amount into his pension. To reduce the taxable amount.

Yes that’s what loads of people do when they earn just over 100k. I was actually advised to that by the ceo and HR when I was offered my last promotions It’s I likely he did it to save sending you £9.

I mean, perhaps. I'll never earn close to that in my field, so I wouldn't know!

I'm basing my assumptions off his past behaviour and communication with me about money and his very real bafflement that I still wanted maintenance after my mum died and I inherited some of her estate (not an immense amount either, tbh).

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 18/08/2023 11:50

What does it matter. It's only £9. I doubt this is deliberate. You are getting a reasonable amount of maintenance. It will be to do with tax relief on his pension as others have said. Not maintenance.

Caprisunny · 18/08/2023 11:53

oofbitsilly · 18/08/2023 11:49

I mean, perhaps. I'll never earn close to that in my field, so I wouldn't know!

I'm basing my assumptions off his past behaviour and communication with me about money and his very real bafflement that I still wanted maintenance after my mum died and I inherited some of her estate (not an immense amount either, tbh).

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I think there’s a chance that when he decided to do this, it was a bonus (to him) that it would reduce the payment to you.

But I very much doubt it’s the whole reason why. It’a a very very common thing to do

Tippley · 18/08/2023 11:53

He won't be doing it for the sake of £9, lots of people when they hit a particular salary to avoid the tax cliff edge. Of course he could still pay the same amount and contribute to trips etc but as the system in this country sucks he doesn't have to pay.

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