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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable? I can't shake off the feeling

26 replies

Sarahdev40 · 17/08/2023 14:56

Hi,

I'm married, two children one has grown up and left home, the other is 9. I own my own home with my husband.

My brother is married with two small children. He owns his own home.

We have both, over the years both borrowed money from our parents to buy our homes. and repay this with favourable interest. I currently owe £100k, he owes £380k. I pay regular monthly payments, he pays adhoc.

My parents bought an investment rental property about 14 years ago, which was put in my brothers name to avoid stamp duty, they chose the house and I found the tenants (the same tenants are still in there) Somehow, in the last 10 years, this has become my brothers and the initial purchase price (which was way less than its value now!) was added to his lending, so he owes them half a million. Of course, this debt has reduced because the rental income pays it. I only found out about this arrangement by accident when asking for a copy of what we still owed, and his borrowings were on there too, inc the rental.

I can't seem to get anyone (brother or parents) to understand why i'm annoyed about this, and that this debt for an investment (which someone else is repaying - the tenants) is not the same as the debt for the homes we live in.

Does anyone have any pearls of widsom? Its driving me crazy because its so unfair IMO.

Thanks,
Sarah

OP posts:
Hufflepods · 17/08/2023 15:43

Unless you have asked to borrow more money and they have said no, in favour of lending it to your brother then I don't fully see what you are so upset over?

TheFlis12345 · 17/08/2023 15:49

The OP is annoyed because her brother has essentially been gifted a rental flat (it was put in his name and the rent is repaying the debt on it).

Builtlikeaflipflop · 17/08/2023 15:50

Sarah you are being unreasonable - how fortunate you have been to have a mum and dad who helped you into the property ladder and own your own home. Be grateful for what you have and stop worrying about your Brother.

Sirzy · 17/08/2023 15:53

I think you should both be thankful for the help you have had rather than worrying about what the other has

Original poster
Sarahdev40 · 17/08/2023 16:16

Essentially it feels like my brother is getting his inheritance early, whereas I have not been afforded the same luxury. I'll never be in the same position as him because he has been given a fully funded rental property alongside the money we've borrowed for our 'homes'.

I feel extremely fortunate to have been able to borrow at favourable interest rates, I do also have a mortgage with the bank on my home.

I did ask my parents if I could borrow £100k to buy a commercial premises about 4 years ago and they said they couldn't afford it. Roll forward to this year, and they've lent the same amount to my brother when he wanted to move to a bigger house. Their financial situation has not changed in 4 years.

I know he is the favoured son, and he's quite good at manipulating situations to his benefit, whereas I dont take the piss.

There is no way he will have repaid his half a mill before they pass away, and there is nothing in any will to say what he has had versus what I have had, so I've got to trust his word.... which isn't very easy when hes managed to get his hands on the rental property without me knowing.

OP posts:
BarnacleBeasley · 17/08/2023 16:24

Does he pay tax on the rental income, or do they? Do they charge him interest on the loan? For inheritance tax purposes, the rental property might still be considered part of their estate if they are benefiting from it by receiving the rental income. Or the money used to buy it would be part of their estate if it is obviously a loan and not a gift because they are receiving repayments. There are records of this, as you say in your OP.

Original poster
Sarahdev40 · 17/08/2023 16:34

There is nothing in writing, my brother pays tax on the rental income, he's set up a ltd company for that. As far as anyone in authority is concerned the house is my brothers, and repayments to my parents are made in cash, so there is nothing about it being gifted or a loan. Its only an spreadsheet which my brother maintains that I have seen that gives the story.

IMO this house is my parents, they should have been recieving the rent every month for the last 15 years = £75k after tax (which was why it was bought in the first place) and they should still own the equity, which is now £220k.
Then when my parents are no longer here that property is shared between my brother and I, still rented out and split the income, or sold and split the proceeds. As it stands now, I'm at a disadvantage because I managed to get on the property ladder before any of this gifting was going on.

OP posts:
Cloudsandrainnotsunandsand · 17/08/2023 16:38

What happens if they die and he still owes them?

Original poster
Sarahdev40 · 17/08/2023 16:42

Disadvantaged by £110k as it stands, likely more in years to come, just with the rental.

Plus the fact that I am paying a mortgage at 5% interest, and my brother is paying my parents at 1.5% interest, and doesn't even repay enough in a year to cover the interest, but it doesn't matter because he knows he will never repay it.

Maybe i'm just being a spoilt brat!! But I have two kids and I wouldn't treat my two any differently.

Its not like my brother can't get a mortgage, he and his wife are both higher rate tax payers... he just chooses not to and he's allowed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarahdev40 · 17/08/2023 16:44

Cloudsandrain, who knows, I mean theres nothing in their wills to compensate because they assume he will make it right. But if making it right means selling his family home, thats not going to happen, and I dont think i'd want to make him because I'm not like that.
My parents have their own house, and assets, so it may not be necessary to level up, but I cant but feel like i'm being taken for a fool.

