To feel hurt by this?

[sunflower04]

Just wondering if I’m being a bit precious and need to lighten up a bit

My friends and I have all started new jobs after graduation. One of my best friends went out with her work friends midweek and got absolutely hammered, to the point she could barely walk or stand up. We don’t have the same wider group of friends so she was out with other people who I don’t know, but every conversation we have is dominated by how great they are, all the things they do together, she never really asks anything about my work or my life anymore but I don’t mind because I assume she was just excited with her new job and new friends and that’s why she was going on about it so much. But anyway, she went out with those friends and she got extremely drunk. They left her alone and she called me because she was unsure where she was, could barely stand up and needed help getting home. I had to drive out to get her (over an hour away) drop her off at home (an hour in a different direction) which then meant I was home for 3am. They also spilled kebab and threw up in my car so I had to clean that at 3am when I got home

my friend knows I’m up for work at 6am, they knew I had a big day the next day because I had mentioned I was nervous about it and they knew how much it meant to me.

of course I would never want to leave my friend alone and as soon as I knew she was hammered, didn’t know where she was, was alone, couldn’t stand up etc I couldn’t have left her so I know I didn’t have to go and get her but I sort of did at the same time. I tried to call her a taxi (that I would pay over the phone) but she kept moving location and the taxi driver said they couldn’t keep a wild goose chase with me contacting her, then them, then she moved again etc. it was easier for her just to send me her location and I went to collect her

the next day I was exhausted at work. I didn’t get a single message thanking me, just lots of messages about omg I’m so hungover! I can’t believe I was such a mess last night! No mention of the fact I didn’t get home until ridiculously late and was driving about the city centre trying to find her and that she was sick in my car. No mention of the fact I was working the next day and not even a thanks for coming to get her

she said she didn’t call her boyfriend or anyone else because they were all working the next day and she felt bad 😐 also not too impressed that her new friends that she talks on and on and on about how wonderful they are just left her alone in that state

am I being a bit precious to be really upset and feel a bit hurt? Not sure if I’m being ridiculous and should lighten up a bit because I can be a bit precious about my sleep sometimes. For the record, she wasn’t spiked, she just loves a wild night out and can’t handle shots.

I wouldn't bother texting her either with a long essay as PP

Just leave it as is and never bail her drunken arse out again

You’re not being unreasonable, and you’re a lovely person.
also: next time maybe she needs to call someone else.
she’s taking advantage, and she’s not appreciating you.
I have a few friends like this- I’m the person they dump on or run to when they’re hurting, but other people are the ones they have fun with.
I am fed up with this, and have blocked one of those friends - it was so very one sided, and she did something extremely hurtful which was the last straw.

but it shouldn’t take her doing something hurtful - this is thoughtless enough. Maybe start re-evaluating this friendship. Sounds like she’s all take, and no consideration for you.

I'd be upset, hurt and pissed off.

She was utterly selfish and hopefully will eventually thank you properly.

But probably not as like you said you're all busy with your new jobs and in your case being a great friend and rescuer

I might text her saying 'you crazy mad cow I can't believe you let yourself get so drunk and abandoned in the middle of nowhere where you could have been kidnapped, raped and murdered. You are bloody lucky I was able to come and get you even though I had to get up at 6am for a really important day. You owe me big time. I love you but don't ever put me through that again. Look after yourself. See you soon

People treat you how you allow them to treat you

In my life, this person would not be my friend, because friends don't treat me that way

It’s all very well saying don’t answer phone next time but that has two flaws:

1. it’s very difficult to ignore someone who is in a genuinely vulnerable/ dangerous position. If the friend is calling at 2am then even if OP doesn’t answer she knows there’s a problem.
2. it makes OP the bad guy in the eyes of her friend and potentially others and who needs that drama?

I think a short text saying that she owes you a thank you and a car valet is entirely appropriate - and OP I don’t know how you stopped yourself responding snarkily when friend said she couldn’t call her boyf because he was working!

How friend responds will tell you everything

You are a great friend, she sounds pretty terrible.

I think you need to tell her all of this, she has used you, the fact she didn’t phone anyone else because they were working feels like she doesn’t think much of your job. Its also disgusting how she treated your car, she should have phoned a taxi.

Next time I don’t think I’d answer my phone to her.

Blimey! You have gone massively out of your way to help her when she was in quite a precarious situation.

I would explain to her what happened last night in detail in case she was too drunk to remember. And I would be really firm and say you won't do that again (you can't, you've got a job to hold down)

Be really fact based and unemotional then it won't escalate and she'll hopefully understand that this was totally unacceptable

Why not tell her you’re a little annoyed by her behaviour? It’s really rude to have no thanks for apology. When she mentioned her BF having work the next day did you point out you did too?

personally I’d tell her I was annoyed and that I won’t be picking her up again in those circumstances. Her having new friends from work is a bit by the by…but her behaviour towards you that night is out of order.

Call her at all am and read out your OP.

Then block her

Apart from everything else, she sounds so boring and self obsessed.

Would struggle to stay friends with someone like this, even if they had redeeming qualities.

All of the above. Then mute her - so she can't disturb you again the next time her so called friends dump her. Don't block her - yet - see what she has to say for herself first!

Should have been "call her at 3 am"

This friend is not one of those special ones who will be a friend for life. So you can let this one go, and focus on the ones that build you up and not the ones that will drain you, and never appreciate or value your friendship.

Get the car valeted and send her the bill. She doesn’t sound much like a friend tbh.

She is using you and not a very nice person.

You can be a good friend without feeling you have to bend over backwards and inconvenience yourself.

Being a complete pushover won't earn you respect, it usually makes people want to wipe their feet on you even more.

You can tell her how you feel about her disgusting behaviour but it will fall on deaf ears and her eyes will narrow into slits as she is annoyed you are not going to be a doormat any more that she can use.

@Slinkyminky22

She's not a friend, she sounds like a user. I'd focus on other friends.**

THIS
the first time the taxi couldn't find her - because SHE'D moved I'd have left her to it.
If you're afraid, drunk on a lone and someone sends you a cab, YOU STAY PUT. I assume she'd me up with other friends and continued the pub crawl.
And you said 'they' threw up in your car. Did you give the 'missing friends' a lift home to?

And? @Phillipsson Does that mean OP’s job doesn’t matter? OP tried to send her so-called friend help by calling a taxi but her friend kept on moving. Did you miss the part that OP got home late and had to clean her car?

That’s what I’m also wondering as well

You sound like a lovely friend but you need to put boundaries up around this person. You're not her parent or carer, she's an adult so let her sort her own mess out, most importantly turn your phone off when you get go bed.

Tell her, your feelings are valid
Then step away from her completely

I cannot BELIEVE she hasn't thanked you. Unbelievably rude of her and I am not surprised you're hurt.

Do you have feelings for her beyond friendship? I ask because this level of exploitation of a person is rare in a friendship, and more akin to what some unscrupulous individuals do when they know they are adored by the other person and can get away with anything with them.
Regardless, I think you need to reflect on the dynamic here as its extremely unequal. She is asking things of you she'd ask of no one else, and withholding the consideration she'd give to others from you. She isn't valuing you as a person just as a facilitator of her life. No one is worth a relegation to that.

Don’t pussyfoot around her she needs to be told straight and if she doesn’t like it then tough on her as it means she’s not a good friend. Don’t try and minimise it to protect her feelings when you have been very understandably hurt by her thoughtlessness. You sound like a great friend and you deserve better than this. Hopefully she will step up, apologise sincerely and be the friend you deserve.

She sounds so self centred and entitled. OP you need to tell her!