To go on holiday on my own?

[lastminutewednesday]

DH's ex wife consistently tries her hardest to make life difficult. Everything we do with DSS's is criticised. She is working very hard to alienate them. Anything we do is made harder. We gave her a year and a bits notice for our planned wedding, the night before which was 'her night' with the DSS's and we'd usually get them at 5pm. She said they wouldn't be able to come as it's her time with them.
Given how awful she is about literally everything else we cancelled said wedding and decided to go and get married on our own which we did and later had a lunch with all our family to celebrate. She then decided this had 'psychologically affected' the boys and they should have been included in the registry office (which was in central london and was on a school day -the only date we could get when we wanted it and which also would have caused ructions-plus if we couldn't have our big wedding we at least wanted a boozy nice lunch and night out after our quick registry office one. (The boys weren't bothered in the slightest).

She decided this year she was going on holiday and booked a week to come back the day after we were due to start our week with the Boys. When asked why she had done that she said we had got back four hours later than agreed last year from our holiday so she was taking the time back. (Our holiday with the Boys last year had been booked before the court order was even in place and our flight got delayed-literally nothing we could have done). Dh suggested altering pick/up drop off days over the summer from Saturday to Saturday to Sunday to Sunday (we have them week on week off over summer hols) to accommodate her holiday booking and ensuring no one lost any time. She refused. We therefore checked our work calendars and my schedule with the girls dad and booked what is our delayed Honeymoon from Saturday to Friday in the only time we could do it. She then, two weeks later, decided she had changed her mind and wanted to agree to Sunday to Sunday weeks.
Which would mean we couldn't go away as planned on Saturday.
DH's parents offered to have the boys on the Saturday night and drop them back to their mum on the Sunday. She demanded them back at 10.30 am. Their grandparents can't get them there for this time as it would mean leaving at silly o clock. Dh asked her for 12.30. She said no.

This is now causing huge stress. Nasty emails from the Mum and her boyfriend. DH's mum getting stressed.Dh getting stressed.

WIBU to just go on my own?
We have had years of her disrupting and dictating our lives. And I really need this break. I want to go with DH obvs. But not with this amount of stress.

I have given up my longstanding career to facilitate the boys long school run (she moved them an hour away to move in with her boyfriend). I've moved house to accommodate living between where they were living before and where my girls dad lives. I gave up my big wedding as she was going to make it impossible. I did all that willingly because I love dh and the boys and our family and I recognise in blended families compromise is needed. I give up my DH to the stress of it half the time because whatever he tries (reasoning with her, standing up to her) doesn't work. Now my 6 days of bloody holiday is being ruined before it even begins.
WIBU to go on my own and dh can fly out when he gets chance? I can get the ferry and do the first bit of our European road trip on my own if needed though it won't be much fun. Or just fuck that off even and get a last minute to Majorca or somewhere?

So fed up.

And before anyone asks why she is so aggy-no one knows. She had the affair that ended their marriage long before I came along. She fell out with all their mutual friends. She left the marriage with a huge amount of money, and gets a huge amount of CMS monthly, never late. She doesn't know me at all and says she doesn't care that I'm in the boys lives. She loathes dh and has her own boyfriend who she loudly claims is the love of her life etc etc so she isn't Jealous.She can have no cause for complaint about any of it. Yet pours all her energy into being as horrible as possible.

I'd be really worried about the DC in her care tbh

Could the grandparents be persuaded to take them back for 10.30, even if it means getting up at a silly time? Just to defuse this particular situation and mean that you can have your planned holiday? I appreciate it doesn’t solve the bigger problem, but it means she doesn’t get the pleasure of ruining your honeymoon

We are worried. On an emotional
Level not anything else. She looks after them physically very well. Lots of Disney parenting goes on, but they have a good time and are safe with her. Apart from that she cannot accept the fact that the boys need a relationship with their Dad, resents jt and will therefore do anything she can to scupper it.
I think she thought she would move in with her boyfriend, he would replace dh as their dad, and they would live happily ever after as a little family, with her having reinvented herself in a new area where no one knows what a wrong un she is. It boils her that it hasn't worked out like that as dh obviously wouldn't accept not seeing his own children on her say so, but that's her ultimate aim I think.

The grandparents will hopefully do that yes. But they are incredibly anxious in general and this is spinning them out royally. And if it goes wrong (they get stuck in traffic for example) it will be awful-they won't cope with the stress of it.

She's the one that moved, so she should be doing the pickups and dropouts not you or the grandparents. And your partner should have stood up to her and stopped her moving the kids' school in the first place rather than you giving up your job for this - that's so full of red flags I don't even know where to start. If he's rolling over to his ex then he needs to bear the consequences, not you. I'd advise you to move this/post on the step-parenting board, those ladies have seen it all and will have good advice for you.

Not necessarily. My ex took me to court and he said no to mediation so there wasn’t any.

You could vary the CAO so the summer is split 50/50 so you can have a 3 week block with the boys and then book a one week in between. Or 2/2/1/1 something like that so it’s not swapping every week.

She likes the drama. So don’t show that she’s getting to you.

Can you do a holiday in this country where you drive and then if the boys so if they’re late back it’s not the end of the world?

My ExH's ex is exactly like this. She's an incredibly bitter, malicious person, and she takes immense pleasure in hurting others. The things I've personally witnessed are genuinely horrifying.

I don’t understand why you are even considering accommodating the change in dates

You offered, she said no, end of

You need to go to court.

Or say you have booked the holiday such a shame if the children miss out on coming.

You would very much like them to come but of that isnt possible youll understand and aee them when you get back ..

This isn't working for you.

I'd go back to court and get things changed for the holidays that work better for you. Blocks so you don't have to negotiate so much.

I know you said you can't afford it but it sounds like the strain is not without its costs either.