OP posts:
randomusernam · 17/08/2023 16:44

I would stop paying until your brothers debt is also at 100k. It sounds very unfair to me and I'd be pointing it out to my parents what you have said here. That there is no way this will be repaid before they die and he has therefore had a massive amount more than you because when they pass the estate will be split 50/50. He is also having the benefit of owing a second home. He also been given something you were denied by them giving him 100k to buy a bigger house but wouldn't give you the money to a commercial. I would take the money you were paying them and put it towards paying off your mortgage early. Then you might be a better position.

I've had similar things with my parents, somehow my sister is the poor child who gets pay outs here and there. Where as I don't ask for money as I see myself as an adult who should pay her own bills. It came to a head recently where she needed £500 for dental work and I had just had to pay out close to £800 to fix my car. I paid the money and didn't ask my m+d for anything. My sister asked them for the money for her teeth as she couldn't afford it. Even though she pays £100 a month for tv and take aways every week. Where as we don't so we can have some savings for emergencies. In the end my dad sent me £500. Which I said wasn't my goal. I just wanted to point out how unfair it was and how they should make her stand on her own two feet a bit more.
They saw my point but said how are we supposed to leave our daughter in pain with her teeth.

Hopingforagreatescape · 17/08/2023 16:45

Makes me very cross when parents treat their children differently. If you can, can you write it all out for them, very clearly, to show how much more he is benefitting than you? And ask them why they feel comfortable with that. I realise that this is easier said than done though.

Original poster
Sarahdev40 · 17/08/2023 16:48

randomuser,

I just dont get the logic in your situation or mine.
My brother goes on holiday, eats out etc, yet he added £5k onto his borrowings recently to buy a new car.
I havent been on holiday since 2016, I eat out when I can afford it, and I saved up to buy my car.....
Maybe we're the fools :((

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarahdev40 · 17/08/2023 16:50

Hopingforagreatescape,

I think I need to do that, in a format that is simple to understand. Maybe it was their intention to treat him differently, but I don't think they get it at all.
My brother is in finance and they seem to think if its anything to do with money, he must know best.....

OP posts:
Trixiefirecracker · 17/08/2023 16:52

my parents left everything to my brother. Now that really ducking hurt. Be grateful you have what you have, many less fortunate out there.

StinkyWizzleteets · 17/08/2023 17:04

Has sibling rivalry always been a feature of you’re relationship with your brother?

What you’re complaining about here is him getting more of an inheritance when your parents die. However given the sums of money being thrown about I’m guessing you’ll get a sizeable sum regardless and that an extra £200k isn’t going to make a huge difference.

Maybe your parents will sell everything and blow it all on holidays, hookers and cocaine for themselves. It’s their money and they get to choose what to do with it. You are not entitled to it

Cherryana · 17/08/2023 17:05

It might help to go to your parents with it written down in a table - so they can actually see the inequality?

Sinead4ever · 17/08/2023 17:28

Re-read this - i was going to say ask for some more money but sounds like that isnt an opotuon - I would stop paying back and if your parents ask you why explain - tbh when one child is the golden child not loads you can do - they will I suspect justify it to themselves somehow

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 17/08/2023 17:30

StinkyWizzleteets · 17/08/2023 17:04

Has sibling rivalry always been a feature of you’re relationship with your brother?

What you’re complaining about here is him getting more of an inheritance when your parents die. However given the sums of money being thrown about I’m guessing you’ll get a sizeable sum regardless and that an extra £200k isn’t going to make a huge difference.

Maybe your parents will sell everything and blow it all on holidays, hookers and cocaine for themselves. It’s their money and they get to choose what to do with it. You are not entitled to it

Congrats you win dumbest contribution to the thread.

Callyem · 17/08/2023 17:36

It's clearly unequal, but they must realise this.

Pallisers · 17/08/2023 17:44

Plus the fact that I am paying a mortgage at 5% interest, and my brother is paying my parents at 1.5% interest, and doesn't even repay enough in a year to cover the interest, but it doesn't matter because he knows he will never repay it.

Why don't you simply ask your parents why they are charging you so much more interest than your brother?

I'd be upset too if I felt my only sibling was being favoured over me to such a large extent and no amount of "it's their money and why are you watching what your brother has" would make a difference. It happened in DH's family. One child significantly favoured - huge sum of money. That child had one of the better jobs in the family and lived a very high lifestyle - funded by parents as it turned out. DH didn't need the money but he certainly felt it told him and his other siblings clearly that this was the golden child.

ConstitutionHill · 17/08/2023 18:16

It's clearly unequal and your parents must realise this. Ignore all the posters telling to to take what you get and be thankful.

Like someone said before. Start paying your money back "ad hoc" and maybe miss some payments. See if they notice that.

CKL987 · 17/08/2023 21:25

Can you ask for some borrowing for a rental?

Mountainhowl · 18/08/2023 01:01

Do you know how their assets are to be split in the will? Are they maybe planning to leave you their home instead of splitting it between you?

ItsNotRocketSalad · 18/08/2023 13:27

The only ones I feel sorry for are the tenants. You all sound horribly money-driven, transactional, and petty.