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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so unsure about primary school

92 replies

Feelinghawt · 16/08/2023 18:03

Our closest schools are on the same road as us. One Catholic one church of England.

I was brought up Catholic.

The nearest secular school is a good 15 min drive.

The catholic school is best Ofsted rated in area.

I am so unsure of of a young child being confused about god even though traditionally I was brought up this way. I struggle with imposing this ideologically without their consent. But going to the catholic school for location and for standard of education has it merits.

Has anyone faced this dilemma and what choice did you make? Did you regret it?

OP posts:
whybotheratall · 16/08/2023 18:05

Catholics right now are being put all on the same level with Buddhists and other religions by so called Protestants and free churches, all schools teach RE which includes all other major religions. He won't be brainwashed

modgepodge · 16/08/2023 18:08

My second nearest school is catholic (nearest one I hated) and I loved everything about it except the fact it was catholic. I decided against it for this reason. 2.5 hours a week of compulsory RE, almost all about Catholicism, what a waste of time. I didn’t have such an issue with their values as they’re things like sharing, kindness etc. luckily for me there was another school a 15 minute walk away which I went with. Not sure I’d have wanted a 15 minute drive.

also, I’m not catholic, which was a big factor! Do you consider yourself catholic? there will probably be plenty of non catholics at the school.

Allsweep · 16/08/2023 18:11

Do you even know if you would get in?

The church school across the road from our old house basically only took regular church goers

ConnieTucker · 16/08/2023 18:14

most importantly at this stage you need to examine the admissions criteria for each school.

Andanotherone01 · 16/08/2023 18:22

modgepodge · 16/08/2023 18:08

My second nearest school is catholic (nearest one I hated) and I loved everything about it except the fact it was catholic. I decided against it for this reason. 2.5 hours a week of compulsory RE, almost all about Catholicism, what a waste of time. I didn’t have such an issue with their values as they’re things like sharing, kindness etc. luckily for me there was another school a 15 minute walk away which I went with. Not sure I’d have wanted a 15 minute drive.

also, I’m not catholic, which was a big factor! Do you consider yourself catholic? there will probably be plenty of non catholics at the school.

I’m sure all the actually practicing Catholics were glad you decided against the school. No one likes their religion sneered at, thanks.

Original poster
Feelinghawt · 16/08/2023 18:28

My DC was baptised so this would help with admission. Mostly for family tradition. As a mother starting a fresh with a new human, I'm just unsure what to decide for them in their best interest. It seems such a huge responsibility

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 16/08/2023 18:29

Look carefully ar the admissions criteria. Catholic schools especially can be very tricky to get in to. CofE is more of a mixed bag as they are often just the local school which is CofE for historic reasons (the church started schools before the state did.)

Schools vary greatly in their religious outlook as well. For some its the odd hymn, the vicar visiting at Easter and Christmas but otherwise barely mentioned. At the other end of the extreme you get several prayers daily, preparation for holy communion and its a regular presence.

Frosty1000 · 16/08/2023 18:32

I'm not religious at all, hubby brought up a Catholic and went to catholic school up to when he was 16 and hated it.

However we had a choice of primary school for our DC, one was c of e and the other not religious at all.

We choose the first one and boy are we glad we did as it's superb compared with what I've heard about the other one.

Yes they have worship as opposed to assembly and do RE, but it's the curriculum so they'll do it anyway. I have no evidence of the religion side of things being rammed down their throats or forced and all I'll say is that good morals are being taught.

PicaK · 16/08/2023 18:34

When was the ofsted? If within last 18 months then it's a reliable indicator. Before that, ignore it - the criteria have changed for assessment.
Request the last full year of Governor Meeting minutes and Head's Reports to the Governors. For both schools and compare. That will tell you a lot.
The job of Catholic schools is to promote Catholicism. Download the Diocese's guide to being a governor if you doubt this.

Smartiepants79 · 16/08/2023 18:35

Your DC spends more hours with you then they do at school. Most of what shapes a child comes form it’s parents.
If you don’t attend mass, don’t believe and speak to your child about it in a sensible way - some people believe etc etc… they are not going to be brain washed.

Original poster
Feelinghawt · 16/08/2023 18:37

Interesting. This is all so helpful and informative about how and why our decision should be made. Thank you all

OP posts:
BrunchBunch · 16/08/2023 18:58

It's worth going to see them. in my area, the Catholic schools are full-on religious, prayers 3x a day, lots of RE, preparation for first communion etc which they do as a class (non Catholics sit out, but they'd feel left out). Mass at various times; parents encouraged to attend the school mass a couple of times a term, so you might also feel a little out of the parents group if that was how and when they socialised.

The C of E schools here vary - a few are reasonably religious, but nowhere near as much as the catholic ones, and many are hardly religious at all, just in a general sense of values and a few readings/prayers/songs at assembly.

In other places, I imagine it's quite different. So worth checking out the specific schools in question to see how big a part the religious aspect is.

