To think I can learn to cope with my stressful job?

[Cinnamonandcoal]

My job causes me a lot of stress and anxiety. It doesn't involve life or death situations but it does involve money and a huge amount of personal accountability and very difficult targets. Probably work 50hrs a week and often late at night.

I'm finding it a massive challenge. I've been having issues with anxiety, panic attacks, not able to relax ever and it really impacts my family life.

Partly this the actual job but a lot of it my own insecurities and worry about failing.

People close to me have suggested I find something else because it's not working well for me. But.

Firstly I think any senior role in this sector would be similar.

Secondly - I've worked really hard to get where I am now.

Thirdly, lots of people have high pressure jobs and managed to deal with it, surely I can learn to do that too?

Has anyone been in this situation and managed to make the role work for them to the point they are able to deal with the pressures, gain sufficient confidence and enjoy life?

Thank you

Best thing I ever did was jack in the job that made me feel like that.

Everyone else seemed to cope, but I hated the work, hated lots of the people, hated the hours and the stress and the office and the pressures and and and....

I took a £10k paycut to take my current role. My MH has never been better. I have regular hours which I have worked outside of maybe twice in 3yrs and only because of genuine emergencies - with the TOIL taken back within a few days.

It's been worth every single penny for my mental health. No more sitting in my car for an hour every morning trying to get up the strength to go into the office. No more smug or verbally aggressive colleagues. No more smalltalk with people I find abhorrent.

My colleagues are lovely, genuine and helpful. No one works to agendas or tries to belittle anyone else.

Start looking around - the longer you are under stress, the more brittle you become. Not everything gets stronger under pressure.

I could have written this. Same situation entirely. I've managed to bit by bit shave time of certain tasks and make efficiencies so I am down to maybe 42 ish hours a week now and 1 late night a month. It used to be a lot worse than this and I was ready to walk away multiple times.

I don't know if that's how it works; whether you develop tolerance over time, or it just wears you away.

It certainly wore me down, and to no end.

Life is short OP.

If you are not going to make millions within the next 5 years then sack off the stressful
job.

I work in the corporate world, but as an external consultant, so self employed and I've been where you are and no doubt will be there again. I've experienced such extreme pressure that I've had entire sleepless nights, I've frequently been in tears, unable to function.

I've also worked with senior people who seem to be able to leave on time nine times out of ten, if they miss a deadline, they miss a deadline and in the past I've viewed that as lack of commitment, but it's not. It's priorities.

Ultimately, for me, it came down to what people might think of me, or say about me if I didn't deliver on time. Now I just try to keep telling myself why should I put the needs and profits of a huge corporate in front of my own health, wellbeing, family, etc. Sometimes it works.

I would atleast look to change the workplace to one with a different culture. Even if it’s the same role there can be a big difference with the feel of places.

I also think the long hours must really take a toll. 50 hours is a lot. Something that’s stressful won’t feel as bad if youre working less hours.

It probably isn’t the same but I’m an architect, so stakes are fairly high if I fuck up, though most things can be fixed unless something burns down. I worked somewhere for a few years that had crazy hours, I remember being 30 weeks pregnant and still working till 2am. The culture though they liked to think they were very forward thinking it really wasn’t great.

I genuinely thought about leaving architecture, I had trained for so long to do this job but it was horrible and made me cry (at home) often.

Now I am still an Architect at a different firm. I work exactly 37.5 hours a week, get paid more than I ever did before and the place is genuinely a lovely team to be part of. I thoroughly enjoy my job.

Don’t underestimate how changing the workplace can make such a difference.

Is the pressure from you or from others? Are collegues supportive?

I take work very personally and get stressed whatever I do! If the pressure is internal rather than external talking to a coach might help.

Thank you. One of the responses said this:
'Ultimately, for me, it came down to what people might think of me, or say about me if I didn't deliver on time.'

Yes I think this is a big part of it. So it's in a way pressure on myself. Also the fear of getting fired - I was made redundant previously and it took a long time to find a new suitable role.

I have a coach actually although that is quite new. I will be finding a therapist too.

My colleagues are supportive but the others at my level have also been there a lot longer, are all male and a fair bit older than me. I worry they will think I don't know what I'm doing. My boss is ok but not at all tolerant of people who can't deal with the pressure. He would probably try and manage me out if he felt I wasn't coping. Having said that I think it's a generally good fit culturally and I really like a lot of the people I work with, I like the autonomy and I like the job (in theory) and what the business does.

I need to work out how to become one of those people referred to above who can deal with it, leave mostly on time and not stress more than is normal.

I should also say that I earn a lot more than my partner which adds to the pressure. Not millions! I'd say I'm driven more by achievement/status than money really but of course we need the money more.

I'm in a similar position. Same level or similar. In a male dominated industry and company. We have no female senior level management.

Pressure to hit targets but the more you gain the more you have to manage.

I've stepped back and now I log off bang on my clocking off time. I work from home.

I think it's a case of something breaking for customers before anything will change or breaking me managing it all.

It's not going to break me. I'm not going flat out anymore now because it's just not appreciated and it can't be maintained everyday. It's taken me a long time to realise that until something changes with the set up internally then it's a kicking to nowhere anyway. Nothing will change until they are forced to.

Or they will manage me out 🤷🏻‍♀️.

My line manager agrees but does nothing really to support our team and our issues.

You have to learn not to care. My mantra has become "what's the worst that can happen? "

It usually isn't really that bad

You've worked really hard to get to what? A position where your mental health is at rock bottom and your relationships are being affected?

I think it's time to put yourself first and find a role that you actually enjoy and let your mind have time to rest. You deserve happiness. Whether a job is senior or not is irrelevant. All the best

Such a good post and has given me something to thing about