How do I accomodate BF & Cousin?

[pavementsally]

I (25F) am going abroad to visit my (26F) cousin who lives in Spain in 14 days. This holiday has been organised since December and shortly after, BF (31M) & I became an official couple (didn’t initially invite him).

BF eventually asked could he join on the holiday and I checked with my cousin who had the “more the merrier” attitude and officially invited him along. I fly out 3 days before BF so I do have alone time with my cousin to catch-up!

My cousin is a performer but we don’t want to dedicate our holiday to seeing her perform every night. I’ll see her 2/3 days I am there and the 1/3 is her night off so we have a full day and night to let loose.

Out of the 7 days BF is here, I have arranged for 4 days/nights where we don’t meet my cousin and have our own alone time. Personally, I feel this is more than accommodating as he gatecrashed our holiday and I feel slightly guilty that I’m neglecting my cousin.

I told him we would have to go see her perform one night and spend her two days off with her on the island doing fun activities. I tried to reason that they’re both competitive while I’m half arsed with a lot of competitve activities so it would make it more fun! AND.. I’m not a big drinker but they both are!

BF said he “forgot” how much we would be seeing my cousin and has a bit of an attitude because he wants us to have alone time. However, he knew from the get-go that the only reason that I am going on holiday is to see my cousin!

BF says it’s “fine” and gave my itinerary the ok but I was hoping for a better attitude about things. I did speak with my BF and asked was it genuinely ok because if he did have any issues it’s best I am made aware of them now rather when we were on holiday and he said he had none but reiterated he forgot how much time we would be spending with my cousin.

I just have a funny feeling BF is going to have a bit of an attitude abroad and I really don’t want to have to avoid my own cousin to accommodate him any further.

AIBU?

Do NOT let him call the shots, it's your holiday with your cousin. If he doesn't like it he can fly home

Uh-oh! Great big holiday-shaped man-baby problem coming up.

Is it too late to cancel his flight?

Haha too late yes. I’ll keep you all updated

This would be a red flag for me. He's already sulking and trying to control you. I think I'd tell him not to come and eggs the relationship, personally. I'm too old to put up with shit like that any more.

When he sulks ignore him then dump him - why would you want to stay with a man baby?

He asked to join YOUR holiday, he doesn't get to sulk if he doesn't like the plan.

Sit him down, have a frank conversation so he can manage his expectations.

Tell him you won't have any tolerance for him sulking on the holiday when you've been clear the main point of it was to see and spend time with your cousin.

What a man baby.

Also, suggest he plan his own outings if he doesn't like the time-with-cousin plans. You're not his travel agent. If he doesn't like your plans he can google and book his own.

The holiday will be make or break for your relationship I suspect.

I agree with other posters OP. It is YOUR holiday, which your BF gatecrashed, and he definitely shouldn't be spoiling it before you even go away, by sulking because 'he'd forgotten how much time you planned to spend with your cousin'. It sounds to me like he always planned on making the holiday about the two of you, and maybe you'd have been better off telling him that he couldn't come on this holiday as his being there would spoil the dynamic, but understand it's now too late. Therefore at this stage, I think you have to take some responsibility for allowing him to gatecrash, and if he starts sulking or making an atmosphere while you're away, you'll know that he was always trying to control the holiday from the start, and it will be your choice as to whether to dump him, or accept that this is the way he is, and make a conscious choice to put up with it, but I'd hate to see you on here in a couple of years time, moaning that he's always trying to control you.

Controlling SOB coming right up!

He invited himself to your holiday to see your cousin. What was, as I perceive, a girly holiday, full of letting loose and relaxation.

Now he's annoyed at the amount of time you'll be spending with your cousin.

I tell you what OP. Imagine the tables were turned and this was your cousin coming to visit you. What would you seriously think of her bf?