Age gaps between kids? Is there a gap too big?

[Sheepsheepie]

I think I’m overthinking but would like to see what others opinions are.

Age gap between the oldest and youngest (regardless of number of children) is there a gap too big? When you have 6-10 years that’s children in completely different stages of life, making days out more difficult.

I was an older child in a big family and felt
left out / ignored as the younger children took priority.

I would love another child but I keep thinking about the impact on my eldest. It almost puts their childhood on pause for example theme parks, skiing or adventures holidays can’t really be done with a young child. They then have to wait to the youngest to be a certain age.

Is this crazy? I wonder how much I’m clouded by my own childhood rather than reality

Our eldest is 10, also have a 2.5 year old and currently pregnant with our youngest who is due next month. Eldest loves playing with her 2.5yo sibling, adorable seeing how much they love each other, altho they do at times annoy each other (as most siblings do, regardless of age gap). If you really want another child, I would say go for it! Close age is never a guarantee of a good sibling relationship anyway. I'm much closer to my 4.5 years younger sibling than I am to my 2 years older sibling. 🤷

My eldest is 15 and younger two 5 & 1.

The only things we do they all enjoy are zoos or going out for breakfast.

I prioritise spending time with each of them individually and I've taken my eldest on a couple of city breaks just the two of us.

Last year I dropped him and a friend off at Thorpe park and took the middle one to LEGOLAND. There's ways of doing it 😊

Me and my siblings are 16 and 12 years apart. I think it was a big enough difference for it to work. They were independent and old enough to understand that I was little. However, there is no right age gap. Nothing is guaranteed.

I have 2 children, my eldest 14 and my youngest is 2 and I worried about the age gap. Honestly it's been wonderful and they are so close. Sometimes hard when thinking of things to do to keep everyone happy but overall love the age gap!

My mum got really mad at me for describing my older brother, who left for university when I was four, as "more like a young fun uncle". But yeah, I don't have tonnes of memories of living with him.

I had an almost three-year but actually two school years age gap with my sister and it was a pain in the arse because she was always mega angsty about her exams, and the ones I was doing at the same time weren't as important as hers.

So my message is: 1) don't put any expectations on their relationship and 2) don't let the older ones be superior pricks!

My dsis is 13 years younger than me. We had a different kind of sibling relationship - I used to look after her after school, I took her to the cinema to see the kids films I wanted to watch and I taught her to swim - but we had a lot of fun and we're still very close as adults. My dc love having a young aunt too.

My db, on the other hand, is only 2 years older than me and we spent as much time fighting as we did playing together. We have more shared experiences from growing up but I wouldn't say our relationship is better for being closer in age.

I had a 23 year age gap between my 2dd's.
I'd forgotten how to make a bottle and change a nappy 😂😂

My DP has a sister that 16 years older then him. They are very close but their relationship sounded more like a nephew aunt.

I have siblings 2,5 and 8 years older, we all fought like cats and dogs.

There is 8 and 10 years between DSS and my 2 sons. We have always tried to prioritised time with each and DSS gets on great with the little ones.

I have three children - DD 20, DS 17 & DS 6.
PROS: Loving relationship between all three. The olders get the chance to do fun 'little kid' stuff without irony. Extra helping hands when needed (not to their detriment obv). They love to 'show off' their little brother. They love showing him and teaching him things from when they were little. DS6 has amazing vocab and understanding.
CONS: Difficult to get me-time; sometimes feel as if I am spreading myself soooo thin (which is ironic given the size of my tush!) DS6 sometimes over-stimulated, and gets frustrated that he isn't grown up too! The olders sometimes get overwhelmed by his attention (always make sure I intervene when that happens).
SUMMARY: Our family line up wasn't exactly planned, and it can be difficult to juggle, but honestly - it is amazing and I wouldn't change it.

We have a 7 year age gap, currently 10 & 3

It is hard doing fun stuff as a family, we've found the youngest can't do trampolining, rock walls, Lazer quest, go karts, or we'd have to book a special toddler only session/he would be limited to specific toddler areas. Eldest is now too tall for many soft play centres

There are lots of things we can do as a family though, beach days, hiking/mountain days, paddleboarding we can all do (we bought the toddler a wetsuit and life jacket, most hire places don't go that small), theme parks my eldest is a wuss so they're pretty much on the same rides 😂 also inflata-nation has a tick box to say you've read the recommendations but would like your whole family together in the main area and you take responsibility for this (more places should have this option, my toddler can hold his own better than the 10yo 😂)

You could absolutely ski/snowboard with a toddler though assuming you were proficient yourself, have you seen chasing sage on reels/tiktok, she's amazing!

