My sister (aged 46 almost) has been working away in America for 12m. We see her intermittently when she comes home and provide her with an address here for post etc
She came back in May and announced that she is getting married. We weren't expecting it at all as she's been with the boyfriend less than a year but apparently my dad knew some time in advance
I'm delighted for her even though it means she will be moving there permanently and we will hardly see her
She then said the wedding is in October THIS year and in America. And it was already booked and sorted. That's the date 'make it if you can'
Both my dad and ourselves already had a holiday booked which overlaps that weekend. My dad has just cancelled his. ours has been paid for by my inlaws whom we live with. Therefore not so easy to say sorry about your £4000 you've spent on us. We've left this holiday running because if we can't get visas we may as well still go.
the wedding is not in school holidays and would need time off to get there and our eldest is doing GCSE and we also have already committed (only in April) to a US Disney holiday in Feb 2024. It's costing 12k and we've been saving for a year already for it. we did ask in feb this year if sister and then boyfriend would like to join us before booking etc so she knew we were committing this kind of money. A further trip in october is 1k EACH for flights plus accomodation, food, outfits etc etc etc - likely another 8k
This is the killer though we now need visas as we went to Cuba in 2021 before Trump brought in a new rule about travelling there. We can't go on an esta
We applied immediately for visas in May. The wait for an appt was 7m plus then you have to wait for the visa to be sent. I have rung the visa office, begged, offered to pay etc etc etc
I can't get an earlier appt than 3 November.
Every day multiple times I check for cancellations - nothing.
They told me i should have applied in feb to be certain of getting one or march at latest and that would have been cutting it fine.
I hoped, worse case scenario, that just i could go but I can't get a visa
I was hassled for numbers for the wedding in July and I have warned her all the way along since the moment they told us that we needed visas.
I've had to say it doesn't look like we can get them and if she needs definite numbers then we will have to say no
I've now had a horrible ranting message from her saying we have 'chosen' not to come and the holiday with our inlaws is more important to us and we always chose other things over her and that we should drop everything in our lives to bend over backwards and how would my dead mother feel.
Just bitchy and horrible.
She also accused me of never saying I wanted to go and that we have made no effort. Luckily have WhatsApp message contradicting this and showing I have said just these things!
The reason she has given for choosing things over her is that at Christmas she came home (at short notice) and we went to our works Christmas party which was booked the previous May and as we are the bosses we can't really then just cancel) it's our business and we are self employed relying on our employees etc
I cancelled a days work to go and empty sisters storage unit for her last month so that my dad could stop paying for it (yes my dad was paying for it!). I didnt have to and willingly offered
If we cannot get visas we were going to suggest she had an event here in the UK for friends and family who could not travel (we have an elderly aunt and uncle who cant travel and a load of cousins who haven't been invited and she must have friends here who can't go). We were happy to host this. I haven't even mentioned it now
Sister says we are using the visas as an excuse! I cannot help the visa situation and I promised her I would do my best to be there and I have but I just cannot get an appt. The visa office lady when I rang yet again last week said to me 'your sister should know all about visas if she's living over there and should have given you time to sort it'. They make no exceptions for family weddings/babies or events
And obviously it's not a state wedding 🙄
My sister and therefore my dad who she has moaned to on the phone feel this is all my fault.
She's caused a massive argument with my dad who blames me for everything even though I had no control over the date and definitely no control over the visa office
I don't know what else I could do with such short notice
The forums about Disney and visas are all full of people struggling to get appointments. I'm not the only one
added to this we've had no formal invite
I don't even know what the details are or where it us other than a state in america and a date in October
Both my husband and I feel that if she really wanted us there she would have given us more warning. She told my dad earlier and she certainly knew before we booked our Disney trip That she was planning this. We would have delayed disney and sorted visas if we had known.
Sister has no children and not been married before, also owns no house nor has any committments and a flexible job and can take time off work at the drop of a hat
I get it's her wedding, she's excited, has a vision and things are not conforming to that vision now so she is now disappointed and upset but I'm really upset too and being blamed entirely.
My kids will miss out on what is an important family event and I just feel if we'd been told before they booked it all we could have said straight off that visas would be the sticking point and she could have decided if she wanted us there or not Before she booked the date.
AIBU thinking that or should I have done something else to get a visa in just under 5 months??? what else could i have done? There is no way I can travel without a visa obviously! I'm being told from all sides that this is all my fault. I'm so upset I'm going to have to miss my only siblings wedding