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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think she was a bit of a prima donna?

31 replies

CristinaTheAstonishing · 29/02/2008 01:15

Book club at mine tonight at 8 pm. I'm new to this. First woman arrives, small circle but I'd never met her before. My DD1 a bit of a cheek ("What does Bart Simpson say? Eat! My! Shorts!" giggle, giggle). DS (aged 8) arrives from his evening activity complaining of a sore wrist (and because mummy's a doctor he has to have his wrist seen to). Anyhow, 15 minutes into it, barely at the "hello" stage and only 3 of us present, one woman gets up and leaves saying she'd had enough of her own 2 during the day and she can't stand it any longer. What a fucking prima donna. Had she come last night, mine would have been in bed by then. Tonight they weren't (because DS had his club night tonight and DD1 waited for him). So what? DD2 (5 months) was an angel, asleep. DS was genuinely concermed about his wrist. DD1 was cheeky but she's only 3 (this Saturday) and it wasn't directed towards the bleeding prima donna, just high spirits. AIBU to think the PD should be able to control her "emotions" better than a 3 year old?

OP posts:
amytheearwaxbanisher · 29/02/2008 01:19

ynbu feel sorry for her kids if thats how much patients she has!

Original poster
CristinaTheAstonishing · 29/02/2008 01:32

Thanks, Amy. I have to say, I thought this over. If she'd hired a babysitter for tonight expecting high brow conversation, then yes, i'd have felt bad about it. I really have no idea.

OP posts:
amytheearwaxbanisher · 29/02/2008 01:36

its a bit strange i find most mammys are very tollerent of other people children mabey she was having a very bad day or is just a cow did you talk to the other people from you book club about it?

Original poster
CristinaTheAstonishing · 29/02/2008 01:42

Only one other who also met her for the first time and found a bit abrupt to just get up and leave (when no one was bothering us, it was quiet, we were just getting on to adult stuff, talking about the book, not bad when only 10-15 minutes had passed). Fair enough if her Dcs had been little devils, but then it surely it was her own shortcoming as a parent rather than mine? (Inasmuch as our lovelies' poor behaviour is our own shortcoming.)

OP posts:
Tortington · 29/02/2008 01:45

i can understand the not liking of other peoples children and perhaps she thought this would be child free. However that does not excuse her horrid and rude behaviour

ornamentalhaggis · 29/02/2008 01:49

She sounds delightful Cristina . Best finding out sooner than later though, you don't need people like that in your life!

amytheearwaxbanisher · 29/02/2008 01:49

just seems rude to me

Original poster
CristinaTheAstonishing · 29/02/2008 01:52

Custy I totally agree that what i find cute and cheeky in my child could be rude and tiresome seen by another and IKWYM that it could have been child free. I even said that my DH thinks that if we moved to a house (we are in a flat) then the children would magically go to bed at the right time and not come down again because of the upstairs/downstairs barrier. (I always grew up in a flat and I can't see the difference that an upstairs/downstairs would make.) I mean I addressed it while she was there, before it became a problem. I've only been to one of these evenings before and the previous host had her 2 in bed by 8pm (younger than mine). I think I was shocked that she didn't give it more time and she got up just when we got to talking about the book.

OP posts:
Original poster
CristinaTheAstonishing · 29/02/2008 02:00

Ornamental - it could get a bit awkward when it's her turn to host. I suppose I should make a point of leaving if the clock ticks and i find the noise intrusive or something. As long as I do it in a way that makes her feel bad. I didn't show her to the door tonight, i just said "Okay" and let her find her way to the door and out. More out of shock than premeditated rudeness.

OP posts:
eidsvold · 29/02/2008 02:51

yes she needed to be more grown up and reasonable.

I certainly know with my own - any change to routine is very exciting - if I have had friends over or had committee meetings etc at mine - they are not so willing to go to bed - they suspect that something exciting is going on that they are going to miss and so need a little extra attention.

