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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried that ex’s ex is calling social services on me?

19 replies

Phenominaltrifler · 16/08/2023 07:57

So long story short. I split up with ex a while ago and he had a new girlfriend immediately. He has always been thoroughly unpleasant which is why I left him and she seems to be just as bad but I’ve had no concerns with the treatment of the kids just towards me. I’ve got a detailed list of things that they’ve done since they were together such as recording me at pick ups and drop offs to intimidate me, fabricating complete lies, accusing me of neglect because my daughter had one small hole In The knee of her leggings (lol) refusing to pay child maintanance and dropping the kids at last minute.

a few months ago she rang me as they’d had a falling out and told me the house was dirty and she was doing the majority of the looking after of the kids and I was pleasant as I wanted to know what was going on. They obviously made up asap and I told him that the house needed to be in a fit state for the kids to go back and he needed to take on the parental responsibility. He assured me that he’s turned everything around and was improving and that was the condition of his girlfriend staying.

fast forward to about a month ago they’ve split with police involvement for fighting each other and she is gone for good. They are both accusing each other of all sorts and have had the police involved for communicating to each other harassing each other. I have told him that the kids will only come over if she is nowhere near and any concerns then it will stop until the courts. He sees then 2 nights a fortnight and he’s sent me photos of his house, which looks fine he’s had friends and family come over and help sort everything out etc.

yesterday she’s now messaged me a torrent of messages about how the house is dirty and he doesn’t do anything with the kids. She’s sent me photos of his house in a state which if I’d have seen at the time I wouldn’t have been happy. Mouldy plates etc. From what I gather these are the photos she took when she first phoned me up and it’s improved a trillion percent but I have messaged him and told him that I will need to come in and see before they next come over and he can just offer me a cup of tea just so I can have a peak and make sure it’s fine for the kids. He’s not happy about it but I insisted, but I told her I was not going to interact with her because she’s honestly nasty. She’s accused me of neglecting the kids because I’m not intervening and that she’s calling social services on the pair of us. I’ve been awake all night long and I’m so worried.

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 16/08/2023 08:10

How old are the kids.

Phenominaltrifler · 16/08/2023 08:11

@tescocreditcard 5 and 6

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 16/08/2023 08:14

I think social services won't care as long as they're fed and not hit lol.

Phenominaltrifler · 16/08/2023 08:16

@tescocreditcard yeah I know. It’s just been such a stressful ordeal. He had social services ring him up a couple of weeks ago because he had police involved (kids weren’t there)

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 16/08/2023 08:19

Sounds like she's being spiteful and malicious. I would block her and stop all communication if it were my kids.

FedUpMumof10YO · 16/08/2023 08:20

What an absolute delight the pair of them sound.

Don't worry, SS haven't got time for the cases they have got. Let alone anything else. If anyone is investigate, it will be him.

Keep your messages as evidence on the off chance they do appear.

Fuckingfuming1 · 16/08/2023 08:22

Yo

AnSolas · 16/08/2023 08:37

Your ex's dirty house is not going to directly harm the children.
Its not nice that they would be going from your house to a home with crappy house keeping but from a SS point of view they deal with dirty households where the actual welfare of the children is at risk. Unless you think that your Ex will not feed them and mantain a a minimum standard of hygine etc SS will see this for what it is harrassment of ex by ex partner

Phenominaltrifler · 16/08/2023 08:42

@Fuckingfuming1 ???

OP posts:
Phenominaltrifler · 16/08/2023 08:44

@FedUpMumof10YO honestly it’s been an ordeal. I’ve blocked her and have a detailed interaction of pretty much every time we’ve come into contact as something will happen. It’s exhausting, I just want an easy life

OP posts:
Owjrbvr · 16/08/2023 08:48

Even if she calls social services then they will
talk to you, see that you’ve done everything you can to make sure your kids are ok with their dad, give you any advice about what else could be done and leave it there. Obviously if they get back together you can’t let the children go there when she’s there.

Annaishere · 16/08/2023 09:00

I don’t think they’ll care about a dirty house

Annaishere · 16/08/2023 09:00

Anyway if they did they wouldn’t spend energy on you but with your ex

SavBlancTonight · 16/08/2023 09:05

The problem here is your ex. I guarantee that from the moment he got with this woman he was telling her how crazy you were and unreasonable etc..meanwhile, she was trying to impress and accommodate so probably very quickly was djmped with the dc.

Now their relationship has broken down ans she is angry. But she still believes all the shit he told her about you so she thinks both of you are crazy horrible people.

Seems.to me thay even if.social services did think there was an issue, they wouldn't hold you responsible. They might ask you to reduce the dc contact with their dad though.

Phenominaltrifler · 16/08/2023 09:06

@Owjrbvr thats made me feel a bit better. I would love to just take them completely away as all he’s caused it stress for years but the kids love their dad and I need to give him every opportunity to make it work for the sake of them. But I was questioning whether it was the right thing to do yesterday

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 16/08/2023 09:07

Fuckingfuming1 · 16/08/2023 08:22

Yo

Are you the ex's ex?

Phenominaltrifler · 16/08/2023 09:29

@tescocreditcard hope not, that’d be awkward 😬

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 16/08/2023 11:31

It would also prove what a malicious person she is. Ask mumsnet to check the poster.

Phenominaltrifler · 16/08/2023 13:23

@tescocreditcard how would I do that?

OP posts:
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