My kids are very timid and shy

[Honeybu]

How to build confidence. They are 7 and 6. My eldest always try to please others

I’m very firm and maybe I feel I have contributed a bit as watching other parents will not tell off kids for something I would’ve tell mine off almost everyone comment how good my kids are but maybe they are too good that they please everyone which is not good

what have you done to build and maintain kid’s confidence in terms of discipline and daily routine

Both my kids are confident, maybe a bit overconfident. You need to let them make mistakes and also allow them to form and express their own opinions. I started with asking them both about their days (we started this ridiculously early from 1-2 for each) at dinner and just listening and asking questions. Then I’d ask them what about their opinions on books, clothes, give them power and authority in limited doses.

I do tell them off a lot but so far it hasn’t caused any of them being less confident. But maybe it’s their personalities.

@Honeybu Firstly, good on you for recognising that you may have contributed in some way to them being so shy due to your parenting. We all want to be good parents and do the best we can for our kids so it can be difficult to recognise when we make mistakes but you’re trying to change things which is great.
I’d recommend maybe researching ‘fear-based parenting’ and ‘gentle parenting.’ Gentle parenting is not what people tend to think e.g. letting kids get away with whatever, never telling them off, letting them walk over you etc. it can be misunderstood. A quick google for gentle parenting says, in a nut shell: “Gentle parenting is an evidence-based approach to raising happy, confident children. This parenting style is composed of four main elements—empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries—and focuses on fostering the qualities you want in your child by being compassionate and enforcing consistent boundaries.”
This link may also help: “https://thearkgroup.org/moving-from-fear-based-to-love-based-parenting/

Thank you @MrsO3 and @Wenfy I will look into both as very good advice I fail on letting them decide on certain things which I now understand should let them make mistakes and learn. I feel so sad today my little girl made a small and was very apologetic as she think I’ll be so mad at her. This is like they are scared which is wrong and feel so embarrassed of myself. I will adopt gentle parenting. Thanks so much feel really sad

Are you confident and extrovert?

Sounds like they're scared of you and are confused as to what they can and can't do without you telling them off for it

Let them find something they enjoy and are good at. Encourage them all the way, but let it be led by them. Their confidence will grow as they get better at it.

@Honeybu you’re welcome for the advice. Also, don’t be hard on yourself! You’ve realised what’s not working with your parenting and the impact it’s having on your children and you’re taking steps to change it. That makes you a good parent, you’ve got your children’s best interests at heart! Don’t beat yourself about things, you can start to make changes today. I don’t want people to jump on me for asking this, just asking as it could make sense as to why you parent the way you do but what is your ethnicity? I’m wondering if you have been parented very strictly yourself as certain ethnicities can seem ‘harsh’ with their parenting. Really hope I don’t offend by asking this!

Let them decide stuff more, problem solve more. Give them agency over things you are used to setting the "rule" about. Praise their process, don't step in and fix it but ask them questions to support them in fixing it themselves. When natural consequences play out, you can be an ally and cheerleader instead of top down disciplinarian hammering the message home.

You are asking for suggestions wrt discipline and daily routine. I would say support them in setting their own routine. Get them to write a list of tasks and make their own order. If they forget things, direct them to check their own list rather than reminding them what they've forgotten. Take them out for treats "just because" rather than tied to performance.

But would you typically be so mad at her for small mistakes?

Do you find that mistakes get “maximized” that the start to include character defects. e.g. the spilt milk is because they are clumsy/ not paying attention or spilt milk means we clean it up/thanks for helping