OK a strange one, I came across this concept a few weeks ago and it really has gotten me thinking.
My DS12 is extremely sensitive to mine and DH's relationship. He is very tuned in to our behavior to each other, our routines, our little actions towards each other. For example we always make each other tea/coffee if making one for ourselves, if we dont he will pick up on it and ask why. We always go on a walk in the evening, again if we dont he wants the reason why. When he asks these questions it is always with trepidation like he is expecting us to say we are arguing. DH and I have a brilliant marriage, we genuinely get on great, very rarely argue or have a cross word. Yet DS acts like we are on the verge of a divorce!
If he hears DH and I laughing together he gets all excited and comes over to get involved, if he sees us hugging or having a kiss he is like a child at Christmas.
We told the children we were going out for a meal together on Sat. DS was all excited as us going on a "date night". I have two other children aged 13 and 15 and they dont act like this at all, they literally pay no attention to our relationship probably because they dont have to as it is stable.
If we have a cross word, DS is literally devastated, he cant sleep, he will roar crying, he will be inconsolable.
DH and I discussed it the other day and said thank God we do have a good marriage as he would never cope. I said thank God he didnt have my childhood or he would never have coped.
It was then I started to think about the concept I had read about of inherited memories. My parents had (still have) an awful marriage, always arguing, never happy. I was very sensitive to it, would lie awake in bed crying and praying for them not to argue. My siblings were way less affected than me. I would die inside when I would hear the door slamming or crockery banged onto a table as I knew it meant them arguing again. If they were ever nice to each other I was flying high with hope and happiness. I look at DS and think, that was me at his age only he has absolutely no reason to feel like this or even know what that type of unhappiness is.
None of our friends are divorced, none of his close friends parents are.
Part of me thinks has he inherited memories from me of my childhood or inherited that fear that comes from having parents in such an awful marriage, is that crazy?