To think maybe I don’t want this baby 😔

[Troubledwaters2502]

Hi
I’m going through a really rough time ( 2 kids at home one elder primary school and one bonus son of lower primary school aged )
I am pregnant and we recently lost DP. I am now more than half way through this pregnancy and I feel like I haven’t done anything.
I have not attempted to think of a name / looked at clothes or even attempted to buy a thing.
I found out gender and haven’t even told the family.
its such a contrast to when I was pregnant with DD.
it Just dawned on mt tonight they I’m going to have a baby it’s like I totally “ forgot “ or wanted to forget.
I am so worried that I won’t love it and it’s not going to have the life I imagined :(

I’m so sorry 😞

Bumping this for you 💐

So sorry Op, I read your post and can't imagine what you're going through. Please don't put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way in the circumstances you're in. Of course your baby will be loved, you don't need to imagine their life, one day at a time at the moment ❤

You lost your partner and kids their father (father figure), that's massive. No wonder you haven't had time to think or even enjoy being pregnant or excited about another baby. I hope you get lots of support and love from your family and friends

Bless you, I think anyone would be struggling to muster up all of the "typical" happiness and excitement of pregnancy in your position. I'm very sorry for your loss. You are coping with an awful lot, this sounds like a mental protective mechanism to keep you from being overwhelmed. Has your midwife referred you to the perinatal mental health team? (I would think they should have.) They are usually comparitively well resourced and very supportive.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time..you are just reacting to adverse circumstances, so please try not to worry how you might be reacting or indeed not to things right now.

Maybe, touch base with your family, share your gender news if you want to and get some support.

You've done it before so you know what needs to be done, but you sound as if you are feeling overwhelmed by everything.

It is worth speaking to midwife/GP/other health professional about your mental health and management of it going forward in pregnancy/beyond.

You can do this. X

So sorry, you have every right to feel this way with what you're going through. Sending love x

I felt sort of detached from DS3 when I was pregnant. Didn't want to believe it was happening. Didn't want to plan anything.
After the stillbirth of DS2, I guess I felt sort of like I was betraying him or something to do with new life sort of mocking my grief every day. I don't know. Probably not expressing this very well. Trauma and huge loss have alot to answe for.
Anyway DS3 is now nearly one and after taking his bottle this morning I just sat gazing into his eyes and cuddling and it actually made me cry just thinking how much I love him and how grateful I am that he is here.
Give yourself a chance. You are in the midst of some mega life stuff just now. You can't feel everything all the time. One day at a time. Be kind to yourself. 💐