Why did I agree to do a function??

Watermelon444 · 2023-08-17T17:35:58+00:00

Having a birthday do this weekend. Have invited friends and family. Have spent a small fortune on buffet food, cleaning, booze, cake etc etc. Have spent the past week getting the house and garden ready. Slowly people are pulling out, some for understandable reasons some for downright annoying reasons. (Choosing to go and watch a football game instead with their kids). I am left with enough (expensive) food to feed an army. It’s too late to cancel or change the order. I still have to do all of the preparation but it all feels a bit flat. Why have people gone so flaky, or am I just unlucky? People can’t help their elderly parent being ill or being unwell themselves but it seems such an unlucky coincidence that it all happens the one time when I decide to plan something.

Issuefroth · 17/08/2023 18:37

I blame lockdowns and the degeneration of basic social manners such as honouring commitments

ichundich · 17/08/2023 18:38

That sounds rubbish. Can you invite other friends? Or your neighbours for a little street type party? Then you might meet some new people as well and / or get to know them better.

Philosopherstone · 17/08/2023 18:39

Hi op I absolutely hate and also feel that people are more flakey now but when it comes to their event they expect the world. Ive downsized all my recent events and over invited so as not to have this problem it's worked so far.

GoodLordHelpMe · 17/08/2023 18:41

I had this happen to me recently and it made me feel so down and worthless. But, the actual day was so fun and so special with the people who did turn up, in the end I enjoyed it so much.
Have a wonderful day, enjoy the time you can spend actually talking to people for a change and any spare food eat for the next week or freeze. Have fun!

CeciliaMars · 17/08/2023 18:51

Is it because of the Women's World Cup Final? Could you just show it at your house, and tell everyone they can watch? It'll be finished by 1pm and will be very exciting, even if you're not a football fan!
If it's not because of that, I'd just throw out some more invites to friends and neighbours!

cunningartificer · 17/08/2023 18:55

People have been like this for a long time and you're just unlucky... there's a parable in the Bible about people making excuses about not coming to a party and the advice is to ask people who would never normally get to go to a party; you could do that, or it might be good to ask some people you're less close to and reconnect?

hylian · 17/08/2023 18:59

Sorry to hear that OP. It is frustrating!

I always try to forgive people when they do this... partly because I think people really underestimate how important they are to your party. People will assume you have loads of other people coming so it doesn't matter if they drop out.

Then it's super cringey to be like... 'err you're actually really important!' 😆

The best advice I can give is to just throw yourself into it with whoever does turn up and have a good time. I had a party last year and only 4 friends came in the end (was expecting about 15!) but we had a great laugh anyway. You never know, you might still enjoy it.

chopc · 17/08/2023 19:01

Next time you invite, say you need the numbers for catering purposes. And to check their calendar is clear before accepting the invite. This way there is less room to be flaky

Original poster

Watermelon444 · 17/08/2023 19:08

CeciliaMars · 17/08/2023 18:51

Is it because of the Women's World Cup Final? Could you just show it at your house, and tell everyone they can watch? It'll be finished by 1pm and will be very exciting, even if you're not a football fan!
If it's not because of that, I'd just throw out some more invites to friends and neighbours!

No it’s premier league, a fixture has been moved. We would happily show it but didn’t get chance to offer that as they had already pulled out. The worse thing is that this is 2 families and I think they may be going together instead of coming here.

OP posts:

Original poster

Watermelon444 · 17/08/2023 19:10

chopc · 17/08/2023 19:01

Next time you invite, say you need the numbers for catering purposes. And to check their calendar is clear before accepting the invite. This way there is less room to be flaky

I did this as I was conscious that as I was spending a fair bit I wanted to make sure I had numbers confirmed beforehand.

I ordered food about 7 days ago once everyone had confirmed.

I checked with people when was the best date to avoid holidays etc and went for the best option.

OP posts:

Original poster

Watermelon444 · 17/08/2023 19:13

hylian · 17/08/2023 18:59

Sorry to hear that OP. It is frustrating!

I always try to forgive people when they do this... partly because I think people really underestimate how important they are to your party. People will assume you have loads of other people coming so it doesn't matter if they drop out.

Then it's super cringey to be like... 'err you're actually really important!' 😆

The best advice I can give is to just throw yourself into it with whoever does turn up and have a good time. I had a party last year and only 4 friends came in the end (was expecting about 15!) but we had a great laugh anyway. You never know, you might still enjoy it.

Yes I agree.

I am just stating to get a bit anxious every time I get a text. And obviously if it was going to be a smaller gathering I would have catered myself and not been as obsessed about getting everything just right….. (and buying soo much booze which we will just end up having ourselves)

OP posts:

Original poster

Watermelon444 · 17/08/2023 19:14

cunningartificer · 17/08/2023 18:55

People have been like this for a long time and you're just unlucky... there's a parable in the Bible about people making excuses about not coming to a party and the advice is to ask people who would never normally get to go to a party; you could do that, or it might be good to ask some people you're less close to and reconnect?

Yes I may try this but it feels a bit shady to invite people as reserves!!

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troubleanstrife · 17/08/2023 19:15

I’m sorry, that’s crap.
I applaud you for organising it in the first place, I always avoid inviting people over for a party because of worrying about this exact thing.

I think all you can do it to be honest with them next time you speak, the party was great thanks but you were disappointed so many people pulled out and you had a lot of food left over.

Original poster

Watermelon444 · 17/08/2023 19:15

GoodLordHelpMe · 17/08/2023 18:41

I had this happen to me recently and it made me feel so down and worthless. But, the actual day was so fun and so special with the people who did turn up, in the end I enjoyed it so much.
Have a wonderful day, enjoy the time you can spend actually talking to people for a change and any spare food eat for the next week or freeze. Have fun!

I hope ours is the same and I can rid this flat feeling

OP posts:

Original poster

Watermelon444 · 17/08/2023 19:17

troubleanstrife · 17/08/2023 19:15

I’m sorry, that’s crap.
I applaud you for organising it in the first place, I always avoid inviting people over for a party because of worrying about this exact thing.

I think all you can do it to be honest with them next time you speak, the party was great thanks but you were disappointed so many people pulled out and you had a lot of food left over.

Yes I am normally the same.

I avoid doing it for this very reason.

Normally we just invite a few friends at very short notice as an ad hoc thing and it works ok.

After our last one, I thought that this time I will push the boat out and plan it a bit more. Wish I hadn’t now!

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MatildaTheCat · 17/08/2023 19:25

They are breathtakingly rude. Unfortunately it has become very common indeed to flake on people. DH quite often has to organise work events and the number of people who pull out last minute is appalling- especially when it impacts on everyone, say in a golf match of four balls.

I hope you do have a lovely day and I for one will always accept a last minute invitation for this reason and usually have fun. People who feel second best are silly, you have extra space now and would love to see them for a party at your expense, I don’t see anything but positives there.