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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have not done anything for my birthday?

11 replies

IHateWhenMyJeansAreTooTight · 14/08/2023 11:47

It was my birthday earlier in the week. Not a milestone one or anything, so nothing special. I feel like ever since I turned 40 and did do a nice night out with a few friends for it, I really don't care about my birthday anymore.

It always reminds me a bit of New Year's Eve. Lots of hype and excitement leading up to it from the children, but when the day comes I just feel blah and nothing much materialises of it. I've kind of stopped caring about it now and felt quite low in the days leading up to it and on the day. My husband wanted to go out and do something because the children were looking forward to it, but I said I didn't want to do anything except stay at home and relax (preferably on my own in peace away from the chaos of everyone else).

I don't go on social media much anymore, and I have a few friends I text message every now and then. I realised half way through the day when one messaged to wish me, that I was actually a bit annoyed because they did and I'd secretly been hoping no one would acknowledge it. But then I got thinking why? Ii know it's weird, but it was almost as if I was getting annoyed that someone remembered and acknowledged it. Obviously it's nice of them to have wished me, but why do I feel so insignificant that I'd rather everyone forget about my birthday and in a way 'justify' my feelings that they did forget, than to appreciate they made the effort to wish me a happy birthday?

Is anyone else like this?

AIBU to have not wanted to do anything on my birthday even if my husband wanted to do something because the children were looking forward to it being my birthday?

OP posts:

Iouise · 14/08/2023 11:50

If you were feeling low maybe doing something would have helped? YANBU to not want to do anything, but YABU to be annoyed with someone wishing you a happy birthday. Its such a normal text for someone to send.

CaptainMyCaptain · 14/08/2023 11:51

You don't have to make a big deal out of it but I think you are being a bit weird not even sharing a cake or something with your children..

Tartareistasty · 14/08/2023 11:51

Doing nohing for a day is perfectly reasonable choice.

DappledThings · 14/08/2023 11:53

I have hated my birthday since I was about 13. I do not acknowledge it and hate anyone else doing so.

I am now 44 and have in the last 3 years got to my ideal where the day passes entirely un-marked. Nobody wishes me happy birthday, no presents. One card from my parents that mum insisted on but otherwise an entirely normal day.

DH admitted this year it got to about 9pm before he remembered at all and needed reassurance that was indeed absolutely as I wanted it to be.

Have a big party, have absolutely nothing or anything inbetween. All perfectly reasonable choices.

SmokeyToo · 14/08/2023 11:53

I hate birthdays too. No particular reason, I just don't find ageing another year particularly relevant! But I celebrate mine with my family, because I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't!

Theeternalrocksbeneath · 14/08/2023 11:54

Nah, nothing wrong with anything you’ve posted. I’m older than you and some years I go all out to have a lovely birthday celebration, while some years I do sweet FA and I enjoy both! You’re overthinking this - celebrate or don’t celebrate, it’s entirely up to you and nothing wrong either way.

calmcoco · 14/08/2023 11:54

I do a family tea and family gifts for mine, that's all I need or want.

I think it is not good for children to be prevented from marking a parent's birthday as it suggests adulthood is joyless, but a cake and cards/gifts is sufficient, it doesn't have to be a day out.

Original poster

IHateWhenMyJeansAreTooTight · 14/08/2023 13:01

Glad to hear it's not just me. My children did make me cards which was lovely and much appreciated.

Thinking about it now I was quite down and anxious the days leading up to it and on the day. I don't quite know why.

OP posts:

Berlinlover · 14/08/2023 13:06

My birthday is just another day to me, I never celebrate it.

DappledThings · 14/08/2023 13:08

Thinking about it now I was quite down and anxious the days leading up to it and on the day. I don't quite know why.
That's how I felt till I took control of it. Made it clear to MIL and SIL I absolutely wanted no mention of it rather than dropping hints as I had before. It made me anxious when I didn't know what I was going to have to deal with.

Now I've put my foot down I mostly forget it too. Anxiety has all gone.

Catsmere · 14/08/2023 13:09

I haven't done anything about my birthday for twenty-odd years. I'd forgotten about it this year until someone gave me a card! It was nice to be wished a happy birthday but it was no big deal.

Can't stand NYE, it's far too loud in so many places. Just let me sleep!

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