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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner seems unable to use laundry basket

32 replies

SpringHexagon · 14/08/2023 08:00

I need to know if I am being unreasonable here.

My partner runs his own trade business and generally works 6 days a week in a job that can leave him dirty/ dusty/ sweaty. He will generally wear the same house clothes for a few days, but even with that he wears 2 pairs of boxers and socks in a day. Fair enough, right?
Now, here's where my problem is. He WILL NOT put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, and instead leaves them at the side of our bed. Is it unreasonable of me to only wash the clothes that are in the basket, instead of crawling around the bedroom floor picking up after him? Letting the Everest of clothes mountains build up until he has no clothes and then has to wash them himself on his only day off a week?

I ask this because I have done this a few times and he does eventually wash his clothes, but he hangs them on the indoor airer and they stay there until I remove them anyway. Also, as stated he does work a lot, but I don't feel I am asking much for him to walk to the other side of the room to put his washing in the basket.

OP posts:

WaitingfortheTardis · 14/08/2023 08:02

If it isn't in the basket it doesn't get washed. He's not a child (who I also wouldn't really want doing this), but a grown man who should know better.

Patchworksack · 14/08/2023 08:03

YANBU. Def leave them on the floor you are not the maid. If they bother you once on the airer, or you need it, dump them back in a clean pile.

panko · 14/08/2023 08:04

Sounds fine. Leave him to sort his own clothes.

Everydayimhuffling · 14/08/2023 08:05

Don't wash what's not in the basket, absolutely. I wouldn't be putting away things that were left in the airer either. If you need to move them to use it, stick them in a basket or pile and leave them for him to sort or look through when he needs something.

Lkahsvtv · 14/08/2023 08:05

Definitely; I don’t wash stuff that’s not in the basket. I’m not a maid.

stayathomegardener · 14/08/2023 08:09

Personally I'd pick them up and dump them on his pillow every bloody time so he has to move them to get into bed, It's so disrespectful of him.
I'd also put the washing basket right next to his favourite clothes dumping area.
Passive aggressive maybe but I'd hope an effective training method.

jeaux90 · 14/08/2023 08:11

JFC is he 4?? No I would not be putting up with that, and he should do his own washing. You are not his support human.

Keyworks · 14/08/2023 08:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BellaJuno · 14/08/2023 08:15

On the basis that you’re otherwise happy that washing clothes is your responsibility in your partnership, then I’d only wash clothes that are in the basket. And when it came to the airer when he finally noticed and washed them himself, I’d remove them when I needed to use it and pile them next to it.

NoSquirrels · 14/08/2023 08:17

Put a washing basket (with an open lid) on his side of the bed.

newstart1234 · 14/08/2023 08:23

We have separate washing baskets. Just always done it this way. I only wash mine he only does his.

GCSister · 14/08/2023 08:29

newstart1234 · 14/08/2023 08:23

We have separate washing baskets. Just always done it this way. I only wash mine he only does his.

Us too......
We're both adults who are capable of of being responsible for our own clothes.

Although there will now be a flurry of:

it's wasteful as you must wash half loads ( nope!)
it's petty, surely it's easier to wash everything together (doesn't really make a difference)
would you cook separate meals ( sometimes, but regardless food and clothes aren't the same thing)

Have I missed anything?

OP - he's being disrespectful. Personally I'd tell him he's now responsible for washing his own clothes from now on.

AsItShouldBe · 14/08/2023 08:30

6 people in my house, 4 of which are kids. Everyone knows if it isn't in the 3 baskets dotted around the house, it doesn't get washed. This includes uniforms, pe kits, work shirts. Very rarely happens now that they forget.

CalistoNoSolo · 14/08/2023 08:32

This kind of pathetic juvenille behaviour would be a deal breaker for me. How can you stand having sex with him?

AdoraBell · 14/08/2023 08:33

Don’t wash anything not in the laundry basket.

ApolloandDaphne · 14/08/2023 08:36

I do all the washing in our house as I like doing it. However, from an early age even my DCs knew that if it wasn't in the washing basket it wouldn't be washed. It's not exactly hard to scoop up your dirty clothes in the morning and pop them in the basket. I would just leave them where they are. If he washed them then leaves them unattended on the airer, then sling them in a poly bag and leave them somewhere very annoying so he is inconvenienced. It might make him think a bit.

Keyworks · 14/08/2023 08:38

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CurlewKate · 14/08/2023 08:44

What happens when you talk to him about it?

Original poster

SpringHexagon · 14/08/2023 09:03

If I talk to him about it he'll tell me to just leave his stuff and he'll wash it himself, but I have to kick the mountain out the way to open the wardrobe door. End up having a wee tantrum and kicking the shit out of the clothes that are in the way 😂 makes me feel a bit better.
I also only work 2 and a half days a week to look after our daughter, so I do want to do his washing and things so we can spend his only day off doing stuff as a family. But this just drives me too nuts. Glad I'm not the one being unreasonable though.

OP posts:

youveturnedupwelldone · 14/08/2023 09:28

I don't wash anything that isn't in a laundry basket. It's quite simple - that's the system, if you want your clothes washed for you, stick to the system or do your own.

I think it's really disrespectful of him to just throw them on the floor and expect you to pick up after him. The task is to do the laundry, not to act as a servant and tidy up after him.

Interested to know - does he tidy up otherwise, or does he eg leave cups/plates on the side/in the living room on the premise that "someone else" (you) will clear them up?

Original poster

SpringHexagon · 14/08/2023 11:24

He has the bad habit of picking his stuff up from the living room and moving it to the kitchen where it then jumps to the bin/ sink itself, but he will eventually move them if I leave them, and he does now and again wash the dishes.

OP posts:

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 14/08/2023 11:41

Ex-husband tried this with me. I was working full-time. He didn't/wouldn't work.
Favourite socks being put in the bin solved that particular problem. A divorce sorted the remainder!

CaptainMyCaptain · 14/08/2023 11:47

My husband is usually OK, does housework and washing etc but sometimes leaves clothes on the bedroom chair. I don't pick them up and wash them and I didn't do this for my child after the age of about 10.

Daphnis156 · 14/08/2023 11:56

It's all very well to say leave the clothes- but wouldn't that just stink out the room.
Who wants to live like that?
I don't know the answer and facile suggestions are pointless; it looks as if he won't change, so how much can you put up with?

TropicalTrama · 14/08/2023 11:58

My DH can be like this. He actually does most of the laundry and is ok with scooping from his pile. Every bathroom and bedroom
now has a laundry basket so problem solved.

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