NO matter what she expected - she needed to behave with more respect and manners than she did.

eidsvold · 29/02/2008 02:52

sorry - thought you asked if she was being a prima donna which is why I said yes - not yes you are bu. YANBU

Chequers · 29/02/2008 13:06

Message withdrawn

PrettyCandles · 29/02/2008 13:11

Yes, she was a bit abrupt and rude, but I know that on the nights I go to my book group I can't get out of the house fast enough. I start stressing if dh is late home from work, I can't wait to throw the LOs at him (with all love, of course) and scram! We meet in a pub, but I can imagine what it might feel like were I to flee from my lot, looking forward to a purely adult evening, and end up back in the same place. Add to that a dose of PMT or something similar, and I might well react the way she did.

So in this case, please walk a mile in her shoes before you judge her.

OrmIrian · 29/02/2008 13:15

PMT or not, that's horrible behaviour. I hope she apologises if she comes again. I would expect it.

PrettyCandles · 29/02/2008 13:19

Oh yes, definitely apology due next time, or even a phone call sooner.

GetOrfMoiLand · 29/02/2008 13:25

My god, I am a miserable old cow at the best of times and sometimes find other peopl's children less than scintillating company.

However there is NO excuse for this woman's rude and antisocial behaviour, she is utterly wrong to do what she did. Talk about ruining your night.

She should have shut up and smiled sweetly, not made things awkward for you.

Bloody old witch

BettySpaghetti · 29/02/2008 13:30

YANBU -that was completely rude of her. Does she not have any social skills?

If she felt that strongly she should have either:

a) bit her tongue and stayed to the end making a mental note not to come next time if the evening wasn't to her liking
or
b) left early claiming to have a migraine or something

newgirl · 29/02/2008 13:55

ooer when i read your op i actually knew exactly where she was coming from! she might have rushed like mad to get there - left dh/kids in a state/paid a babysitter, skipped dinner etc and then it was like being at a play date

ok i know she should have put up with it but i sort of admire her honesty!

kerala · 29/02/2008 14:00

I can understand how she felt but agree she was rude to walk off and she was wrong to not have considered how it would have hurt your feelings.

Though part of me admires people like that. I spend my life bending over backwards to be nice and polite and fit in with other people so being that outrageous seems quite liberating!

mrsruffallo · 29/02/2008 14:16

I think if you are going to someone's house and you know they have children, you can't really be surprised when they appear.
It would have been different if Cristina had arranged to meet them in a restaurant and had brought the kids along.
I don't think she sounds admirable but rude and
spoilt.

tyaca · 29/02/2008 15:39

she wasnt being unreasonable to think these things (could be her one night free a week)... but completely unacceptable to express it the way she did. really bloody rude, and yes, you're right - what a primadonna

Original poster
CristinaTheAstonishing · 29/02/2008 15:55

Thanks for the replies. Like everyone else, I uderstand her p.o.v as well ("what the hell am I doing here wasting my time with ppl I've never met before and their obnoxious brats") but I think this is where those little white lies of social behaviour come into play, so a sudden "I'm not feeling that great atm" etc would have been much better for all.

FWIW during the first minutes when asked if she wanted tea/coffee/wine she said herbal tea. I brought a selection of the herbal teas I had, with some disgust she said "no, wine then". I don't think she was in the best of moods and perhaps 15 minutes was the right length of time for both.

DD2 used to be painfully shy around strangers but has become much more outgoing these past few weeks. She's turning 3 tomorrow. My mum (who is staying with us ATM) didn't think DD2's behaviour was so OTT to come and get her away from us. DH was out. Luckily, only one other person was there at the time (no time even for ppl to arrive and settle in, it was all so quick) so not too awkward next time we meet, I hope.

OP posts:
frecklyspeckly · 29/02/2008 22:52

What a rude insult to your hospitality. Lets hope when she got home her own children had [a non painful dose of]the 'runs' all night and didnt quite make it to the loo.And she had to clear up. Or perhaps she can't actually read and was looking for any excuse to leave ??

PrincessHunker · 29/02/2008 22:57

What did the others say?

minouminou · 29/02/2008 22:59

nah..........she's a twat
the business with the herbal teas/wine just puts the tin lid on it

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