To want DSS to live with us?

[PurpleRains]

DSS14 is not doing well at school and has fallen in with the wrong crowd. His Mum & SF have been married for years and home life is stable afaik. His Mum half-suggested he come live with us, change school etc. Originally we said no, we felt he would be bored, we don’t have much room, local secondary is not great. But after two weeks staying with us, I’m starting to think it might work, and I’d really like to help him.

DSS relationship with DP is good but not strong. And I realise at 14 he has a say too. AIBU even considering this?

Is he about to start year 10? As it's the start of GCSE course, it needs to be now if it's going to happen.
Your h sounds like a problem. Is he willing to put in the work and not leave everything to you?

At 12 and 14 my ds's came to live full time with us. Best decision made ever. And it was their decision.. My dh actually went to collect their stuff from their df's... Dc now 20 and 22...

If his dad is prepared to put the effort it also and his mum is still happy for this to happen it could be a great change for him. It could help him bond with his dad more (it could of course be the opposite as well depending what their relationship is like).

But it should happen quickly as it would be better for him to start in a new school in September rather than change midway through the school year.

Yes, I’m conscious that it needs to be sooner rather than later if it is to happen due to school year.

Has your local school actually got space?

Good point! Would I be able to find this out during school holidays? Obviously there’s no point suggesting it if not.

I’ve made an initial enquiry just to check that before going to far, thank you.

Speak to your DP, as he needs to be totally on board. If he is, go back to his Mum for her reaction. If she's serious, then he's at the age where he should have a say in where he wants to be. I guess he'll be reluctant to leave his present school with friends, but no harm in gently pointing out the positives and how both sides can help it work for him.

Council will still be open during school holidays. Ring and check if there is a school place available before offering DSS to come to live with you.

School transfer took less than 2 weeks. Dm will need to sign also mind...