Husband doesn't listen!

[Upsidedownagain]

It's not a big thing but I'm so irritated. We are going away tomorrow so this morning I went to buy a few last minute items, including suntan lotion. My grown up dd is also going away separately from us and I knew DH had planned to pick her up from work at 7pm to take her to buy a few things she needs, also including suntan lotion.

So this morning at the shop, having checked the suntan lotion there was cheaper than that at the shop he planned to take dd to, I phoned him to let him know I'd bought her suntan lotion as well as ours. That's the only reason I phoned him and he acknowledged what I had said.

So he came back just now and dd asked why I've bought her suntan lotion (I left it in her room) and I realise DH had also bought her some. I asked (actually ranted at) him if he remembered the phone call and he did but had anything registered? No, of course not.

He is always saying that he has forgotten things I've said, so I don't know why I assumed he had remembered this, silly me. He just doesn't pay attention to me. He is all very nice etc and apologises but I feel it shows a lack of respect. In conversation I might be telling him some news about a friend and suddenly the topic veers to someone he met recently who told him about something else that my anecdote has reminded him of - no response to what I have actually said. Grrr, so annoying. Anyone else?

My husband is exactly the same. Infuriates me

When the things start to affect him that's when he will perhaps start to listen. Or if he tells you something and you forget...

In this situation I would have probably messaged my DD instead as it's her lotion.

I'm afraid I do this. I don't even know I am doing it and I don't know why. My wife has pointed it out, and I can only think that it's because I was concentrating on something else at the moment she told me. This isn't an excuse. I hear the words, I acknowledge the words, but for some reason it doesn't register.

All I can say is that it doesn't happen on purpose, and it isn't a disrespectful thing. I've started writing things down as it seems to go in better. Even if it doesn't go in, I remember that there was a conversation and check back to see what it was I didn't register. Whilst this isn't ideal, it's a start.

Why didn't you tell your daughter direct?

Because she had gone to work by the time I got home from the shop and she is in a customer facing role where she is not supposed to look at her phone, so I only send her 'essential' texts. Afterwards I did think I should have texted her once I knew she had finished work. But then I assumed DH knew anyway.

That's kind of what he said to be fair but when I suggested writing things down he didn't seem to think he could manage that!

The thing is, I do it to everyone and not just my wife. It was her that brought it to my attention. I guess at work there is so much going on that stuff falls through the cracks (not just for me, but for everyone), however at home it is more noticeable. I have really made an effort to focus. Saying all this out loud sounds trite, and is embarrassing even though none of you know me, but it is a real thing.

My wife is trying not to take it personally, and I am trying to be better. Heaven knows she deserves it.

Oh cricket this is now me. Well since peri-menopause entered the building it is… my family and friends now know - if I didn’t right it down it’s not happening. I used to have an making memory for dates, tasks everything… now I can’t recall a conversation from 2 hours ago… and just what did I come in this room for?

I use the notes app on my phone extensively.

we have a family shopping list that’s shared so we can all amend and add notes to it.

shared google calendar (mine as I have 2 businesses and volunteer a lot on top of family commitments) so everyone knows what I can and can’t do social wise…

I have a diary I scribble to do lists in and errands and notes or reminders for myself.