Eachpeachpears · 16/08/2023 19:16

I was bought up in a strict Catholic household and attended Catholic school up to age 16. I hated it. And as a result I've steered clear of any religious influence on my children. I was passionate about them not attending a religious setting as I hope to raise well rounded people and I felt my education was religion heavy and not necessarily open to other religions in it's approach to RE for example.
RE was a subject I excelled in but purely because it was drummed into me at a young age. For my children I would much rather this time is used in a more useful way.
When choosing their school (which Ds is due to start shortly) especially loved the approach to diversity and this is something that was important to me as it wasn't something I learnt about through school to the extent I should. I also am passionate about reading and the chosen school is very big on reading too so that shone to me.
My advice would be decide what you're passionate about your children learning at a young age and look around the schools which are an option and assess which one you feel is more suited to your family values.

NoPazuzu · 16/08/2023 22:47

whybotheratall · 16/08/2023 18:05

Catholics right now are being put all on the same level with Buddhists and other religions by so called Protestants and free churches, all schools teach RE which includes all other major religions. He won't be brainwashed

Why wouldn't Catholicism be on the same level as Buddhism?

whybotheratall · 17/08/2023 13:05

NoPazuzu · Yesterday 22:47
whybotheratall · Yesterday 18:05

Catholics right now are being put all on the same level with Buddhists and other religions by so called Protestants and free churches, all schools teach RE which includes all other major religions. He won't be brainwashed
Why wouldn't Catholicism be on the same level as Buddhism?

it means that all non catholic christians regard catholicism as not a christianity but another form of just any religion , so your child won't be brainwashed but taught all other religions also

whybotheratall · 17/08/2023 13:07

Remember the anticatholic thread recently here - it is here for a reason and I do not say it is a good reason, but mumsnet users well reveal and make sure show what ticks them and what not. So catholicism is just another religion, why is this hard to comprehend

Jamtartforme · 17/08/2023 13:09

Goody, another ‘let’s slag off Catholics’ thread. If you don’t want to send your kid to a Catholic school then don’t, it’s that simple isn’t it?

NoPazuzu · 17/08/2023 13:10

whybotheratall · 17/08/2023 13:05

NoPazuzu · Yesterday 22:47
whybotheratall · Yesterday 18:05

Catholics right now are being put all on the same level with Buddhists and other religions by so called Protestants and free churches, all schools teach RE which includes all other major religions. He won't be brainwashed
Why wouldn't Catholicism be on the same level as Buddhism?

it means that all non catholic christians regard catholicism as not a christianity but another form of just any religion , so your child won't be brainwashed but taught all other religions also

All non-Catholics? You really think every single protestant doesn't think Catholics are Christian? And what are so-called protestants?

NoPazuzu · 17/08/2023 13:11

Jamtartforme · 17/08/2023 13:09

Goody, another ‘let’s slag off Catholics’ thread. If you don’t want to send your kid to a Catholic school then don’t, it’s that simple isn’t it?

Who on this thread is slagging off catholics?

whybotheratall · 17/08/2023 13:17

it is, anytime they start thread like that is always about a form of christianity. Have you seen any such other thread about any other religion?! - no, They won't dare because mumnet will erase it as soon as it appears.

Mischance · 17/08/2023 13:18

How iniquitous it is that these schools are state-funded and for some it is very hard to find a non-aligned school within reasonable distance of their home.

For those who say it is not rammed down the children's throats, I say that it may not be overtly, but their religion will be taught and practised as real truth but other religions as what some people believe. It may seem a subtle distinction, but it is an important one. Children need know when they go from a maths class, where facts are taught, to an RE lesson where they are taught that what they are hearing is belief not fact.

My DGS goes to a CofE school because that is the only available school in the village - at least half an hour drive to the next primary school - and he has said very clearly that when he goes to secondary he does not want to go to a religious school - this has come directly from him - no-one has commented on the religious content of his school life. He has picked up that he does not like this indoctrination.

whybotheratall · 17/08/2023 13:19

so a catholic school will brainwash your child but any other school won't , this is modern Britain, all religions are well respected and taught. What the heck in this obsession with constant bashing christians or catholics?!

Jamtartforme · 17/08/2023 13:21

whybotheratall · 17/08/2023 13:19

so a catholic school will brainwash your child but any other school won't , this is modern Britain, all religions are well respected and taught. What the heck in this obsession with constant bashing christians or catholics?!

I agree. The tone is always ‘I want to send my kid to this excellent school but YUCK Catholic religion, when we’re much too cool and progressive for that’.

Just don’t send them if you don’t want to.

Sometimeswinning · 17/08/2023 13:22

Feelinghawt · 16/08/2023 18:28

My DC was baptised so this would help with admission. Mostly for family tradition. As a mother starting a fresh with a new human, I'm just unsure what to decide for them in their best interest. It seems such a huge responsibility

Kind of goes against your idea about imposing and consent. Not sure you're being completely genuine in your concern.

NoPazuzu · 17/08/2023 13:24

whybotheratall · 17/08/2023 13:17

it is, anytime they start thread like that is always about a form of christianity. Have you seen any such other thread about any other religion?! - no, They won't dare because mumnet will erase it as soon as it appears.

Yes I've seen plenty.