His behaviour is literally criminal OP.
This is an horrific case of coercive controlling spanning more than three decades.
What he's done is so bad that he could realistically be imprisoned for it.
It's important you understand that his behaviour is that abusive, even if he hasn't physically harmed you.
Your poor child has basically begged you to leave his dad. The courage it must have taken for him to tell you that is proof of how horrific this abuse is.
If you stay with him, on some level you are teaching your children that this dynamic is acceptable and not 'that' bad.
Free yourself OP. Leave him. Rent somewhere with your eldest and have your other one live with you too. If it's tiny, it's tiny. It's safe, that's what's important.
But before you do any of that, speak to women's aid. They will guide you when it comes to leaving him as safely as possible.
I say this to empower and safeguard you, not to scare you, but men as controlling as him are at their most dangerous when they realise they have lost control of you.
That's why it's so crucial you end the relationship, but as safely as possible.
If you feel able, with women's aid's support, that could involve reporting his behaviour to the police.
He is criminally abusive. You must try to realise that. His behaviour is so bad he could realistically be convicted if a conviction was pursued.