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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is BU

22 replies

teaorme · 14/08/2023 21:13

Person A has been at work today and is working tomorrow
Person B has been off, with a plan to make a certain dish for tea

A returns home from work, B asks them if they’d like to go on a walk. A says yes. They return from the work at 7:30.

B wants to sit down for 5 minutes before making tea. A has been dropping hints about being hungry all the way around the walk, and has offered to cook the dinner themselves if B would rather not. 4 minutes into the 5 minutes, A stands up and repeats, ‘I’ll just go and get started with tea’. B immediately springs up and says, don’t be so impatient, and goes to make the tea huffing and puffing.

Is A unreasonable for being impatient and not waiting the full 5 minutes, or is B unreasonable for not caring more that their partner is hungry and expecting they would be after a long day at work?

YABU - A unreasonable
YANBU - B unreasonable

OP posts:

Rogue1001MNer · 14/08/2023 21:14

Waterlooville · 14/08/2023 21:16

Depends really. What time do you normally eat? If it's 7 then b isbu, if 9, not so much. How long does dinner take to prep? If it's time intensive then b isbu but if stir-fry or similar so a few mins then not so much.

Traxz · 14/08/2023 21:18

Voted YABU for your person a and b story style, just say who you are and what happened (and awful title)

DarkForces · 14/08/2023 21:19

I'd let A cook their own dinner. Can't abide huffing when I'm doing someone a favour. The word A was looking for is 'thank you'

Changingplace · 14/08/2023 21:21

B should’ve prepped the dinner before they went for a walk since they’d been working at home so must’ve finished earlier, and if I was hungry I’d be irritated by them not just getting on and cooking.

gamerchick · 14/08/2023 21:22

You're U for doing a and b bollocks. Just say who you are man!

CherryMaDeara · 14/08/2023 21:22

I’m hungry after work so would have started cooking much earlier.

How long would the dish take? Sounds like you would have eaten at 9!

I’m with A. B should have just let them cook.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 14/08/2023 21:28

B is unreasonable.

I'd let A cook their own dinner. Can't abide huffing when I'm doing someone a favour. The word A was looking for is 'thank you'

How is it a favour? Presumably A and B are partners / married. Cooking dinner is just a normal part of the daily routine, which hopefully they both do regularly. It's not a favour.

swimminginthesun · 14/08/2023 21:36

If A was that hungry why not suggest a walk after dinner? Five minutes isn’t going to make much difference.

DarkForces · 14/08/2023 21:40

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 14/08/2023 21:28

B is unreasonable.

I'd let A cook their own dinner. Can't abide huffing when I'm doing someone a favour. The word A was looking for is 'thank you'

How is it a favour? Presumably A and B are partners / married. Cooking dinner is just a normal part of the daily routine, which hopefully they both do regularly. It's not a favour.

If someone, including dh, cooks dinner for me I say thank you and am grateful. We share the load but I wouldn't appreciate being nagged about timings. If you can't wait you can sort yourself

Ennyyy · 14/08/2023 21:45

I began by thinking B is unreasonable overall, but A sounds quite annoying with all the hinting and passive aggressive comments about just cooking themselves. I would say A is BU and a little immature.

10HailMarys · 14/08/2023 21:46

A and B both sound petty and passive-aggressive.

BellaJuno · 14/08/2023 21:46

A was too impatient, if they were that hungry they could have a piece of fruit or something until dinner was ready.

cruffinsmuffin · 14/08/2023 21:49

Why would A go on the walk if so starving that 5 minutes waiting was going to cause an issue?

Tbh A was passive aggressive waiting 4 minutes into a 5 minute rest time then making comments about going to get it started.

B probably should have prepped it earlier if possible.

Takacupokindnessyet · 14/08/2023 21:51

DarkForces · 14/08/2023 21:40

If someone, including dh, cooks dinner for me I say thank you and am grateful. We share the load but I wouldn't appreciate being nagged about timings. If you can't wait you can sort yourself

Show quote history

It sounded like A would have done it themselves but B was making a fuss because they wanted to do it but do it at a time convenient to them only.

Original poster

teaorme · 14/08/2023 21:51

Takacupokindnessyet · 14/08/2023 21:51

It sounded like A would have done it themselves but B was making a fuss because they wanted to do it but do it at a time convenient to them only.

Show quote history

You’ve got it spot on

OP posts:

Hungryfrogs23 · 14/08/2023 21:53

cruffinsmuffin · 14/08/2023 21:49

Why would A go on the walk if so starving that 5 minutes waiting was going to cause an issue?

Tbh A was passive aggressive waiting 4 minutes into a 5 minute rest time then making comments about going to get it started.

B probably should have prepped it earlier if possible.

Yes. All of this.

UsingChangeofName · 14/08/2023 21:58

If B was at home all day and said they would make dinner, then I would have expected them to have it prepped and cooking ready for when I got home.

Of course, if I were A, I would have said this when B suggested going for a walk. "Well, I'm starving. Can we not eat tea first then go for a walk afterwards ?"

Of course, the crux of this is what time you normally eat.
I like to eat at about 6.30, so I'd be 'ready' before people who normally don't eat until 8.30.
Plus, of course if whatever they were cooking would be ready in 10mins or 90mins after they start.

batsandeggs · 14/08/2023 21:59

If A was that hungry they could have suggested a walk after dinner or cut the walk short and not let it go on until 7.30? A five minute rest makes no difference to when dinner is ready in the grand scheme of it.

Takacupokindnessyet · 14/08/2023 22:08

I would guess that A didn't really want to go for a walk but wanted to make B happy by going with them and hoped it would be a short walk because they were tired and hungry and wanted an early night before work tomorrow.

Original poster

teaorme · 14/08/2023 22:16

Takacupokindnessyet · 14/08/2023 22:08

Again correct!

OP posts:

jelly79 · 14/08/2023 22:32

A for only waiting 4 minutes! If it had got to 10 then I can understand the irritation.

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