To take away dummies?

[QS90]

Hi, I have a 2 years and 8 months old DS, who loves his dummies. He only has them at night to sleep, or for when he's really upset, such as feverish, has hurt himself or is having his hair washed (which he dispises). Him having them doesn't bother me in itself, and I was waiting for him to self wean BUT...

He has recently had a sleep regression, and is waking several times in the night to basically be bloody difficult and scream the place down for attention. He isn't ill or anything, and is a happy and confident child - I'm certain it's a terrible two's power struggle rather than anything sinister. So we used the "Cry it Out" method last night, which we used before, 8 months ago, and had worked really well until about 10 days ago. Annoyingly, he also insisted on going in his "big boy bed" two nights ago. Before that he'd been in a travel cot, because he's a very active sleeper and kept rolling out the bed when we tried him before (he now has a bolster and no longer falls out). I didn't want him to move beds whilst having a sleep regression, but he wanted to, and my OH thought he should, so I went along with it. He is also potty training, so a LOT going on. The trouble is, because he is now in a cot bed, his dummies keep falling down the back of the bed at night, whereas before they were contained in the travel cot. So last night was absolutely awful, because he lost his dummies (all 6) and so was screaming for them. I think that if we're to do sleep training, we need to ditch the dummies, as otherwise we will be in there all the time picking them up, which obviously you can't do alongside CIO, and anyway is exhausting. But my OH thinks there is already too much else going on. Also, we can use dummies as a "bargaining chip" on occasion, for example he is usually keen to go to bed initially, so he can have his dummies.

It's awful atm - me and OH arguing so much about everything, and we have a 8 month old too, to take into consideration, as he keeps getting woken up aswell (ironically the little baby is a fantastic sleeper).

So am I being unreasonable to add "taking away dummies" to the list of things changing? Or am I reasonable to rip the proverbial band-aid off, to encourage him to sleep through?

Normally I’d say get rid of dummies as they can have a negative impact on the formation of the mouth. However, in this case, I’m not so sure. If you insist on leaving the poor boy to cry it out then I absolutely wouldn’t take away the one thing that gives him comfort.

Of course you could start to parent with a little kindness and accept that your responsibilities to your children don’t end when the sun goes down. Talk to him about maybe saying goodbye to his dummies. And comfort him when he is upset no matter what the time is.

Could you not role up a towel/blanket to create a barrier to stop the dummies from falling down the side?

I think whilst you have it in mind that it is a power struggle rather than seeing it as a little boy who is overwhelmed with lots of changes and developmental strides happening at once then you will see removing his dummies as another way to win the power struggle. I'd alter my view and rather than removing a source of comfort would make every effort to soothe him with dummies and your presence at night.

@wherethelostsocksare We have had periods of going in to comfort him, but the problem with that, is that he expects it more and more, and then can't settle without us. When he was 2 and I was 9 months pregnant, he was wanting us to go in 8 or 9 times a night, which just wasn't feasible once the new baby was born.

@Jamjarcandlestick That's an interesting idea. Or maybe some sort of bumper 🤔Will definitely look at something like that today.

No I wouldn’t take them away given everything else going on and the sleep training. If he’s in a cot bed then stick the spares on the bedside table and leave a night light on.

Poor boy will be upset enough being left to cry it out alone, don’t take away his only source of comfort too. Can’t you just buy a dummy clip that you can attach to his pyjamas?

I wouldn't take them away yet. Maybe have a plastic bowl next to the bed on as small table filled with dummies so he can get a new one if needed. My son gave his nighttime dummies you at nearly 5, he needed that comfort at night. He is 15 now and has no teeth problems so it was differently worth letting her m keep them untill he was ready to give them up.

So maybe it’s the inconsistency. He doesn’t know if he will get comfort or be ignored.

The arrival of a new sibling is a major change for a small child. It’s not surprising he’s unsettled. Personally, I would take the approach of responding whenever he needs you. Then he feels secure and will (hopefully) settle down again. It’s not a quick fix and it does require a lot of input from you but he’s still so small. Bottom line, he needs his parents. The reason cry it out “works” is that children give up because they know no one will come. That’s not something I could ever be ok with.

Okay thanks all - seems pretty unanimous that keeping the dummies is a good thing, so will follow the wisdom there. Will look into dummy clips / bumpers too, today.

I wouldn't be taking dummies away yet if you're potty training. I'd give it another 4 months until Christmas perhaps in terms on Father Christmas took it to a new baby etc in exchange for an amazing present...

Have a look at MAM dummy clips, I used them with my daughter from when she turned 1, right up until we ditched the night time dummies in June at 2y 9m.