When you get to very big age gaps though, the eldest is too old to be involved in days out anyway so no need to try to please them all. There's a 22 year gap between my eldest and youngest. But the eldest does his own thing, though he hangs out with the younger dc at home and sometimes comes on holiday with us. So there is probably a gap where it gets harder because the eldest is too old for kid's activities but then a bigger gap ends up being easier because they are old enough not to be dragged around with the younger ones (doesn't have to be as big as 23 years, maybe 15?).

This is quite the hot topic, I've seen this thread at least 3 times this week

Is there a reason?

I would say it's the middle gaps that are more difficult. 7 years can cause a lot of resentment from the older one, but once the gap is 17 or 18that passes away.

It's impossible to generalise- but there are 14 years between me and my favourite sibling.

I have relatives with a 32 year gap between DC1 and DC4.

And there are 5 years between my two and they are very good friends.

Me and my sibling have nearly a 10 year gap and it was fine, there were things that we did catering more towards each of our ages but it generally balanced out. I would be concerned about having 1 kid with a big age gap from multiple other kids though, as it feels like the family dynamic would end up being focused on the needs/preferences of the majority e.g two little kids so the older one always ends up having to go along with babyish stuff because they are 'outvoted' or two kids can are old enough to do independant activities together but the youngest is excluded.

I have a 13 and 11 year age gap between my two DDs and my DS. I actually have found this better than having my eldest two close together.
They liked most of the same things and even now will swap clothes, do each other's hair and make up but the constant fighting and bickering, the jealousy and wanting my attention drove me insane.
They adore DS and do spoil him and tbh finding things to do isn't too bad. They all love swimming and animals so we do a lot of zoo and animal park visits.
Alternatively either me or DH will take the toddler to one place and the other will take our older ones somewhere else and then we meet for food later.
10, 8 and 5 years between me and older siblings. Don't remember it causing massive issues but I think they did a lot of split parenting until I was about 7

I’ve been wondering about that as my 2 have a 2.5 year gap/3 school years (which is ideal imo), but we’re thinking of trying for another which would mean the kids would be 6 and 3.5 assuming I conceived quickly. The 3.5 gap is fine obviously but wondering if the 6 year gap oldest to youngest might make things hard. I’m one of 3 but my sisters are twins so didn’t have this issue!

Between my eldest sister and youngest brother I think there's about 25 years. My mum and her brother 11 years. My daughter and my son 8 years.

I'm 16 years older than my little brother and 11/13 years older than my little sisters.

It is a different dynamic, but it's definitely improved as everyone got older.

i'm closer to my brother who is 13 years older than my sister who is 2 years younger. i think it comes down to personalities, me and my sis rub each other the wrong way and always have whereas me and my bro just get each other.

@VisionsOfSplendour i wonder if it’s because women are having larger age gaps between kids due to more being in the work force? It’s harder to have 1.5-2 year age gaps?

Plus it’s end of the summer holidays so reminiscing over the baby years, how kids are moving up another school year etc brings up a lot of memories

It just goes to show you don’t know how it’ll go. I’m so surprised by some of the negative experiences some people have had. One of the reasons I’m not so concerned about my son having a big age gap with a possible future sibling is because of my experience.

My only sibling is 9 years older than me and she’s absolutely wonderful. I adored her as a child. We have different dads, and she always wanted a little sister. When I was little she told me that she wished upon a star for me to be born- no one had ever made me feel as special as she does. Of course we argued from time to time, and I often got kicked out of her room when she was a teen. However, when I had nightmares in the night, her bed was the place I’d go to be safe and she’d always spend time comforting and reassuring me. She was a mini-mum, as in she was protective and offered a lot of guidance, but we also had lots of fun being silly together as siblings- especially from the ages of 8 (me)/ 17 (her). She is a best-friend, sister, and mother figure rolled into one. I remember actually feeling jealous at the idea of my mum having another child because I’d have to share my sister.

The only downside is that I would absolutely devastated when she left for uni when I was 9 (her 18). I was so lonely in the house with just my mum. I would go as far as to say that was the first time I felt depressed. Because of this, if I had another child with a big gap I would also have to have another close in age.