Should I quit a role?

[Workingmumchaos]

I have a one year old and 3 jobs. One part time role 3 days a week, a consultancy role averaging one day a week (strongly linked to the part time role) and co owner of my partner and Is business which also requires a fair bit of my input as most of our commercial clients are my contacts.

Dp does a lot too. Works doing the majority of the grunt work on the business and does nearly all the mornings and drop off/ pick ups from nursery.

I feel like a shit mum because I just feel run ragged and am not spending as much time with him as I want. DPs upset because he’s doing the majority of the work with mornings and nursery trips.

We just had an argument because he thinks I need to do more so has decided I am doing tomorrow morning. Which is fair enough I do want to do more. Would love that. But am going to burn myself to the ground if I do that.

An example of tomorrow/ today now at midnight. Currently working on consultancy work probably going to finish at 2am if lucky. Then DP wants me to get up at 7 to do mornings, go to part time role for a days work. Get back and spend time with my boy. Do bedtime at 8. Have dinner. Last minute essential admin. Pack bags. Drive 3 hours to London as have a meeting Tuesday am. Arrive at probably c. 11pm. Go to bed, get up at 7am again next day for meeting.

I know I am not being unreasonable about doing tomorrow’s wake up. He’s picked the wrong day. He’s probably not being unreasonable about some other days which just aren’t tomorrow. I could do more mornings but I am also trying to protect my energy levels. He has the majority of the week in peace and quiet and I am just go go go running from pillar to post having to give everyone my energy.

But he’s also not wrong about me not doing enough.

Should I quit the 3 day part time role? This seems the obvious answer. I don’t know how we will make up the shortfall but I assume more time on the business would pay dividends. There is a risk I would lose the consultancy role income too as it’s linked to the part time role. That is financially more important for time in, money out.

What do you think?

No one? Am I just being really shit then.

I don’t think you should quit your job just yet. I understand how your DH feels about doing the drops/pick ups but you sound like you are crazy busy - there is no way I would ever be working until 2am and then getting up the next morning! What is he doing during the day? Does he work 9-5?
Maybe write down what hours you both do at work in an average week and then split the picks/drops according to that ratio? So if he does 20 hours and you do 30 hours then he does 3 drops/picks and you do 2 (I know those hours aren’t right it was just for easy maths)

I think there are a few ways around this. The setup concerning the attachment of the part-time role to the consultancy isn't quite clear to me, so I'm approaching this with a certain level of uncertainty. I apologise if I'm reiterating points you have already tried.

From my perspective, effective communication is key, along with setting aside any feelings of "Mum guilt." It's evident that both of you are giving your best effort. Finding a balance that prevents burnout for both of you, while also ensuring financial stability, is crucial.

Traditionally women don't make a fuss they just get on with it. Maybe your partner is getting a bit fed up with the monotony of taking on a lot at home and has been honest with you but you need to be vocal about how thinly you are spread.

One suggestion could be to have a weekly discussion where you both assess the upcoming week's tasks and responsibilities. This way, you can make informed decisions about who will handle what, while being transparent about the workload you each have.

When it comes to the consultancy and part-time roles, it might be helpful to speak openly with someone who understands these roles well. This can help ensure that if you need to let go of the part-time position, the consultancy won't be negatively impacted.

Lastly, your intuition is likely correct; dedicating more time to the business will open doors and generate more income.

I think in the first place this is about making the time to have a long and honest conversation for both of you and finding the best way forward together.

I hope this helps, Your dedication is admirable, and like many women, you're striving to balance multiple commitments and trying to keep all the plates spinning. Instead of feeling guilty, which will get you nowhere, know you are doing your best and remember to take time to give yourself a pat on the back once in a while.

@User37652
He works on our business full time so it’s to the requirements of our workload. We are in a quiet period at the moment so he’s not go much on at all. Just a bit of admin and some meetings this week to line up work for coming into our busy period which starts again in next few months.

He isn’t just doing nothing, he’s been proactive in doing loads of things. Accounts, marketing, updating website etc. But these are all nice relaxing things which you just plod through in your own pace, wfh by himself, calm relaxing and can take breaks sit and watch tv for a day if he wanted.

I said I don’t mind if he just chills while we are quiet and I am busy to let him get his downtime. But he has drive also and I think feels like he’s not contributing to work / finances as much so trying to justify that by working on things he probably doesn’t need to.

I also think he just doesn’t want me to miss our boy growing up. Which he’s right about I do feel like I am. He’s not a dick. He’s in a mood at the moment but I think it’s more complicated than hours in hours out. It’s to do with feelings of value (man pride), equality of work load, what’s best for our boy. He’s right about a lot of it - I just don’t see an answer without quitting a role.

@BetterCare
This is really helpful thank you. Lots of food for thought. The link between part time and consultancy is quite strong. They could keep me on as I feel I add a lot of value for the price to them but it’s a risk. I don’t know. If we take the leap we have to assume it’s gone to be on the safe side.

We aren’t great at communicating. By the time we get together in peace, usually for dinner he’s knackered and I am still going at a million miles an hour as only just really sat down from the day. We need to find a way to solve that as it’s an ongoing issue tbh.