Male colleagues

[Phillipsson]

I went out to dinner and a bar with colleagues, 1 male who is a close friend, and 1 male who is an acquaintance.

So me and my close friend colleague have a habit of taking Photo Booth pictures. We take one together any time we can in restaurants/clubs so it’s routine for us - we meet up often and we’re in our 20s. We don’t usually go out with the acquaintance colleague, only in larger group settings (and with other women!)

On this day we took photos in a Photo Booth as per. But involved the acquaintance as to not leave him out. The male who is a close friend was out of view in the photos, you can just about see his beard and shoulders, so it looks like it’s just me and the acquaintance in the photo.

The acquaintance kept the Photo Booth picture on his desk at work like a decoration, and has now gone on annual leave leaving it there. Aibu to think that’s weird? People have asked me if we’re dating which we’re not. I just thought it was a harmless thing, no romantic interest whatsoever, he could have just binned it.

Yeah it's weird if he's displaying it and you're just an acquaintance?
If it's just left on his desk by accident I wouldn't worry but if you think it's been left there on display on purpose then I'd just take the picture off his desk myself if I were you.
Don't make a big deal out of it or mention it to anyone.
When he comes back, if he asks, just say you were making a copy of it and it's at home or something etc. If he pesters you for the pic then it's a big deal and obviously means something to him so definitely weird on his part.

Also, tell your boss?
Obv the pic makes it look like you're dating and you want it taken down so ask your boss to remove it for you?

It's your picture as well just take it and bin it.

I’ll get rid of it. It’s annoying as I feel like the damage has already been done as it’s got people gossiping! He needs to clear this up. I think I’ll distance myself going forward as I just don’t understand the thought process. Why even take it into work frankly, a professional environment and not consider the optics? Everyone knows shit like this is more damaging to women at work rather than men. He’s probably using it as some type of trophy

Can you ask your close friend colleague to jump in if he hears any gossip and clarify that he was also there and this was definitely not a date, you’re not romantically involved etc?

He works on another floor so isn’t likely to be around the gossip. I’m sure he would clear things up and point out his beard in the photo if necessary though!

Maybe he thinks you are friends now?

I mean, even if that was the case he knows exactly what kind of environment we work in and how it would look. Zero chance of naivety as he is aware of people accusing people of dating in the past. One of the female managers regularly gets written off for flirting with X,Y,Z when she’s just professionally polite for example.

"Everyone knows shit like this is more damaging to women at work rather than men. He’s probably using it as some type of trophy"

Would you say the same if it was your 'close' male colleague who you have a thing for taking photobooth photos with displaying it? Maybe your other colleague just feels happy to be included and as your 'close' colleague is partially visible didn't think the optics would be bad. Has he ever shown an intrest in you? To be honest, if two of my colleagues had a habit of dissapearing into photobooths together as their 'thing', that would be far more a topic of gossip than another colleague having a picture of a work night out on their desk, especially in an environment where you say people are too quick to judge flirting or assume dating.

If you are allowed to display photos at work then I don't think you can complain. You happily went into the photo Booth with him and had your picture taken. He isn't saying you are dating, its a normal sort of picture that usually ends up on Facebook or some other social media anyway

Just bin them. What a fuss over nothing.

I think this is really nasty of you tbh. You say it's such a big deal yet are the one regularly taking photo booth photos with a colleague which just sounds really odd and unnecessary!

It sounds like you and your colleague's perceived kindness and inclusion meant something for him.

I also don't know how you can be so adamant that he has the photos which you were happy to take on his desk as some sort of malicious or underhanded act, I've literally never heard anything like it.

Finally, I don't know what kind of ridiculous place you work in but it's either time to challenge this extremely backwards culture or if it makes you this angry, perhaps stop taking pictures with random colleagues, that is quite unprofessional tbh.

And sorry one final thing, unless you work in an American sit com where people get fired or moved on for dating, what exactly is the issue with a few gossipy nitwits speculating that you might be in some kind of relationship?

You are not, so just breeze past it. I do understand on a more reasonable level, I've been thinking woman accused of getting with the boss for a leg up, but this sounds like bog standard office bitchiness which you need to gain more resilience against.

My close friend colleague is gay, no one thinks we’re dating. He’s not a random colleague either, we went to university together and now work together. We have 100s of photos together over the years so “disappearing in a Photo Booth together” isn’t extraordinary.

I don’t know what the other guy was thinking by bringing the photo into work or leaving it on his desk. Yes, our workplace culture is awful but we’ve had so many conversations about just how awful it is! He’s given them something extra to moan about knowing full well the reaction. I can’t change the culture alone unfortunately. It’s not nice being thought of sleeping with colleagues at work either. It’s easier said than done rising above that.